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Tanya's Non-Fantastical Nor Extraordinary Flight

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"Darn." Her ticket read "61A," which meant it was a window seat. Tanya hated window seats. When she arrived at her section in the Economy class, she observed that 2 elderly Asian people sat next to her. The reason she hated the window seat, was because 1) it would always require the unlucky individual to gently brush their bum against the "B" and "C" passengers, (which almost always resulted in an awkward situation) and 2)Tanya had a very small bladder, and international flights always made her abnormally thirsty, hence, causing situation 1 to occur...many, many times.

"Hehe, sorry, excuse me?" Tanya sheepishly asked the old couple. The man, who had the aisle seat (a lucky man indeed) gave her a toothless smile before standing up to allow her through. The old lady however, who was to be sandwiched between Tanya and her husband for the whole of the flight, was unfortunately predestined to experience 1 of the 2 situations described above.

This was how Tanya's 14 hour plane ride had started.

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Tanya was slightly nervous, indicated by the smallest trace of sweat on her palms. It was her first time travelling completely alone, and she did not know how to cope. Surely, going through the airport and riding a plane couldn't be too difficult. It seemed harmless enough. Nevertheless, her mother had told her all these frightening stories about lonesome travellers, and what travesties had befallen them during their companion-less journeys. She just HAD to describe them in excruciating detail.

Oh well, Tanya decided to approach the whole thing calmly and rationally. If she could.

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The rickety window seat had a blanket and pillow which was plastic sealed and wrapped. Tanya wondered if she should nick them, but then decided not to, due to their failure to effectively comfort her sitting arrangement. It was at this moment, that her body proceeded to pass out, only to be awakened by the sound of the old man chortling at his miniature television screen. He was watching "Runaway Bride."

---

The next time Tanya dejected herself from slumber, was when the stewardesses started to push out massive steel trolleys. Ah, it was time for a midnight dinner. After contemplating on watching a romantic comedy in Italian or a collection of video shorts from Taiwan, Tanya decided to get in position to to eat. She never liked airplane meals per se, but EVA Air had redeemed itself with an astounding ham and cheese melt that was served when Tanya went to Hong Kong last summer. She noticed how the stewardess must be required to say everything in English and Chinese, since she was asking "Do you want the fish or the congee, ni yao ur hai shi fan?" The man took the fish meal, and blatantly commented, "This looks ****ing nasty."

Tanya then made a mental note to: NEVER BECOME A STEWARDESS.

---

Accidentally on purpose, Tanya had drunken 4 cups of tea, and had a raving desire to go to the bathroom. However, the elderly pair were both in the realms of Dreamland, which prompted her to "gracefully" jump over them, to avoid any "harASSment." After a loud thump, the whole row had looked at her distastefully, but Tanya didn't seem to notice, for she was too busy imagining she was receiving a standing ovation for a world-class gymnastic medal in her mind.

"Ugh." Tanya suddenly heard the naggy voice of her mother.

"You are going alone on this trip, so you must NEVER leave what things?"
"Passport, money, contact information."
"And what must you do?"
"Keep them with me at all times."
"When?"
"ALL TIMES. I FRICKIN' GET IT MA."
"Let's hear you say that when you're crying in the airport, telling me you've lost everything. Then we'll see who "frickin'" gets it. Hmph."

Her mother was bitter that Tanya no longer needed her guidance to travel overseas. She was already 17, for god's sake. But, she decided against rebelling her mother's safety tips, and brashly swiped her bag of essentials from the aisle. She figured that she needed to do it anyway, counting on the fact she needed to change her pad.

---

There wasn't much to being in a plane. Tanya made a list of things one could do on a plane. This is that list.

1. Eat
2. Sleep
3. Pee
4. Join the Mile-High Club
5. Attempt at #4 but fail
6. Piss off Stewardesses
7. Get a free deck of cards
8. Watch TV/Movies
9. Stare murderously at the couple who brought a shrieking baby on board

Tanya glared with the utmost irritation at the flustered looking young couple who sat 4 rows down. Their stupid baby wouldn't stop crying. Finally, after Tanya finished 3 episodes of "The Big Bang Theory," did the minuscule person cease to cause vibrations through his vocal chords while hydrating his eyes.

Tanya made another mental note: NEVER HAVE KIDS.

---

After 8 different sleeping positions, Tanya saw that it had been 12 hours since departure. YES. Only 2 more hours to go. She needed to pee again, but decided against it, since there was a massive line congealing in the aisles. Thank god she had perfected the skill of "holding it."

---

"This is your captain speaking. We are now approaching LAX Airport. We will start descending in about 5 minutes. We ask that you return to your seats and buckle your seatbelts. We wish you a pleasant trip, and thank you for flying EVA Air. We hope to see you soon." It was repeated again in Chinese. Tanya, though upset that this broadcast was interrupting her movie, The Artist, grew increasingly excited.

I'M IN AMERICA, she thought to herself. She looked at her watch. It was about 2 in the afternoon in Taipei. Her mother, if she was awake, would have stationed herself next to her Ipad, waiting impatiently for the confirmation of Tanya's arrival via Viber.

The sensation that everything was falling was simply irreplaceable. Tanya felt it was similar to that of a roller-coaster, without all the vomiting. It was at this moment, that Tanya realised air-plane rides were not a big deal at all.

What was she so worried about?




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