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Forgiveness

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No one knows I’m here, I left school, said I was sick, they won’t check. I’m just so tired of everyone’s sidelong looks, do they think I don’t see? That I can’t hear the whispers? I know okay? Every second I remember, but they’ll never let me forget. Even Lettie, she used to say she was my best friend. As soon as the rumors started flying, so did she, away from me whenever I came close. Like I was contagious or something!

But now I’ll teach them all, I look down. Oh God, it looks much higher from here. The gray-green ocean below looks solid dotted with small spots I know are rocks. The stormy sky presses low, wind whipping my loose hair into my eyes.

I mean do they think I don’t feel or something? I never sleep anymore, the little pills the doctor prescribed just make it harder to wake up from the nightmares.

What started out as the best night turned into the worst imaginable, my parents were gone. So my friends picked me up at nine, we drove somewhere, even now I don’t know whose house it was. All I know is at the end of the night I was in a car, Adam was driving, we were both buzzed, laughing about something, I don’t remember what. It happened so fast. One minute an empty dark road, the next, something jumped in front of the headlights. He swerved, we crashed, Adam died, I was ejected. End of story.

Except it’s not, “survivor’s guilt” they call it. I just can’t stop thinking, what if? What if I’d stayed home? What if I’d been driving? Would it have been different? Would I have died instead of him? I wish I knew, I wish I had died with him.

A sudden gust of wind sends me reeling back to the present, something warm is dripping down my face. Tears, again, I sigh, disgusted with myself. They almost never stop these days. I just don’t see any reason to continue this, it’s pointless. Everyone avoids me now, my parents won’t even look at me, my future is worthless. The felonies took care of that. Everything that once meant so much is now worthless.

My whole body is trembling, as I stand. I carefully weigh down a piece of paper taken from my pocket with a rock nearby. They’ll know I was here when they find the note in my room. The piece of paper isn’t much, just an apology to my family for all the pain I’ve put them through, I know I’ve disappointed them. Nothing else is worth mentioning.

I step to the edge of the cliff, a small piece crumbles off and tumbles gracefully into the waves far below. I watch it’s fall transfixed, a faint smile on my face. I take a deep breath, my last one, and close my eyes. I push off and sail feet first into the air, I am free.



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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Jessica. said...
Mar. 18, 2012 at 10:19 pm
Beautifully written. Great story
 
Melody777 replied...
Mar. 19, 2012 at 11:33 am
Thank you!
 
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