I had been here for three months now and the people here are terrible. They think I’m crazy but I swear that I’m fine. I want someone to tell me that there’s nothing wrong with me. There couldn’t be, could there? No. There’s absolutely no question about. I’m perfectly fine. Honest.
It is Sunday, March 19th and my nurse comes through my door and tells me that a friend of mine is here to see me. I don’t know what she’s talking about, I don’t have any friends but I don’t ask either. I just nod. My nurse moves away from the door way and lets the girl that was standing behind her walk in. When I see her, I can’t believe my eyes. She is the girl that I had envied for years. We grew up a street away from each other and she often came over when her mom went out to work. She had the nicest clothes, the prettiest eyes, and the silkiest hair I had ever seen, and she still does. She used to be my best friend and her name is Sophie. But why would she visit me? I thought we were no longer close friends… what did she care that I was in a mental hospital?
She looks at me and smiles and carefully says hi. She asks me how the people have been treating me here and I tell her they’ve been nice. I would’ve said something else, something harsh or scornful about the people here but my nurse is watching me carefully. Sophie then goes on; asking me what everyday life is like here. Soon, I wish she would just stop because it’s annoying. She’s acting like she doesn’t know me, asking me all these stupid questions. She’s acting like this mental hospital is some type of sanctuary because she looks around my room and says: It looks nice here, this is really nice room. It’s not. It’s terrible and I hate it here. I don’t know why I was put me here. It doesn’t make sense. I’m not physco or anything and the blue, blue walls make me feel like I’m isolated in some type of inescapable prison.
Don’t you miss it back at school Alison? Remember how we used to get detention almost every day for passing notes in class? And remember how we used to hang out after school at your place and shout things out from your rooftop? I don’t want to answer any of those questions but I nod and say sure anyways.
I haven’t seen Sophie for three months and she looks amazing. Just like always. She’s perfect. I really wish I was like her. She’s tall, beautiful, blonde and blue-eyed. I really wish. I’m sixteen now and I’ve been wishing that for nine years now.
How’s your family? She asks. I don’t answer her right away, I don’t want to. Why would she ask me that anyways? Doesn’t she know that I hate my family and they hate me? They don’t even want to come visit me. They’re the ones who placed me here. They couldn’t handle me anymore because I wasn’t the person I used to be. I used to be such an optimistic person but jealousy had taken too much control over me ever since the start of my junior year at high school.
I spent every day being miserable, spent every day wishing I was Sophie. And the fact that I couldn’t be like her made me feel depressed and that lead to falling behind in school. And that was called ruining my family’s reputation. Both my parents went to Columbia and now my brother does too. Also, I never got along with my dad or my mom, we fought constantly. It was mostly that I didn’t get along with my dad but my mom would always accuse me of starting fights with my dad so that resulted in my resentment towards her too. Altogether, I was depressed and jealous, I was failing my classes, I didn’t get along with my dad or mom, and I was close to having no friends because of my cloudy disposition. So in the end, my parents decided that I needed help and they sent me here.
I remember Sophie asking me if I was okay one day at school. I assured her that I was and she didn’t ask any more questions, I think she could tell that I didn’t want to be bothered or questioned. This was only a few days before I was sent here. Me and Sophie were drifting apart because she had found another friend who wasn’t always depressed or complaining to her about how hard life was all the time.
There was silence between us because I still hadn’t answered her question. What am I supposed to tell her? She’s looking at me with expectant eyes and I finally tell her that I don’t know. Then she asks: Don’t they come here to visit you? I shake my head no. She grabs my hand looks at me with wide eyes and says why? I tell her that they don’t care and they are the ones who put me here. Now she’s in full shock and says what?! The more she questions me, the angrier I get. Why did my own parents do this to me? I’m not crazy. This place is for demented people. I’m not demented. I was just a little jealous and a little depressed at times. But I swear that I’m not crazy. I’m not.
