What happens when you hit the bottom? Everyone says that once you hit the end, the only way to go is the other way around, back to the start. But once I hit rock bottom, that is where I was. There was no turning back. I knew what I was getting into, but I still did it. I knew that you would be the end of me, literally. Once you figured out that this is not what you wanted, you left, just like that, just like I thought you would. It’s been exactly one week, two days, and four hours since I last heard your voice, since I last saw those amazing killer eyes of yours. I knew I couldn’t do anything about it, except get involved, but I did. I couldn’t resist you and that thing that you did with your eyes. I knew you would leave me, when you realized I wasn’t what you wanted, you left without so much as a glance back. You didn’t care, you never did, and I knew that. It was like you were this force that made me like you and get involved with you even though I knew it wouldn’t last. You were trouble and I wanted to know what trouble was like, and what it felt like to live on the edge. After you left I was left wallowing in my own misery, but I had no one and nothing to be angry at except myself. I say “except” because in my life there are a so many exceptions that I make but just never notice it. Every day I wonder what made me fall for you. I know I say it was this force of some kind, but on some days, doubt invade my mind, and I just think. And some of it comes back to those exceptions. You were amazing, you can say almost perfect in most of all the aspects you can think of EXCEPT the fact that you didn’t care. You didn’t have any feelings about me or anyone as a matter of fact. I came up with a theory once, that it was probably your goal to break me, then leave me. You wanted me to risk it, and once I did your job was done. You wanted me so screwed up, that I didn’t know what was up, what was down, what was coming, and what was going. Once I so tied up in you, you just dropped me and didn’t even think to see if I was alright. Well I have something to tell you, if that was your intention you succeeded in that.
May 30, 2010