My Past, My Present, My Future: Unknown

A quick glance to my clock makes me want to shudder; Four o’clock in the morning. I don’t know what astonishes me more: the fact that I am dressed and ready to go out, or the fact that I am actually going out. Up the staircase I can hear soft snoring from my parents’ bedroom. My phone vibrates softly in my pocket, and the only thought running through my mind betrays everything I should be doing. I should be sleeping. I should be staying in the house. I should be following the rules and not sneaking around. But my thoughts and actions just can’t follow what I should be doing.

As I quietly creep my way to the back door, I stop frequently to check if any snoring has ceased, though it never does. It always makes me wonder if they really care enough to stop me. In my heart I know they do, but my head keeps telling me otherwise. In my head, I think that if they really cared, I wouldn’t be a part of anything like this at all. But even so, I open the door, cringing when it beeps. I close it hastily, silently, and then sprint my way across the lawn. My heart is pounding like I’m in a marathon, and I’m so scared that I could have a panic attack at any moment, but I keep going. After I make my way over the back fence, I am free. I guide myself to the elementary school parking lot nearby, watching everything around me. I make a note of how everything is so different before the sun comes up, and it makes me feel daring, impulsive. But then, I realize everything I’m doing right now is daring and impulsive. Reckless would probably make the list too.

At the parking lot, I glance around until I find exactly what I came for. The first thing I always notice is his height. Over six feet definitely, maybe six foot three. But that’s what I notice from a distance. Closer, I see his piercing blue-green eyes, smiling along with his wide, goofy grin.

He turns at the sound of my quick footsteps. His smile is contagious, and I give him one of my own. He walks towards me, taking my hand when he gets close. Soon he’s leading me to our usual spot, commenting on my walking speed, for such a short little thing. I keep thinking about how I want to kiss him, how I want to kiss him so bad.

We get to a picnic table, and he sits at the edge. When I stand in front of him he pulls me closer, and through the dark I see him smile. I say something, but I don’t even know what. He’s smiling wide, laughing his very unique laugh. I love to watch him when he laughs. His mouth opens wide; he turns his head away and then back, letting out this loud bellow type laughter. It never ceases to make me smile.

I tune back into what he’s saying just in time to hear him remind me that he’s leaving later this morning. I don’t like the sound of that. He says he’ll only be gone a few days, and not to worry. But my mind eases at what he says next. But first, he kisses me softly, but quickly.

“Before I leave, I’m going to give you a kiss for every time I thought about you last night. And if I’m going to do that, then it’s going to take all morning.” That was when in my mind, I decided everything was going to be alright.





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