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T'mare

I'm in a trance,
You're only a vision to me.
Your soul fusing with mine,
Negativity, positiveness, happy, sadness run through my mind 24/7.
My body can't slow down; demons will resurface; they will get to me once again,
Take me over and tear my flesh by each muscle strain in my body.
Nothing will ever be the same,
Demons eat my flesh, drink my blood like it is the last dinner, but Jesus ain't guiding them.
Woken up from my own screams, screaming for someone to end my suffering;
Bruises, scratches are just a few of the thing you have left on my body...



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Mickey_D said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 12:21 am

This would be more appropriate in poetry. Just saying. Excuse me for being... I don't get why I'm the only person saying this, is there someone else out there who appreciates organization for functionality?

 

And as a poetry piece, I liked it... Good job. As free-verse storytelling poetry (which does not make it a "fiction" or story piece) I cannot give advice/approval/disapproval because free-verse is all about expression without rules.

 

But I liked it ... (more »)

 
MysteryHeart replied...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 11:03 am
i agree most definatly
 
GuitarGirl92851 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 12:20 pm
Yeah, I've seen quite a few pieces that are written like this, as if they belong more in poetry.
 
Bigbirdocho said...
Oct. 16, 2010 at 11:52 am
well thank you :) means alot
 
Bigbirdocho said...
Oct. 16, 2010 at 11:52 am
thank you very much
 
pookah22 said...
Oct. 16, 2010 at 10:02 am
Great writing! The emotion is really felt by the reader.
 
miss_blue said...
Oct. 16, 2010 at 12:30 am
it is very good great job but what's it about
 
Bigbirdocho replied...
Oct. 16, 2010 at 11:52 am
the point of this story was to lead u into it without knowing anything then later on you find out this girl was abused
 
Alexia_Grey said...
Oct. 16, 2010 at 12:12 am
That heaps good! i like it! Keep writting! it was very short and sweet!
 
liveloud said...
Oct. 8, 2010 at 10:33 pm
This is sooo cool, i luv it. 
 
Elisabeth said...
Sept. 24, 2010 at 9:01 pm
Nice story... very goth feeling, very scary for the person in the story.
 
Bigbirdocho replied...
Sept. 24, 2010 at 9:07 pm
well thank you
 
BrainsANDBeauty This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 24, 2010 at 6:15 am
This is wonderful.  Great imagery!
 
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