voices

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I walked out the door that night feeling hopeless and stared at the moon.I sucked in a deep breath but something wouldnt let me scream.I whent back inside and rushed to my bedroom so my mother wouldnt notice the pain and tears in my eyes.I knew I was insane and i wanted to die.
I looked for a sharp object but couldnt find one so I took a good grip at my hair and yanked.the sound of the hair ripping out of my head was so relaxing and wonderful.This release made me calm and kept me beathing beacuse without it I would have already comitted suiside.I lied on my bed and cried myself to sleep as usual.
I awoke two hours later and sat down in the corner of my room."kill yourself"they continued with"you dont deserve life."These where the voices that haunt my head.They where killing me from the inside.They already took everything from me from my friends to my sanity.I didnt belive in love or happiness anymore.I whent into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.Voices began screaming "Look at yourself, your ugly,stupid,pathetic,no one wants you here,why dont you just die."I didn't sleep the rest of that night.
I whent to school the next day dressed in black as usual.First I had math and got pulled out of class because I couldnt concentrate.I whent to the counslers office with an aching head and was finaly able to go back to class hours later.I had no idea what I had.Was it schitzophrenia,or maybe a way of my mind making thouts about suiside?Whatever it was I couldnt stand it anymore.After another day of being made fun of at school I whent to my therapy.
Months pass.I have a lot of pain more than I did before.The voices are barely there but now when they come my halucconations are a lot more severe.I also cant go two hours without thinking of death.I eathier sleep to much or hardly at all.The cutting and the hair pulling had stoped but the wanting to do it was still there.
Today I come home wanting to cry.Voices come and I only pull my hair once in a while.I have been like this for such a long time somtimes I think I should kill myself as the voices say.I have something in my head that to this day I still can not control.I have so much sadness and a past that I still need to let go of.Theres one thing I have gained and thats knowing that I have to stay strong.I now have a little bit of hope a ,belive in love again ,and the best part is I think im pulling through.





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