Old Timer

September 6, 2011
My hands are thin and wrinkled and my knuckles are knobby. My feet are sore from all the walking I have done and my knees are weak from standing tall for as long as possible. Now I am stuck in this bed with my photographs. The one I hold and look at the most is the one of me and you. High school. We were in high school. You were a senior, yes, I remember it all clearly. I was a junior, but no one cared. I had blond hair and you were tall. This was homecoming. I close my eyes and I see the stiff paper streamers around the old gym and the taste of watery punch spike with mystery alcohol. How I had always wished I could see you one more time, but now I'm nearing my time. Soon I will see you again and we can be young and happy, together forever.





Join the Discussion

This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

ChocoMint said...
Oct. 6, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Very cute.  I love the small plot.  =+T Watch out for careless mistakes though.  You tended to have several run-on sentences.  Other than that, good job.  <><
 
Odessa_Sterling00 replied...
Oct. 6, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Thanks for the feedback.

One thing, I don't see any run on sentences.

 
ChocoMint replied...
Oct. 6, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Sorry, I phrased that wrong.  You have incorrectly punctuated compound sentences.  i.e.  "My feet are sore from all the walking I have done [COMMA] and my knees are weak from standing tall for as long as possible."  There are a few of those.    <><
 
Odessa_Sterling00 replied...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Oh, I see.  I have a thing for commas. (:
 
ChocoMint replied...
Oct. 9, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Same here!  =+P
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback