Loving Him (Chapter1)

May 7, 2010
By Caitlyn_ilovesoftball GOLD, Douds, Iowa
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball GOLD, Douds, Iowa
15 articles 9 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hello Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o," -friends
"Stop saying that!! My name ain't Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o!!" -Me
"Okay, fine, Hello Cat."-friends
(GRRRRR)
----Also----
"You a turtle on steroids!"-friends
"Hahaha, I know" -ME


Blurriness covered my eyes as I awoke to my annoying alarm clock. I looked at it and sighed in an irritated voice. It was another day; another day of pain, another day of bother, another day of loneliness, another, but yet new day and year of school. I was starting the ninth grade and I was disinclined to the idea of leaving the middle school I had grown fond of, compared to the huge high school that contained other students from schools within our district. This meant new kids, new teachers, and new problems to face. I really had no one to suffer through this with me because I had never grown close to any of the kids at my old school. I usually got along with everyone and had no problem with them, I just never fit in. Even though my parents urged me to go to plenty of games, I repeatedly said no. I knew they were worried, but I was not. I had no need to go, and I would never have any idea on whom to root for or sit by, and like any teen, nowhere near my parents.

I got up and went to my window, soon hearing my sister Stacey’s alarm going off and knowing she was in no worry to turn it off anytime soon. Outside was peaceful and quiet. I smelled the fresh dew once I opened my window a crack and heard the morning birds chirping. I smiled looking across the road seeing the cows mooing constantly to be fed and my dog, Banjo, at the edge of the driveway looking at them constantly as if he were afraid for them to run away into the beautiful, early sun. I soon again heard the alarm clock coming back from the background it had currently faded into, so I shut my window, and walked quietly to my sister’s room.

In there I saw her with one leg over a pillow, the other one hidden, and her arm hanging off her bed. I shut her alarm off and noticed she had not even flinched from the obnoxious noise it made to the complete silence. For a moment I thought of leaving her there and have her worry about getting to the bus in time for herself, but then I thought of her crying to mother and myself getting a lecture of a life time, again. With this in mind, I went to her and shook her crazily. She woke with a start and pretty much yelled at me, saying, “What the heck are you doing?” in annoyed tone.

“Wake up,” I told her, feeling no sorrow of ruining her ‘precious’ beauty sleep. I laughed to myself at the thought. She glowered at me and just sat there in her bed. I left to get to the shower first. This was important for we only had little heated water and if whomever got to it first, got to enjoy the wonderful pleasure of warmth. I walked quietly to my room, not to alarm her I was up to anything suspicious, and grabbed my new clothes we had bought for the school year and then I rushed to the bathroom. I knew it, I was there first and it was a good way to start the morning. I took about ten minutes until I knew I should save some for Stacey so I did not have to hear her complain a whole bunch.

Stacey was my little sister of eighth grade. She was the opposite of me. She was more into the ‘popular’ kind of things. Which meant she was popular in school and she seemed to be perfect, perfect with her straight black hair, and light green eyes which made her beautiful and well-known by the guys at school. She had probably had five boyfriends and currently was in a relationship with the jr. high football jock, Arc, who, I’m sure anyone can figure by the name, was no sharp-witted boy by any means. She also was awesome at sports and probably by her wonderful features, people expected her to become head cheerleader or something. But, of corse, like anyone else who was perfect, she ignored those ideas and instead, did more physical sports like volleyball, basketball, softball, swimming, and track, which all supported her sleek, normal skinny body. She was a role model compared to an ugly ogre like myself.

I was the more book girl and barely noticed at school. Unlike my sister, I had thick blonde hair and dark blue eyes. I had an abnormal skinny body and a disgraceful amount of weakness that came with it. I was delicate and I wished for everything to be like my tough sister. I had nothing to compare to my sister, except my acceptable good grades and the unusual love of watching football. I had never been in a relationship nor in love. I had never had that rush of excitement when I came near a person who stood out from the others around me as they explained in the many books I have read.

