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May 7th, 2008
T E A R S ! This the first time I started writing in you since I brought you from the flee market 2 weeks ago Patrick. My life don't seem like it's so good. I feel like jumping off a bridge and killing myself. I got cramps, major cramps, and I wanna go to Lay-Lay party in the basement. Everybody gone be there, you know its gone be live; but if these cramps don't go away I mines well kiss the party goodbye. I had a pretty good day till these cramps came. I went to school. The weather is beautiful today. Is it? Oh, yes it is. We was in little Ceaser's eating pizza and the funnies thing happened, Diary I was weak; I couldn't stop laughing for nothing. I was walking with Tootie and Priscilla, my two main chicks, this boy was riding his bike, he stopped and looked at me at was like “My God; Your so Beautiful, Were Have You Been My Whole Life”? I started laughing at him like Eww. Then next thing you know he hit the edge of the curb and went flying off his bike.
L M F A O O O O !
You know I was laughing right at him. I could tell he was pissed because he just kept looking at me with a grin, then when I walked pasted he was like “Beauty”. I'm like okay then. Boys these days...
Aye, I dead just woke up from a long nap and I feel pretty good. Tootie and them came busting in my damn room while I'm sleeping talking about get up girl, we going ta the partay. I'm like partay? What is this world coming to? Good thing my cramps went away because I definitely wasn't gone go. I can tell my friend is coming, but it's coming late this month. Why? I don't know. I did my hair before I went to sleep so you know I'm looking Fab. FABULOUS! The girls gone hate but straight up son, anybody get crazy we straight spanking them. That's how it goes. I been feening to knock somebody out to. But Patrick let me get dress and all lat. Latazzzzzzzz :) I'm going to have me a good time.
P.S. Drop dead gorgeous !
A party? Na, Na, Na, that party was live. Matter a fact that party was off the chain. My feet still moving as if I'm dancing. I'm glad I ain't miss it because I would've been tight. My #1 was there Patrick. He was looking so good, I couldn't keep my eyes off him. He whispered in my ear “Aye Lil Sweet Mama You Miss Daddy”? I dead started busting out laughing in his face. I was mad drunk. Daddy? SMFH.. Who daddy? DEFF NOT MINES! Ma daddy live in the Bronx. But it was so cute though, I can't help the way I feel about him. Since Eleven30Oh7; I been in love with him. I don't understand why we keep breaking up and going back out. He know I won't talk to none of his friends or none of that long as I know he still in love with me. He always tell me “Nancy I Love You Girl”, but sometimes I be thinking he be lying because I stay catching him lying. Liar? Yes he is. But I love him. Anyways the party was jinking. Oh and she had some Jamaicans there. WHAT? They was getting crazy with me. One of them done flipped me over and threw me in the air, all types of s***. But I loved it, you know I did. My ladies seemed like they had a good time. No one got out of hand. So it was a good Friday night. But Patrick I'm calling it the night because I got to go see ______ tomorrow. I won't never tell on my little secret. That's how we gone keep it.
I HATE THIS HOUSE !
If I could explain to you why Patrick, Oh my lord ! He see's everything that goes on around, but why can't he give me the strength I need to move on, to keep pressing? Only my stepfather knows my pain that goes on in this house. But I can't take this nonsense no more (crying and screaming). This just to much. I hate my ______. True story, I wish I never met her sometimes. I wish she never walked on this earth long as I'm still living. I can't even hardly write, my hands shaking. Boy I'm gone put hands on little girl. I'm gone beat the breaks off her. I'm gone spank her something stupid. Patrick let me go, I'm going crazy over here.
P.S Ten11 <3; Baby I know sometimes things get tough between us but that doesn't mean I don't love you. Baby I Oh'dee love you. Please, I don't ever want this to end. I ain't never had love like this.
If they say life is so easy, why make it seem so hard? Smh... Kill me !
Dear Patrick, Ayeeee !
Sitting in 1st period
B O R E D !
Me and my brother passing notes back and forth talking about dumb ish. Lmfaooo :) If you notice, I been smiling this morning, Last night I went through hell :( .
Life sucks sometimes but I got to go through some stuff in order to get where I'm headed. This little big head boy dead just sat here and wrote his name all over my books like he know me talking about:
C A L L YOUNG :]
#Fact: Stacks Own Nancy Est: 1O11TEN
And oh yeah tomorrow is my favorite little sitter and brother anniversary. Yay ! So tonight we gone head to the movies and mack and alla that. You know. But let me go, I gotta head to my next class.
Life sucks, then it seems like reality sets back in. No matter what I'm gone stick by my baby side. Through the ups and the downs. Ten11Twenty1O <3 You my life now. The greatest love, I wont lose. Me without you is like the train without no tracks
BABY I WON'T MOVE !
Even my family loves him. & So Do I ; YES NANCY DOES.
How do I explain the way I feel? How do I just let go so easily? How can I be in so much pain”? Why cant anybody answer my questions with a straight answer? Sucking my teeth ! I don't understand this. It's been almost a month and I feel like I'm in love already. But how could I tell him my life story even after he told me everything he been through and he hope I can change the way he feel. But how can I tell him what happened to me a couple of months ago? I thought I was supposed to leave the past in the past and move on, even though sometimes it still hurts me till this day. God. Why? He'll never understand the pain I faced and how. Why can't people just stay out of my relationships and let it be. It feels so right being with him. I could cope with but so much Patrick. This is not the life I want to live. I want you to come back home. The way I'm going without you just don't seem right. I'm missing you to much. Seems like forever I'll see you again. I've been looking for a way out and now I've found it.
F A C T : EVEN WHEN YOUR HAPPY, THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEBODY TRYING TO BRING YOU DOWN ''/
Stupid me, I keep falling for the same trap. I know my mother tries and help me move on but I'm just not myself anymore. I don't think I will ever be myself again. Good relationships take time but this is just to much. I can't take it. Now I'm hurting so much because I miss you and what you used to do. Patrick my Price is so different so why can't he just give me time and I'll tell him when I'm ready?
? Although I'm missing you, I'll find a way to get through. You are my strength and my pride. Only God may know why :/ Come home please?