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Unstable Mable

I sat at my desk in English class, just reading a book, like always. No one really talks to me, but I don’t care. I have all the friends I need in the books I read. I laugh with them. I cry with them. Sometimes, I even talk to them, and pretend the talk back. Maybe they will someday.
Looking up from my book, I notice several pairs of eyes focused on me. Even the ones that aren’t must’ve been staring at me all this time. I can feel it, their stupid, vile thoughts burning into my skin. I hate being here. If everyone dropped off of the face of the planet right this second, I would just finish my book and be content. I don’t claim to be better than anyone else… but I just am.

When the bell rang, I stood up and gathered my things. I’m almost out the door when a gentle hand taps me on the shoulder. I turn to see Blake smiling at me. I’ve had a crush on him since I can remember. Maybe he’s finally noticed.

“You dropped your pencil… I thought you might need it.” He smirks at me as I take the pencil from him. My hand lingers on his as I gaze into his electric green eyes. I can feel the sparks between us. He jerks his hand away. He must’ve felt it to. I wanted to tell him it was okay. The connection between us was sudden. I was scared too. But nothing could come between us.

He darted out of the classroom and into the hallway. I walked behind him, trying to act casual. I have to show him that I’ll be patient. He can take all the time he needs. What is a few hours compared to a lifetime of true love?
...

Ducking into the restroom to gather my thoughts, I realize I’m alone. I stand in front of the full length mirror on the far wall. I notice that my hair is perfect, as always. The long beige strands are teased into an afro-like wad. My bangs rest just below my dull grey eyes, making me look mysterious and interesting. My tall slender figure is accentuated by the long flowing dress I put on this morning. The worn floral patterns catch my eye. They make my pale opaque skin seem more radiant than usual. Most people don’t appreciate my style, but I don’t really care. They don’t matter.
When the bell rings for lunch I practically run to the lunch room, knocking people over when they get in my way. Don’t they get it? They were there. They could see Blake and I standing in the doorway with our eyes locked. They must not want us to be together. I won’t let them ruin what we have. They can’t. I don’t know what their problem is but I’ll deal with it later.
I don’t have time to get a tray. I need to be close to him. I find a seat as close to him as possible. All I can see is the back of his head, but it’s still one of the most amazing things God ever created. His hair is a dark blonde color. It falls just above his ears and swoops subtly to the right. Foot tapping, body vibrating, I have the strongest urge to reach over and caress his neck, his smooth, tan neck. But I don’t. He might not want anyone to know we’re in love yet, which is kind of silly because it has to be obvious. Everyone saw the way he looked at me.
The kid next to me is going on and on about some stupid biology assignment. If only he knew how much was waiting outside the world of academics. I finally pulled my nose out of my book and I found my soul mate. On his tray is, among other things, and small bread roll. When he’s not looking I snatch it away and hide it under the table. He definitely doesn’t need to eat it. It’s hard and crumbles slightly in my hand. I pull the solid lump of bread to my lips and lick its surface. Then, when I think the time is right, I toss it at Blake. It hits him at the nape of his neck. I hope that somehow my saliva touched his neck, that it absorbed it. Now a part of me is a part of him.
Body tense, fists clenched, Blake stands up and looks around the room. He’s obviously looking for me. Who else’s saliva would he be hit with? His eyes wander under furrowed brows around the room franticly. I stare at him the whole time, trying to smile even though I’m getting frustrated. I want to stand up and scream at him, to wave my arms around until he notices me. But instead I sit and wait, my hands clenched in irritation. Then he sees me. His eyes are tense and knowing. When I wink at him he cringes, as if he doesn’t like it. I walk over to him with a calm smile plastered across my lips. “You don’t have to pretend anymore, Blake. Everyone already knows.” His face goes white as I rub his shoulder. Jerking away, he practically screams at me, “What are you talking about? Everyone knows what?” The tone in his voice brings tears to my eyes, but I won’t let him see me cry. I have to be strong. “That we’re in love, that we’re meant to be together… forever.” I hear my voice trail off into a whisper toward the end. His face is twisted into a look of disgust and horror. Shaking his head, he turns and walks away.
Eyes watering, I run toward him to put my arms around him, to comfort him. But he pushes me away. My voice is just shy of a shriek at this point, “Blake, why are you being so difficult?”
“You’re a freak!”
“You don’t mean that…”
I step closer, and he moves away. That’s the final straw, I’m done being gentle. I grab his arm, trying to pull him toward the exit so that we can have some privacy, but he resists. Before I know what I’ve done, I tackle him to the ground with all of my strength. Everything around us is silent and still. Straddling his legs and pinning his arms to the ground, I watch him in all his beauty. Even the fear in his eyes causes warmth in my chest. He won’t stop struggling. “Please just calm down. It’s okay. I love you.” But he doesn’t stop, and an impulse grows stronger inside me. Finally I smash my head against his, rendering him unconscious.
When I’m sure he won’t move I release him. Standing over his limp form, I’m in awe of him. Now I can hear voices around me, somehow seeming far away. I can’t understand what they’re shouting, but I hear my name. Out of the corner of my eye I see teachers running down the hall toward us. Heart pounding, I know I don’t have much time left. So I lay on top of my love, and wait for them to take me.





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