Submerged

I threw a small pebble in the cold river, blacker than the night, where it fell and disappeared without a trace. A smile played at the corners of my mouth. I would be next. Gone in the river, never to be discovered again. My fate, never more sure than at this moment, was devised of my own free will; for once no one standing in my way.

Although perhaps it was the actions of the people around me that had led me to make this decision, but the final choice was all my own. I was sure to explain all this in my letter, so that none would be blamed for my final act. It was not anyone else that had wished me to do what I was, after all. They had no way to tell everything happening to me had become too much, and that I had only one solution to fix it. Perhaps it would not be viewed as a fix to most, but to me it was, and, considering the difficulties and disadvantages I had already endured, this was more than enough for me. Besides, I did not plan to be around long enough to truly know the reaction created by what I planned to do tonight.

I wondered which would be the most painless and fastest way to submerge myself in the water. It seemed that getting used to the temperature at first, like one would a cold pool on some of the first days of summer, would not be he best idea foe someone with an intention such as mine. The best was, I decided, would be to just jump in and let the water do the rest. I didn’t plan to fight it, giving in would not be the difficulty in this case. Even so, I couldn’t help but to admit, even in my own thoughts, (who else was there to listen anyway?) that I was afraid. I knew the emotion was uncalled for, illogical even. What was there to fear? The worst outcome was that I would survive, and if that were to happen I could just try again. I would be bound to succeed sometime, as long as I kept going, kept trying.

There wasn’t going to be a better time than now. The sun had disappeared from the sky, creating a blackness that stole away my vision. While this created a bit of a discomfort, I found myself smiling, for if I could not see, then neither could anyone else. Therefore, there would be no one to stop me from taking the action I had so decided.
I refused to believe that another option was available to me. There isn’t always such thing as a choice. Sometimes there is only one thing to do, one action to take. Like now.
I slipped off my shoes, leaving them on the shore, stuck in the sand until they were found by someone else. Perhaps they will recognize me by them. I am the only one who wears them anyway. If they didn’t know my but the shoes, they would easily identify me by the locket mi always wore around my neck. I slipped that off of me and laid it in the sand, making sure it was plenty noticeable.
Satisfied that all my small affairs were in order, I set out for the water. I had decided that running in would be the best idea. Feeling the freezing cold water coming over my ankles, my knees, my waist, and finally my neck, I knew it wouldn’t be much longer. A final step left me completely submerged in water.





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