Friendship Woes

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It’s your birthday. You’re finally sixteen. I tease you about it, because I turned sixteen four months back. We laugh, and I hug you. I drop a kiss on your cheek and a gift in your palm. It’s natural for me- hugging you, holding you. Maybe it’s because you’ve been my best guy friend for so long. You joke about how you hope I haven’t bought you the same t- shirt you were wearing at the moment, like I had two years back. I smack your arm, and call you an idiot. We walk into the movie hall to watch a mushy romance, because we want to scream random stuff in the middle of the movie, annoying everyone else. I insist on paying, and you don’t protest, because I never pay for anything.
We buy popcorn and sit down. When the movie starts, you wrap your arm around my shoulder, and I automatically lean my head on your shoulder. When the movie reaches an extremely serious and important part, we jump up and start our war dance, throwing popcorn around at the same time. A few seconds later, we settle down and act like nothing had happened. About half an hour later, when I lift my head from your shoulder slightly, you lean down, and our lips brush accidentally. However, neither of us bothers to move our heads, and our kiss deepens. We continue making out for the rest of the movie, but when we get out, we act like nothing had happened.
A few days later, a guy I have been eying for a while asks me out. I say yes. When I tell you, you tell me he doesn’t deserve me. I tell you it’s a casual fling- I just need someone to fulfil my hormonal urges. You mutter, “Since I’m not enough,” but I just laugh it off and kiss your cheek. Then, I flounce off to join my boyfriend, who wraps his arm around my waist. I know you’re glaring daggers into our backs, but I ignore it.
When we first became friends, you started liking me. You had a major crush on me for over two years, and everyone knew even though you thought only your best friends did. When you stopped liking me, I realised I had liked you all along. I hid it for months, but some of my friends found out soon enough. When I found out you had broken up with your girlfriend because you still had feelings for me, I wasn’t as ecstatic as I thought I should have been. Everyone, including the two of us knew that we liked each other, but I still had doubts about any possible relationship between us.
Predictably, you asked me out, but I turned you down. You demanded an answer, and when I started talking. I forgot the speech I had thought of- for the first time in my life, I spoke from my heart. I told you that I didn’t want to be with you because I was afraid it would make things awkward between us. I didn’t want a serious relationship with anyone, and a casual relationship wouldn’t be possible with you, considering our closeness. I wanted to concentrate on my work, and didn’t want a guy I spoke to for hours everyday, forgetting everything else, just like many of my friends had done. You claimed to understand, and told everyone you were over me, even though you weren’t. We became better friends, and dated other people, albeit not for very long.
I don’t like you any more, even though I know you still do. I kiss you at times- some strictly non- platonic kisses, but never when either of us is in a relationship with someone else. You take care of my carnal desires very well, and even though I know it’s immoral and wrong, even though I know you hate me for using you like that, I can’t resist, and I know you can’t either. We don’t know what our relationship will be like in the future, and maybe that’s what makes it so very special.





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