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The Waiting Room

Silence. Boredom. Restlessness. And profound trepidation. Those are the words I would use to express the mix of emotions in this room. But not just any room.
The waiting room.
Sterile. Off white walls. Cheap imitations of semi famous paintings precariously hanging. One sofa, seven plastic chairs and a coffee table. That is how I would describe our current setting.
My older brother, Jonathan. Overdose. Coma. Dangerous corrective surgery. Dangerous enough to render him either a vegetable for the rest of his life or kill him, if done incorrectly. That’s why we’re here.
Mom is curled up on one of the couches with her arms wrapped tightly around her knees, rocking back and forth and crying and murmuring softly to herself. Dad paces silently from one end of the room to another, unable to control his nervous energy. Aunt Del flits in and out of the room, bringing in food no one can bare to eat and pestering the nurses for any updates. Which of course there are none. And I sit on the other end of the couch, staring blankly at he same magazine article as I have for the past hour.
I walk over to Mom and put my arms around her. She turns her head to stare at me. Eyes bloodshot, hair a messy halo around her head and a face that has aged a million years over the course of a few years.
“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him,” she whispers. I just nod, because I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him, too. I’m scared, just as bad as her and the rest of them. The reason I can’t reassure her is because I’m experiencing the same kind of fear she is. One where our screams are silent and in our hearts rather than of aloud. And instead of being afraid for our own lives we fear for the one’s closest to us. And maybe that’s the worst kind of fear of all.
There is a knock on the door. And when the doctor walks in and I see his face- grim, weary- I know all I need to know. And when he speaks, “I regret to inform you…” and I see my mom collapse onto the ground I become certain that fearing for the loss of a loved one is the worst kind of fear of all.




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This article has 18 comments. Post your own!

E.J.MathewsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 5, 2013 at 1:30 am:
You really expressed fear well. The story was flawless, and had great imagery throughout. I know this isn't the article you wanted me to read, but I just realized that I have read and commented on the other one already. Anyways, great work.
 
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KrasotaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 4, 2013 at 7:12 pm:
AWH! I was rooting for Jonathan. :( Nevertheless, I think this was an amazing piece. You really used sentence fragments well in order to carry your story forward, something that few writers are able to successfully use to their advantage. Amazing job!
 
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Apollo77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:48 pm:
really great! I love the emotion and i'm a sucker for an unhappy ending... I kind of wish it were longer to give more depth to the characters and make me care more though...but I like it!
 
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In_Love_with_Writing said...
Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:18 pm:
This was really good. You did well. Can you rate and comment some of my stories? :)
 
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Mayell said...
Dec. 13, 2012 at 4:43 pm:
This was great. It really kept me captive while I was reading it. I just think you can be a little more desprictive about her brother,Jonathon, and the relationship that they had together. The reader would better understand why her brother was so dear to her.
 
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Mayell said...
Dec. 13, 2012 at 4:43 pm:
This was great. It really kept me captive while I was reading it. I just think you can be a little more desprictive about her brother,Jonathon, and the relationship that they had together. The reader would better understand why her brother was so dear to her.
 
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jeseerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 1, 2012 at 10:20 pm:
This was good! I'd like to no more. It seems like it would make a good book or novella.
 
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poemluv said...
Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:27 pm:
Jonathon got into the Coma from an overdose, right?
 
KenyaLove41This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:35 am :
yeah well i guess from like drugs and stuff...but  kind of just made it up so yeah  idk if that can happen :p
 
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CammyS said...
Nov. 1, 2012 at 5:11 pm:
my only question is: how did Jonathan get in the coma? You really captured fear really well. :)
 
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Snowflakes said...
Nov. 1, 2012 at 3:18 pm:
I really liked this. I liked the way you used short sentences to create suspense, and I feel like you captured the feeling of fear perfectly. As well as that, you also captured the emotions of anxiety, sorrow and pain, etc, which was really good. There was a lot of feeling in this (obviously) but I agree with the llama below, that you should have detailed how Jonathan got into the coma - you could have displayed fear even more in that.
But anyway, it was really good to read :) 
 
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thegoldenllama said...
Oct. 21, 2012 at 8:39 pm:
Wow, this is amazing! :O Your powerful words strongly convey the tension in the room, and I can deeply connect with the narrator. Great job! Maybe, for the beginning, to catch more of the readers' attention, you could perhaps add a scene in which how the boy Jonathan got into the coma. Like, a car accident? A blaring truck, the vision going black,etc. Anyways, excellent piece! :)
 
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realbeautifulheartstwinsis said...
Oct. 20, 2012 at 1:31 am:
your wording absolutely amazing i was intriged durring the entire piece
 
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live4words said...
Oct. 19, 2012 at 9:30 pm:
This is super powereful! Your descriptions of the waiting room were perfect, and I could totally picture it. It was so sad..:( but in a good way!
 
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Atl.Braves03 said...
Oct. 17, 2012 at 1:29 am:
I liked it. My only tip is more of an opinion than a fact, but I think it would have been cool if you kept the reader in the dark about why they were at the doctors office for longer. For example, maybe describing the emotion and the fear and the anticipation and building it up until the end when everything gets revealed. Just an idea though. Great concept. I think you did a good job with it :)
 
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elites5 said...
Oct. 13, 2012 at 5:21 pm:
This is really well written and very descriptive. Maybe you could draw the plot out a bit more because I started getting into it then it ended. Other than that it has a lot of emotion. Keep it up! :)
 
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KenyaLove41This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 13, 2012 at 3:21 pm:
please comment if you can(: i would really appericate it dont be lazy you never know i might comment one of your stories...XD
 
AthenaMarisaDeterminedbyFateThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:19 pm :
I really like this story. You depict the emotion really well, and the desctiptions are very blunt yet that's how they need to be. The only change I would make would be to somehow change the "that is what..." statements. But otherwise, this is really good! It is suspenseful, and sad, and really gets emotions stirred up in the readers. Great work!
 
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