Heart beat quickening, Elizabeth slowly steadies her breath. The pain burns within her, yet, cut by cut the blood continues to pump through her body. She can feel each beat as it pulses through her. The shiny yet hard tool continues to sweep across her skin. Her face is still wet and salty; from tears flowing freely down her face and the blood that flows freely from her body. Slowly her eyes fluttered open. She drags her vision from the tool in her hand to the marks on her wrist. The rubies begin to bleed at the spot where the cuts were opened. Dazed and dreamy eyed she begins pulling off soft quilted toilet paper. She begins to dab at the blood. This soaks it up growing larger and larger as it soaks up more and more of her life. The light reflects off of the tool that once more is pressed deep into the deathly pale flesh, and is ripped across the river flowing within her. Biting her lip hard, a single salty drop flows freely down her pale cheek. This was not the first or the last. The drops begin to fall harder and harder, yet they never make a sound. Salty and sweet tastes mix into an odd sensation that flows across her tongue. All senses are on high alert; heart pumping fast, body tense, tired, rundown. Yet, she feels a sense of calm and peace flowing throughout her body. She relishes the feeling with a sigh. Everything feels better, everything feels right, and nothing seems amiss. There are many ways that she has marred her body with that will be with her forever. She hates herself can’t stand herself yet as long as she gets that high that gets her through the day she will be ok. Heart pumping, but breathing normally now, all she wants is to sleep, relax, and fall asleep. Eyelids fluttering trying to stay open, yet they can stay open no longer. Hundreds of pounds weigh her down. She is thrown into a sea, expected to swim but she can’t. She is like sand in the sea moving with the current, for she is just a single piece of sand, mixed with all the other pieces of sand in the world. Looking and acting like she is suppose to blending in with everyone else. No one will know what is inside that little grain of sand but her.
March 16, 2011