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Sebastian

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"You won't believe what your brother did. I absolutely love him!"
"Sebastian pretty much owns the school."
"Sebastian won the school another award. Amazing, just amazing."
Yep, he's amazing alright. He gets straight A's, he's hilarious, he has tons of friends, he beats the crap out of me on a weekly bases, and he's super handsome. Every time I sling my bag over my shoulder and wince because of the bruise from his fist I'm reminded how amazing he is. When my friends pull me into the school's hallway and whisper into my ear that they hope I don't mind them having a crush om my brother I just shake my head and say no because they'll never see the real Sebastian.
Thirty people couldn't count on their hands and toes how many times I've said, "Mom, I want him punished." or, "Dad, I don't deserve this!". It never made a difference. I always got the same lecture about instigating. I suppose I do instigate sometimes. I should know better than to mouth off to someone with such a bad temper.
"Jeez, Sebastian! Calm Down!"
"Why don't you shut your mouth, dyke?" Love you too, brother.
Let me fill you in a bit. I'm Danielle and my brother is, of course, Sebastian. We used to be really close. We'd build forts and play war in the basement or wrestle each other under sheets. I guess something broke one day and neither one of us could get angry without me being hit in the end. Sometimes I get so scared I grab a knife and huddle up in the corner until he's calmed down. When he's chill and relaxed we're back to those silly kids again. We talk and laugh and dance but he isn't calm often.
I remember being on the computer one time, which was located in his bedroom. He came in and told me to leave because he wanted to call his girlfriend. I said no. Our parents told him he needed to deal with his room being invaded when we put it there. After yelling for a bit about why he was right and why he had enough he picked me up and pushed me up against the wall.
"Let me go!"
"No!"
"Stop pushing me!"
"NO!"
"Sebastian!" After one more push I felt the wall behind me crack. He stopped pushing and we both got quiet.
"Did you just break the wall?"
I asked, ignoring the tears in my eyes.
"No, you did." He pushed me away from the wall to check the damage. The hole in the wall was about two feet in height and a foot and half in width. Later that month he went away for a week with his friends for a week while I sat alone in my room telling myself how he was going to regret it and I'd never talk to him again. But who was I fooling? I'd befriend him again and we'd forget about everything until the next time he got angry and it happened all over. It was a vicious circle.
The jealousy I had for him didn't help either. With every award he won and every paycheck he'd gotten in the mail I hated him more. I was so unbelievably ready to snap. There were three people who kept me from going Freddy Krueger all over the place.
"It's Sebastian." I'd say with my head in my hands, not caring how bad the eyeliner looked from the day before still caked on my lids.
"What did he do?" Nicole asked, resting her hand on my knee.
"He hit me! Does he do anything else?"
Lizzy sighed and crossed her legs.
"Do you want me to talk to him again?" Renee asked leaning forward in her plastic chair. The cafeteria was full and hectic.
"No, it won't make a difference. Not unless you guys are gonna pull out some wands and do some Avada Kadavra business up in there." I knew she was trying to help but there as nothing she could do.
"Well, what now?" Lizzy asked.
I suppose that's how I ended up here. In Sebastian's room with his baseball bat in my hand, his cd's in pieces, his books ripped in half, his phone screen shattered and his keyboard missing a few keys. His bat had a few cracks in it, too. Where had my patience gone? I had such a large temper. Never snapping but ALWAYS bottling it up. I'm in trouble now.




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