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When I`m Gone
I start to gasp for air and cough really bad.
“Honey are you ok”, my dad asks running over to my side. I start to shake my head yes but realize that I can’t breathe at all, I mouth to my dad no call 911 can’t breathe. He runs over to the phone to call 911 and I was thinking great just before winter ball I have to go to the hospital people already think I`m a freak enough. That’s all people think that I’m anorexic, that I’m a freak and have an eating disorder but the truth is the doctors don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have been to almost fifty specialist and about half of those all think I am perfectly fine the other half thinks I’m a freak. The next thing I knew about five people were rushing towards me saying it was going be ok.
I woke up in a dark room with my father sitting next to my bed.
“Hey daddy”, I say weakly
“Hey hon, everything is going to be ok just get your rest for now”, he says. I drift off to sleep only to wake up to a nurse poking a needle into my arm.
“Hey that hurts”’ I complain.
“You`re awake”, the nurse says in utter surprise.
“Yes I am, what is so shocking?” I say.
“Well you just came out of surgery honey, your right long collapsed”, she states.
“Ok but can you hand me my laptop?”I ask. She shrugs and hands it to me.
“Am I going to die?” I ask in a quiet voice.
“The chances are very high, you are too skinny and aren`t getting enough nutrition so your immune system is very weak, at this point a common cold can almost kill you”, she says.
“How long do I have?” I ask.
“Three months if you don’t get sick”, she says.
“Ok but I don`t want to spend the rest of my life in a hospital, or trapped in my house, I want to live the rest of my life. So I’m going home,” I state
I love you daddy, I know you will be devastated to read this being my will to you but it’s my last chance to be heard on this earth.
I don’t want a big funeral just a little one in that little cemetery by our house. I want to be buried next to a big willow tree (the one located in the back of the cemetery) I want to be buried in my light pink dress with no makeup. I don’t want people to speak about me that don`t care about me. Most of all I want you to be happy I don’t want you to mope around being all sad just go on and live your life, oh and daddy one more thing you will find a note in the top drawer of my dresser I want you to take that to school and read it to everyone in school they will Know what I’m talking about. I love you daddy very much and will never stop no matter how long I’m dead I will always be there with you in your heart.
To the whole high school……. Thanks for nothing, every signal day you made fun of me and beat me up. You broke my ribs three times and did I say anything ….. No I didn`t. I want you to think about what you did to me every signal day of the year and ask yourself….. Are you the reason I’m dead?