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Never By Heart

The word love has so many different meanings; there is the love between a boyfriend and a girlfriend, and the love between spouses. No one ever sees the love between a child and their parents. Some say that love just doesn’t exist, maybe it doesn’t, and I’m losing the belief in anything that has to do with love and so many other things.
You left her when she was just a little girl. The relationship between a girl and her mother mean so much. She needed you more than most people could understand. She missed out on so many things as a girl just because you bailed, when things got hard you couldn’t take it anymore. Did you ever think about your little girl and how she hurt and thought that her mother didn’t love her? That maybe she wasn’t good enough for you to stay. A mother is what you call yourself; her mother, but you maybe by blood but never by blood, but never by the heart.
As you try to act like nothing is wrong. She remembers all those times as they went to that police station and waited for you to pick them up. An hour passed and you never came. Her own mother never came. She didn’t hear from you for four long years, you think you can just come back in her life and pretend that nothing happened. The hurt is unbearable; so many tears fell from that little girls eyes, wondering if maybe just maybe her mommy would show back up. Four long years waiting, she gave up, she faced the fact that you would never come.
As her dad laid there on that hospital bed with the cancer killing him, he called you and said he was dying and that little girl saw you for the first time in four long years. The problem was it wasn’t your choice, you didn’t come back for her; you came back because you had to. That little girl is grown up now and she’s done with the pretending, because she just can’t take it anymore. You left your little girl.
A person who truly loves you would never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is. I hide so many of my feelings inside never letting them show. There are so many things that have put an impact in my life and made me who I am. If there is one thing to be happy about it’s I have made of myself. Everything that happened to me as a child I used to make myself a better person. You can’t hold me down; I will always get back up.



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