I also had an older brother, Adin, who was in the United States National Guard, but a few months ago, we were told he was killed in combat and that was a unbearable time for my family, and still is. He was my role model and he always told me I had great potential when I felt down on myself; I told him everything and he did the same. He told me before he left, he was going to propose to Rachel, his girlfriend for three years in high school, on the day of his departure. He did, and of course, she said, yes. I remembered her face as she stood by his tomb, looking down at his cold, hard face before he was buried into the old, family cemetery. She had cried for hours and hours before the ceremony, clinching to his dead hand. She told me that he had told her how he felt about me, which most of it I already knew, and how she felt about him. We both cried on the front steps of my porch and I knew that it was never going to be the same. I also remember when Rachel had first came over, and knowing that I was going to like her from what my brother told me about her. He was right, and she soon became a good friend, almost as close as my brother to me. I was so excited when they had planned to get married, but that went down the cold, rusty drain with the rest of my feelings and thoughts.

Anyway, once I had gotten out, I got dressed in our little bathroom, grabbed a brush, and headed out while seeing a blur passing me by and running in. I laughed and brushed my hair while heading to my room; it was about 6:30 at the time so I grabbed my stuff and went to the kitchen. I dropped all of it near the steps and walked casually to the fridge. Grabbing the milk, I saw a can of unopened pineapple. Just they way Adin did it, I thought. Before he would open his favorite fruit, he would first have it cooled for a while. It took me a moment to think why there was one there now and then I remembered that Stacey had emulated that gene. It was also a way to remember her only brother. I shook off the guilt I had for not being more like my brother as I wished I could have been.

I took the milk, grabbed the Honey Nut Cheerios, and mixed the two in a bowl. I finished that, put the dish into the sink, and looked at the time again. Only 6:45, I had about a half hour before I could even think about waiting for our bus so I went outside to the barn. I know I needed to feed Sugar and Hoppy, my rabbits. They were quite happy when they saw me walking toward them with their favorite treat of mixed crumpled lettuce and carrots with their morning grain. After I played and watched them eat, I headed to the horses. We had three, Holly, Lana, and Polk. They were Arabians and quite beautiful. Polk was a rusty red stallion with a white birthmark almost covering his whole ear. Lana was a pure white one mare and their new filly Holly, took her father’s resemblance without the white mark. They too, were quite happy to see me and the filly began to prance around their stall. I laughed aloud and the parents seemed to share the humor with me. I fed them and went back inside.

When I entered, I saw Stacey out and about eating out of the can of pineapple. She glared at me when I entered and I smiled my mischievous smile that would always drive her nuts. It was 7:00 and in about 15 minutes the yellow school bus would come by and pick us up, drop me off at the high school, then pick up some of the other middle school kids to take them to school across town. I, of course, had a swarm of fluttery butterflies twisting and turning inside my small stomach. My sister soon finished her delightful breakfast and joined in my worry fest.

“Your thinking,” she confronted me at the table where I was currently sitting near the window, “When you stare off into space, especially near a window, you like to think and usually over think.”

I smirked and looked at her, and like any other time, her eyes were shining with a curious tint, so I answered her truthfully, “I’m worried for starting high school.”

She shook her head as if she understood and asked, “How come?”

I smirked again and answered, “Everything. I don’t have any friends and I am not popular like a certain someone.”

At this, she turned a shade of red and stared at me softly like an older sister would do to comfort her younger one. I soon felt ashamed of myself for feeling the way I did. I was selfish, but I knew I had nothing to get me far in life as she did. “I’m not that popular am I? Isn’t popular confirmed with snottiness and rudeness? Am I that bad?” she asked in awareness.

I chuckled, “No, not snotty or rude, just perfect. The way you look, act, live and just,” I paused for a moment, “the way you are... Also you have Arc.”

“Oh,” she sighed noticing the disappointment in my features and voice, “I see.”

