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In Both Worlds

In the fantasy…
In the fantasy there is nothing that bothers me. There is no pain, no suffering, and no awful past. There is no memory of being beaten, no recollection of the verbal abuse. In the fantasy, the one I love loves me back, and we are happy.

In real life…
In real life that is a lie. There is nothing keeping me from the one thing that I fear. In real life no one gives a d***. When I open the door to my home all I can hear is loud yelling and the occasional smack of flesh hitting flesh. In real life, the one I loved left me alone on the one night I needed him most.

In the fantasy…
In the fantasy I have a savior. My savior takes me far; far away from the awful place I call my home. My savior takes me somewhere that is quiet, no one yelling. My savior takes me somewhere that is…normal.

In real life…
In real life the only savior that I can hope for is myself. I cannot expect anyone to help me, why would they? I am no one. I am not like them. I am not needed.

In the fantasy…
In the fantasy I am loved by all. I am treated as an equal, not an outsider. I don’t live in the scary place, and I don’t have bruises on my arms and face that I need to hide. In the fantasy, I can genuinely smile and laugh, and not have to fake it. I am happy.

In real life…
In real life I have given up. I am going to get out, no matter what it takes. I have no problem with ending my life if that’s what I have to do. I would rather escape to continue living my life in better conditions, but since I haven’t seen any action taken for that to actually happen, I don’t expect it.

In the fantasy…
In the fantasy I am strong enough to save myself. I am turning my life around and slowly but surely getting into a normal routine that I will continue to follow for the rest of my life. In the fantasy I have achieved the impossible. I did what they told me that could not be done. I have gotten out.

In real life…
In real life I am trying. I am trying to achieve my fantasy, fulfill my lifelong dream. There is nothing that is going to stand in my way anymore; I will not let it. In real life I am ready to try.

In both worlds…
In both worlds, there is no difference anymore. I have saved myself from what I thought was my life forever. I don’t hear someone yelling every night. My bruises have faded. I don’t have to be afraid anymore. In both worlds, the one I worry about most is myself. I have learned to look out for my own needs as well as those of others, but to not allow other people to become more important than myself. In both worlds, I can smile. In both worlds, I can laugh. In both worlds, I am happy.





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