All in all, I can’t tell Sophie the reason why they put me here because it involves her. She can’t know that I was and am jealous of her. I wish she would just stop asking me all these questions. It only makes me angrier and it only makes me think about how she’s not in a mental hospital because her family loves her so much. She couldn’t possibly know what it feels like to be left out, to feel unloved. If she doesn’t know what it feels like, how could she possibly care? For all these years, she’s been shoving her perfection into my face. She had the perfect family and I’m assuming she still does. Sophie has what I need most. I remember how she always told me stories about what she and her family did over a break or something. Those stories only added to my jealousy. Obviously she doesn’t care. She didn’t care then, when I told her that I wasn’t close to my dad like she was, why would she care now about me and my family?
I don’t answer her. I just stare at her and soon, I notice that my nostrils are starting to flare. My jaw is clenching. I wish she would just go away. I can’t believe she wants to push me into telling her my situation and why I’m here. I realize that I hate her. I really, really, really hate her. Why did she come here? Why did she have to come here and make me think about my family and how much they hate me? Just her presence triggers excruciating pain because she’s so unlike me, she has a family and I don’t. My nurse is looking at me suspiciously now. Something inside of me is about to erupt.
The more I stare at her, the more outraged I am. She asks if I’m okay but I don’t answer, instead I lunge out at her. I put both my hands around her neck and I pin her up against the wall. And I tell her, since she wants to know so badly. You’ve always known that I was jealous of you! You knew that I had family problems, okay? Why’d you push me, Sophie? Why? I was put here because I was so jealous of you that I eventually couldn’t handle it anymore. My parents couldn’t either. I turned into a mess, Sophie, all because of you. It was all because of you that my parents put me here. They think I’m crazy, depressed. Do you know that they think I’m ridiculous?! Sophie, they don’t love me anymore because you came along and turned me into a mess. Do you get that? I shout. My nurse starts her frantic calls for help while trying to get me off of Sophie.
Sophie doesn’t say anything because she is too busy screaming and thrashing around, trying to pry my fingers off of her neck. Soon, a bunch of people flood my room and they all try to help Sophie. There is so much commotion. I try to tighten my grip on her neck but suddenly I can feel something sharp go through my left arm. My vision starts to blur and the last thing I see is Sophie’s blonde hair flying behind her while she runs out the door. And then everything turns black.
It is Sunday, March 19th and my nurse comes through my door and tells me that a friend of mine is here to see me. I don’t know what she’s talking about, I don’t have any friends but I don’t ask either. I just nod. My nurse moves away from the door way and lets the girl that was standing behind her walk in. When I see her, I can’t believe my eyes. She is the girl that I had envied for years. We grew up a street away from each other and she often came over when her mom went out to work. She had the nicest clothes, the prettiest eyes, and the silkiest hair I had ever seen, and she still does. She used to be my best friend and her name is Sophie. But why would she visit me? I thought we were no longer close friends… what did she care that I was in a mental hospital?
She looks at me and smiles and carefully says hi. She asks me how the people have been treating me here and I tell her they’ve been nice. I would’ve said something else, something harsh or scornful about the people here but my nurse is watching me carefully. Sophie then goes on; asking me what everyday life is like here. Soon, I wish she would just stop because it’s annoying. She’s acting like she doesn’t know me, asking me all these stupid questions. She’s acting like this mental hospital is some type of sanctuary because she looks around my room and says: It looks nice here, this is really nice room. It’s not. It’s terrible and I hate it here. I don’t know why I was put me here. It doesn’t make sense. I’m not physco or anything and the blue, blue walls make me feel like I’m isolated in some type of inescapable prison.
Don’t you miss it back at school Alison? Remember how we used to get detention almost every day for passing notes in class? And remember how we used to hang out after school at your place and shout things out from your rooftop? I don’t want to answer any of those questions but I nod and say sure anyways.
I haven’t seen Sophie for three months and she looks amazing. Just like always. She’s perfect. I really wish I was like her. She’s tall, beautiful, blonde and blue-eyed. I really wish. I’m sixteen now and I’ve been wishing that for nine years now.