“Yeah,” I agreed and then looked out the window and saw the dust coming from the roads out ahead. Suddenly aware, I looked at the time and mumbled a cuss word under my breath then said, “Bus.” in a rushed voice. Stacey jumped, went to where she had put her stuff, ran out the door, and I followed her. We ran down our, too long driveway, and stopped where we were supposed to be picked up. My sister smiled to see we had a few minutes, turned to me, and said, “Carla, just wait, you’ll fined him soon. I promise.”

Before I could reply, a yellow bus with the number 7 on it stopped in front of us. We went around to the right side to the door and strode on. I saw many faces I recognized, then others around the same age who I had no clue. I picked an empty seat near a girl in red locks and a white bow in her hair. She seemed just as nervous as I and we were at first uncomfortable. My sister who had a seat with one of her many friends, caught my eye, and urge me with her eyes to say something. So I did, “Hello, my name is Carla.”

She stared at me for a minute and I notice her eyes were a light blue. She had a faint tint of freckles on her nose and she, like my sister, was fairly fit. She stuttered for a moment then said, “Hi, I’m Nancy. How are you?” she asked in an awkward tone.

“I’m good,” I answered in a casual voice then asked, “What grade are you in?”

“Starting the ninth, what about you?” She asked. I answered her that I was in the same grade and we questioned each other until we made it where we soon got off the bus. Once we did, I did not even look around the campus before me, and instead, we walked right into where they were giving out the new schedules to all the students. It took us a few minutes until I saw a huge, higher grade student was behind Nancy, looking down at the two of us. She soon noticed I was not listening and followed my gaze to the person. He was standing over us and was looking ahead. He was a bigger boy, probably a linebacker or something on the football team, with broad arms and they were very muscular. His face showed toughness, yet, surprisingly reminded me of a big teddy bear. He soon saw us and smiled a huge grin. His teeth were white, yet they were a bit crooked on the bottom. We turned around quickly and followed what we now were aware of, curvy line to the office that held our schedules. I soon had butterflies flutter in me again and a chill rolled down my spine.

I looked at Nancy and saw she, too, had a worry look on her face and now that I knew her, I hoped I had plenty of my classes with her. Since I had no other friends really, she seemed to be the closet thing I got.

After about five minutes of waiting impatiently, we were able to enter the office and grab our little maps and schedules and we lightly walked into the crowded halls. We were able to find a vacant corner near the bathrooms and opened our schedules together. We had eight periods of 45 minutes each, but sadly, Nancy and I had one period that was 5th hour English and Literature and then we shared the same lunch time. We were both bummed at the fact of having pretty much seven periods without each other.

Looking at the time, we bid farewell to our first hour class. I had Spanish which I hoped would be a breeze. I knew the main words like Buenos días, Cómo se llama usted, Que le vaya bien and a few more. My mother taught me the basics because when she was in Mexico for a story for her newspaper, she needed to learn most of the words, and me being her oldest daughter, I got to help. This was one of the reasons I took the class and I hoped it would be fun.

It was about 8:15 and in ten minutes class would start. I strolled through the halls trying to find room 113. I was a little lost at first, unsure of which numbers were where, but then I was relieved that when I did find it, it was near the P.E room, which was my next class. When I entered the room, it had a different atmosphere. It felt more cheerful and free compared to what I had been feeling that morning. I looked around and saw the walls were colored by many, many colors, mostly yellows, oranges, reds, and purples. It was very festive and cheerful. I looked around the classroom only recognizing about one-fourth of the kids. The others I did not know and I could see how almost all of them were as nervous as I. I found an empty seat in the back near a boy I did not know. He had spiky, blonde hair, dark brown eyes, and a fairly fit, skinny body. He looked at me with his dark, curios eyes and then stared away. It seemed he did not know what to say and was quite nervous, so I thought, why not make myself more embarrassed and talk. So I did.

“Hello,” I stuttered as he looked at me, “My name is Carla.”

He had a light complexion which brought out his dark brown eyes which made myself, surprisingly thrilled. He looked me over then answered with a bright smile, “Hi, my name is Kevin. What school are you originally from?”

“West Rockets Middle School. What about you?” I answered while holding my jitteriness back.

