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When You're A Depressed Outcast And You Know It....

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It’s the sort of helplessness that gets you, the wanting and the willingness to do something, anything, but you know you can’t. You want the happily ever after to follow you, but this is real life, and things don’t turn out that way. There are taxes and divorces and black and blue bruises, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But you’re tired of having to grin and bear it, you’re tired of hiding, you wish you could show the world who you truly are, show all of your bruises and scars and not be ashamed.

But there are the starers, the supposedly well-wishers, who want to make you their kind of better, who think you need fixing. They want to medicate you, classify, you, counsel you, show you that it’s all just in your mind, and you’re just making a big deal out of nothing, and don’t you want to talk to your parents about this? But you want to be free.

If you could just be open and honest with one person it would make all the difference in the world, but who can you trust? Someone who won’t tell you you’re crazy, who will hold onto you and tell you they love you, and mean it. Someone who won’t feel it is their duty to make your parents aware of “the situation”, who won’t belittle your suffering, someone who doesn’t mind just listening as you pour out your broken heart. But those people rarely exist anymore.
You want to comfort yourself, to rock yourself to sleep each night, but there is always something in your way. The normal things of life hinder you, and you wish there was something to ease your pain, but you know it is hopeless, and you are hopeless, and no one will ever casually suggest that you go to the movies with them. No one will ever tell you you are beautiful, or include you in their sleepover plans, or wish you well with a sincere heart. It’s you against the world, and the battle’s already been decided in favor of the world.

Majority always wins, you know. Mustn’t challenge it, mustn’t doubt it. This is your life, and even if there is a happy rainbow just for you, even if there is a clear sky or two, you know you’ll never belong.



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