The tears fall to the ground. I never cry, but this hurts like nothing else could. I notice that the cloth below is soaking. Did I really cry that long? I wonder how long I’ve been here, but she interrupts my thoughts. “Daddy,” says a small, weak voice. “I’m here sweetheart, I’ll always be here,” I respond softly. “Daddy I’m going to mommy soon right?” She asks. I feel the tears again, “Yes, you’ll see mommy soon.” “Will she still be sick?” She coughs. “No, she’ll be all better and so will you,” I feel the tears roll down my cheeks again. “Why are you crying daddy?” She looks concerned. “I...” I take a deep breath, “I’m just going to miss you.” “You’re not coming with me?” She says frightened. “I can’t yet,” I see her innocent, scared face, “I’ll join one day.” “Okay,” her voice quieter than a whisper. I held her hand as he laid her head down. “I love you daddy,” tears run down her face. “I love you more” I give a sad smile. “No, I love you more” she smiles for the first time in weeks. “Fine you win” I say like I have a hundred times. She laughs that sweet, angelic laugh of my little girl a laugh that I’ll never hear again. I see her eyes close and I feel her hand go limp in mine, the beeping of the heart failing burns in my ear. The tears come back as I kiss her forehead and pull the sheets over her face. I walk away and think of what I’ve lost.
What I've Lost
August 7, 2012