He seemed to lighten up and be more relaxed and answered, “Northwest MainTown School. I actually should have been with the Rockets but my dad went to school there instead. ”

“Really?,” I asked, “That’s where my mother is from. What class was he in?”

“Class of ’90.” He answered with a questioned glisten in his eyes.

“Wow, my mom was class of ’91,” I said thinking we had something almost ‘cool’ in common.

“Weird, so...” He said trying to sound casual, “What was your middle school like? Friends, boyfriends, sports?”

“Umm, well, I haven’t had a boyfriend yet,” dang, don’t I sound pathetic, “No good friends really, and I don’t do much sports. I’m kind of a loner.”

“Same here, I never dated a girl, or guy, and don’t plan on dating the last one, I have one best friend, Cooger, a jockey, and the sports I play are baseball, basketball, and football. Oh, and I will be doing track”

“I love football!” I exclaimed a little bit too loud. He started to laugh, which, by the way, could bring any girl to her knees. Sadly, before he could answer, the bell rang and the teacher, which I did not realized before was sitting at her desk, stood up in inched black heels and her skirt flowed lightly with her. Her stride was elegant, yet formal and her face was high cheeked and her hair was a blazing, bright red hair that bounced up and down everywhere.

“Hello Class, my name is Ms. Helm, and as you can see, I am teaching Spanish.” The class went on like this and most of the guys were gawking at her appearance, which I thought was incredibly hilarious. With that, the class soon ended and the day continued. I had Kevin in most of my classes except my 2nd and 4th hour classes. I was quite excited to know that we continued to talk and with each other and I even got to meet his friend, Cooger, and his girl, Shyanne, who seemed to be very nice and fun. Starting high school did not seem so bad, or as I thought at this time.


The author's comments:
This is of corse not true, it is coming from a chapter book I'm starting to write and it is going to be about Carla and her highschool life with guys and friends. Also, difficult choices and deadly coincidences come galloping in her life, taking the things she love, the people she worship. This first chapter is only the beginning of a book, I, as a teen, would love to start and improve.

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This article has 48 comments.


on May. 31 2011 at 1:14 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

I like this so far, although I think you could definitely brush it up a little. First of all, maybe keep the character's personality consistent with her actions. Also, it would flow a lot better if you fixed some of the wording. For example, this sentence kind of stood out to me: "This was important for we only had little heated water and if whomever got to it first, got to enjoy the wonderful pleasure of warmth." That, among some other examples, need a little changing so that reading this isn't so awkward. 

 

I don't really have a lot of ideas for a second chapter, but I will tell you not to make it cliche. There needs to be something--a twist--that makes it different from all those other stories. It makes it more interesting to read. However, I like this as a start. Good job :)


AshTree SILVER said...
on May. 30 2011 at 12:20 pm
AshTree SILVER, Clarksville, Tennessee
7 articles 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Live your art" -made this one up myself. Simple, but true.

Ok. I think this could turn out well if you flesh out the characters and make sure to stay true to them. If you don't make them unique, the story will fall flat.

THE START DID NOT HOOK ME IN! If I hadn't seen you in the forums earlier, I would have rated this a three star and left the page. I HATE how many stories start with the morning routine of the character. Throw her into some action. Then maybe have her look back on it if you really want to include that part.

 

In the start it felt... like you were trying too hard to use 'big' words. Then as it progressed... you didn't seem to try any more. It wasn't flowing well and the sentences drug on like a rambling child.

 

You use "and" waaaayyy too much. Try to break up some sentences and vary them more.

 

Your descriptions come in at odd times and are kind of lengthy. Describe a person just introduced quickly in one to two sentences. Then as they have dialouge, slyly fit in some more description.

 

There were a lot of grammar mistakes. I'd say above average amount.

 

This does have potential. I think if you rewrite this a couple times, you'll notice those mistakes.

 

And remember that everything I said was to help you improve. I belive your good at writing but need to work on this a little more.

