A Slice of Revenge Pie

July 23, 2012
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When Erica Borowski told Jeremy Pan that I liked him, I swore I would never let my soul rest until she was served a platter of bittersweet revenge. It was kindergarten, February 3rd. I remember the day clearly. Jeremy had on his lovely groundhog sweatshirt, a day late. He looked like a cute little groundhog himself, with his round glasses and red cheeks. Ah-door-ah-bol. I giggled mindlessly to myself and whispered “I love you Jeremy” on replay. Erica heard my little remarks and sneakily whispered them to Jeremy at recess. At the end of the day, it was like I had contracted a new plague of cooties. The boys screamed and made sure to sit as far away from me as possible during class, the girls whispered among themselves and shut me out of their circles. And worst of all, Jeremy refused to acknowledge my presence. I overheard him talking to Erica and saying I was “too lovey-dovey” to be his girlfriend.
I was crushed. Me, lovey-dovey? My cajoles of puppy love weren’t supposed to be heard by anyone but myself. But Erica, meany-beany Erica, HAD to tell my prince what I was saying. I gained a new resolve and hatred for Erica Borowski that day.
Every single year in elementary school, she harassed me and embarrassed me in every way an elementary schooler can be embarrassed and harassed. Once, she stole my diary that I kept in my backpack and I caught her reading it to her circle. The red fire in my cheeks lasted for the rest of the day, as people I barely knew ran up to me at recess laughing about my deepest darkest secrets. No one was supposed to know that I still played with dolls at home, or danced around in my underwear. And Erica Borowski had once again ruined my life.
I started planning my revenge in the middle of seventh grade. After writing down some 300 things I remembered that she had done to me, I hit my jackpot. Somehow, I would attempt about 20 of the worst things that happened to me right back to her. With a few twists. That science project she destroyed in 3rd grade? Well, her science grades and files were about to be destroyed. My ex she lured away in 8th grade? Well, wait until I spread around some unconfirmed rumors about her cheating escapades. It gave me a wicked, pleased kind of feeling. A little uncomfortable, but in every other way, satisfying. I just needed to find the right moments for each slice of my Revenge Pie. Oh, it was going to taste so sweet.
Sophomore year of high school was my golden year. I knew I would start to implement some of the plans I had for Erica. Our English teacher paired us up to do a partner essay together, and I wanted Erica to come over so I could feed her some food that I spiked with some… chemicals.
Hey, it was nicer than her dipping markers in my milk when I wasn’t looking and laughing at me as I spewed colored fountains all over the floor.
I ignored her cutting insults as we walked to myself. I ignored the bowl she ‘accidentally’ broke when she helped herself to my dinner. All would pay off, I reminded myself. All I needed was to wait until Erica was thirsty and spike her drink with some vials I had stolen from my brother’s room.
“You got anything to drink, Lovey-Dovey?”
The moment had come. The name she called me thrust me back into a day of sadness, groundhogs, and cooties… Kindergarten, the day Erica ruined my life.
“Excuse me?” I scoffed.
“What? You don’t remember? Jeremy’s face was hilarious. He stayed away from you for a week.” Erica’s face broke into laughter.
“Shut up!” I growled in return. “You weren’t supposed to tell him!”
Erica was laughing so hard she had to lean against the counter to support herself. The fury in me roared. How dare this girl ruin my whole life and laugh inside my own house about the start of my misery?
I opened my mouth to spew out some very vulgar words when I caught sight of Erica, the bitterness gone from her face. As I watched her laugh, something very peculiar happened. The corners of my mouth started to turn up and the rest of my lips followed. Then the laughter inside of me broke loose. We laughed and laughed for five minutes straight, rolling on the floor in some strange fits of joy.
When we finally were able to reign in our giggles, I peeked over at Erica’s face. She smiled at me, the usual sour expression wiped off. It changed her into someone that I hated into someone that I wanted to familiarize with a bit more.
Erica stood up and held a hand out to me to help me get up. I stared at it, uncomprehendingly. And then I surprised even myself. I reached up and took it. We walked out of the kitchen together and I dropped the mysterious chemicals meant for her milk into the trash on the way out.
“What was that?” Erica glanced at the trash can.
“Nothing… nothing.”

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