Why do you HAVE to love me?! It’s killing me; slowly killing me.
You’re my best friend. You’re my diary filled with juicy secrets no one else knows. You’re my protector, never letting harm come upon me. You’re the shoulder I rub my wet eyes on as I think about the past. You’re the one who tells me how beautiful I am on my “ugly” days. You’re my inspiration to do the things that scare me. And after I do them, you’re the first one to pat me on the back.
But I can see the hurt in your eyes. The pat on the back lasts longer than it should. You leave your hand there, wanting so badly to touch my face and pull me in for a long and never-ending kiss. I can see right through you.
You get lost in my eyes constantly; my muddy brown eyes, nothing special to anyone else. But you see something there. What is it that makes you look at me like that?! Please tell me so I can rid it from myself, throw it away and never find it again. I know that you don’t want to see what you see. You know how much this pains me. And that hurts you, which hurts me even more.
So we are killing each other; slowly killing each other.
You’re not supposed to feel this way! I need you as what you are, companion, confidant and brother; nothing more. I wish I could scream in your face so loudly that all the windows on our block would shatter. “I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU AND NEVER WILL BE!” Although you already know the obvious, hearing it from these lips that you seem to love so much would shatter your heart as badly as the windows.
I love you so much, but not in the way you want me to. I couldn’t live without you but dear god, why didn’t you make him my brother?! How can he do this to me, love me? Stop looking at me with those unsatisfied eyes. Stop using that deep, soft-spoken voice you use to try to make me want you. Stop sweating so much when I touch you. Stop those butterflies in your stomach. Stop everything. Please, it’s killing us.
I know it’s not your fault. “You don’t choose who you love,” you once told me.
But is it possible to choose who not to love? I’d thought to myself, hoping that my conscious would give me the answers I so desperately needed and need right now.
I am tired of seeing you trying so hard to have me. Why do you HAVE to love me? I am nothing special. You tell me that my laugh is like angels singing but all I hear is donkeys braying. You say that my smile fills the world with joy when I find it impossible that my small crooked teeth could make anyone happy.
It’s slowly killing me in the worst way possible. It’s painful and agonizing. I want it to end; right now. Not tomorrow, not next year and not in 20 years. It needs to end here. I will what I have to do.
I will sacrifice myself; sacrifice my happiness, my true feelings and our friendship as we know it.
I won’t let your love kill me. I do it myself instead.
You’re hand stays on my back. I don’t make a move to stop you as your eyes melt into mine, your fingers softly tracing my spine. I will do what I have to do.
I kiss you.
I am dead now. But you....you are flying.
You’re my best friend. You’re my diary filled with juicy secrets no one else knows. You’re my protector, never letting harm come upon me. You’re the shoulder I rub my wet eyes on as I think about the past. You’re the one who tells me how beautiful I am on my “ugly” days. You’re my inspiration to do the things that scare me. And after I do them, you’re the first one to pat me on the back.
But I can see the hurt in your eyes. The pat on the back lasts longer than it should. You leave your hand there, wanting so badly to touch my face and pull me in for a long and never-ending kiss. I can see right through you.
You get lost in my eyes constantly; my muddy brown eyes, nothing special to anyone else. But you see something there. What is it that makes you look at me like that?! Please tell me so I can rid it from myself, throw it away and never find it again. I know that you don’t want to see what you see. You know how much this pains me. And that hurts you, which hurts me even more.
So we are killing each other; slowly killing each other.
You’re not supposed to feel this way! I need you as what you are, companion, confidant and brother; nothing more. I wish I could scream in your face so loudly that all the windows on our block would shatter. “I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU AND NEVER WILL BE!” Although you already know the obvious, hearing it from these lips that you seem to love so much would shatter your heart as badly as the windows.
I love you so much, but not in the way you want me to. I couldn’t live without you but dear god, why didn’t you make him my brother?! How can he do this to me, love me? Stop looking at me with those unsatisfied eyes. Stop using that deep, soft-spoken voice you use to try to make me want you. Stop sweating so much when I touch you. Stop those butterflies in your stomach. Stop everything. Please, it’s killing us.
I know it’s not your fault. “You don’t choose who you love,” you once told me.
But is it possible to choose who not to love? I’d thought to myself, hoping that my conscious would give me the answers I so desperately needed and need right now.
I am tired of seeing you trying so hard to have me. Why do you HAVE to love me? I am nothing special. You tell me that my laugh is like angels singing but all I hear is donkeys braying. You say that my smile fills the world with joy when I find it impossible that my small crooked teeth could make anyone happy.
It’s slowly killing me in the worst way possible. It’s painful and agonizing. I want it to end; right now. Not tomorrow, not next year and not in 20 years. It needs to end here. I will what I have to do.
I will sacrifice myself; sacrifice my happiness, my true feelings and our friendship as we know it.
I won’t let your love kill me. I do it myself instead.
You’re hand stays on my back. I don’t make a move to stop you as your eyes melt into mine, your fingers softly tracing my spine. I will do what I have to do.
I kiss you.
I am dead now. But you....you are flying.
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