How’s your family? She asks. I don’t answer her right away, I don’t want to. Why would she ask me that anyways? Doesn’t she know that I hate my family and they hate me? They don’t even want to come visit me. They’re the ones who placed me here. They couldn’t handle me anymore because I wasn’t the person I used to be. I used to be such an optimistic person but jealousy had taken too much control over me ever since the start of my junior year at high school.
I spent every day being miserable, spent every day wishing I was Sophie. And the fact that I couldn’t be like her made me feel depressed and that lead to falling behind in school. And that was called ruining my family’s reputation. Both my parents went to Columbia and now my brother does too. Also, I never got along with my dad or my mom, we fought constantly. It was mostly that I didn’t get along with my dad but my mom would always accuse me of starting fights with my dad so that resulted in my resentment towards her too. Altogether, I was depressed and jealous, I was failing my classes, I didn’t get along with my dad or mom, and I was close to having no friends because of my cloudy disposition. So in the end, my parents decided that I needed help and they sent me here.
I remember Sophie asking me if I was okay one day at school. I assured her that I was and she didn’t ask any more questions, I think she could tell that I didn’t want to be bothered or questioned. This was only a few days before I was sent here. Me and Sophie were drifting apart because she had found another friend who wasn’t always depressed or complaining to her about how hard life was all the time.
There was silence between us because I still hadn’t answered her question. What am I supposed to tell her? She’s looking at me with expectant eyes and I finally tell her that I don’t know. Then she asks: Don’t they come here to visit you? I shake my head no. She grabs my hand looks at me with wide eyes and says why? I tell her that they don’t care and they are the ones who put me here. Now she’s in full shock and says what?! The more she questions me, the angrier I get. Why did my own parents do this to me? I’m not crazy. This place is for demented people. I’m not demented. I was just a little jealous and a little depressed at times. But I swear that I’m not crazy. I’m not.
All in all, I can’t tell Sophie the reason why they put me here because it involves her. She can’t know that I was and am jealous of her. I wish she would just stop asking me all these questions. It only makes me angrier and it only makes me think about how she’s not in a mental hospital because her family loves her so much. She couldn’t possibly know what it feels like to be left out, to feel unloved. If she doesn’t know what it feels like, how could she possibly care? For all these years, she’s been shoving her perfection into my face. She had the perfect family and I’m assuming she still does. Sophie has what I need most. I remember how she always told me stories about what she and her family did over a break or something. Those stories only added to my jealousy. Obviously she doesn’t care. She didn’t care then, when I told her that I wasn’t close to my dad like she was, why would she care now about me and my family?
I don’t answer her. I just stare at her and soon, I notice that my nostrils are starting to flare. My jaw is clenching. I wish she would just go away. I can’t believe she wants to push me into telling her my situation and why I’m here. I realize that I hate her. I really, really, really hate her. Why did she come here? Why did she have to come here and make me think about my family and how much they hate me? Just her presence triggers excruciating pain because she’s so unlike me, she has a family and I don’t. My nurse is looking at me suspiciously now. Something inside of me is about to erupt.
The more I stare at her, the more outraged I am. She asks if I’m okay but I don’t answer, instead I lunge out at her. I put both my hands around her neck and I pin her up against the wall. And I tell her, since she wants to know so badly. You’ve always known that I was jealous of you! You knew that I had family problems, okay? Why’d you push me, Sophie? Why? I was put here because I was so jealous of you that I eventually couldn’t handle it anymore. My parents couldn’t either. I turned into a mess, Sophie, all because of you. It was all because of you that my parents put me here. They think I’m crazy, depressed. Do you know that they think I’m ridiculous?! Sophie, they don’t love me anymore because you came along and turned me into a mess. Do you get that? I shout. My nurse starts her frantic calls for help while trying to get me off of Sophie.
Sophie doesn’t say anything because she is too busy screaming and thrashing around, trying to pry my fingers off of her neck. Soon, a bunch of people flood my room and they all try to help Sophie. There is so much commotion. I try to tighten my grip on her neck but suddenly I can feel something sharp go through my left arm. My vision starts to blur and the last thing I see is Sophie’s blonde hair flying behind her while she runs out the door. And then everything turns black.
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