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Outside My Window (Ch. 1)

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First Day Of School
 
Other kids must have it tough. I wonder if they are mean because they don't have a happy family or something. But I won't be able to ask them about it because mother never lets me talk to them. But I always see them outside my window.
 
Outside my window, everything is bright and colorful. I wish mother let me go out there.
 
Outside my window, other children laugh and play with very pretty clothes. Mother won't let me play, and all I get to wear are my pajamas.
 
Mother says I'm not like other kids. That I must stay inside, because I'm sick. Why must I be sick on the first day of school?
 
Inside my window, everything is dull and boring. The same old books. The same old movies, the same vague beeping I hear that seems like it's been etched into my head. Beep beep beep. Over and over and over again. What was the point of that?
 
My mother sits beside me; she's always right there beside me. Right now, she's holding my hand (as she always does) and is reading a thick book that I've read about a hundred times. I know I'm only five, but mother says that's part of what makes me special. I think it's just the boredom and the need to do something that's making me want to try new things.
 
"Mother, why can't I go out and play with the other kids?" I ask. My voice is high and soft, and I could hear air escaping with every word. I had an "airy" voice, as my mother would call it. She looked up and her eyes were tight, as if I had brought up a touchy subject. I saw a layer of water around her eyes, and was worried that the water that flooded her eyes were about to spill over her lower eyelids. I was about to say never mind and change the subject, when suddenly the water had receded and she was back to her dry, stoic expression. 
 
"Because you are too weak. Those kids would make fun of you, love," she said in her matter-of-fact voice. She didn't even look me in the eyes when she rejected my hopes of finally going outside again. I sulked for the rest of the afternoon, daydreaming about what it would be like to be invisible and run outside without anyone knowing.
 




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