(:


Chels123 said...
on May. 30 2011 at 10:42 am
VERY nice, only a few grammar errors, otherwise love it all!

on Dec. 24 2010 at 1:35 pm
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball GOLD, Douds, Iowa
15 articles 9 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hello Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o," -friends
"Stop saying that!! My name ain't Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o!!" -Me
"Okay, fine, Hello Cat."-friends
(GRRRRR)
----Also----
"You a turtle on steroids!"-friends
"Hahaha, I know" -ME

Thanks! =)

on Sep. 14 2010 at 4:29 pm
justsmile164 BRONZE, New York, New York
4 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Talent is nothing without character."

i like this a lot! the protagonist is honest & the guy (Kevin) seems realistic-ly guy-ish. lol

an idea for ch. 2 ... it seems that kevin was hesitant and nervous when talking to carla - maybe he has a deep-dark-plot-twisting secret? :)


on Sep. 13 2010 at 8:05 pm
SecretNonConformist SILVER, Marblehead, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 195 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of
evil is for good men to do nothing."
-Edmund Burke

"Bless the children, give them triumph, now!"
Aeschylus, The Libation Bearers

I liked the plot and characters of this story very much. You really drew me into their emotions and lives. Keep that up!

There were a few spelling mistakes but those could be corrected. Also, the story could be a little shorter and more too the point. Your characters are great and I want to see more of them, not extra words. The end was a little rushed but still, I want to read chapter two! I want to find out more about your characters whom I came to love!


AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 13 2010 at 7:05 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

The good:  This was great!  It was real, fun, funny, and a good read.  I loved it!

The bad: The action was a little... hmm i don't really know what it was, it felt rushed and drawn out at the same time.  So maybe choose better details?  I really don't know! lol  

The random:  Well, you wanted advise on chapter two, and though it is extremely awkward due to the similarities between her life and mine, I will do it for you. :)  Erm... just go through her life, develop the relationships, make everything seem hunky-dory, then, later in the book, turn the perfect world you created upside down.  I don't know how, but you could go good or bad.  Good ideas: Asked out by the skinny jock, makes a lot of friends, class president.  Bad ideas: Something happens to the skinny jock or her friend or her sister, cat fight, expulsion. Hope this helped!


on Sep. 13 2010 at 5:26 pm
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball GOLD, Douds, Iowa
15 articles 9 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hello Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o," -friends
"Stop saying that!! My name ain't Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o!!" -Me
"Okay, fine, Hello Cat."-friends
(GRRRRR)
----Also----
"You a turtle on steroids!"-friends
"Hahaha, I know" -ME

Hey People and Friends!

 

I need some help on chapter 2!

ANY IDEAS???

 

hahaha thanks!!!

Caitlyn


on Sep. 13 2010 at 5:25 pm
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball GOLD, Douds, Iowa
15 articles 9 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hello Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o," -friends
"Stop saying that!! My name ain't Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o!!" -Me
"Okay, fine, Hello Cat."-friends
(GRRRRR)
----Also----
"You a turtle on steroids!"-friends
"Hahaha, I know" -ME

Haha I do too!

on Sep. 13 2010 at 5:24 pm
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball GOLD, Douds, Iowa
15 articles 9 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hello Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o," -friends
"Stop saying that!! My name ain't Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o!!" -Me
"Okay, fine, Hello Cat."-friends
(GRRRRR)
----Also----
"You a turtle on steroids!"-friends
"Hahaha, I know" -ME

Thank You!

on Sep. 13 2010 at 5:24 pm
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball GOLD, Douds, Iowa
15 articles 9 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hello Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o," -friends
"Stop saying that!! My name ain't Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o!!" -Me
"Okay, fine, Hello Cat."-friends
(GRRRRR)
----Also----
"You a turtle on steroids!"-friends
"Hahaha, I know" -ME

Thanks! =)

on Sep. 13 2010 at 5:23 pm
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball GOLD, Douds, Iowa
15 articles 9 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hello Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o," -friends
"Stop saying that!! My name ain't Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o!!" -Me
"Okay, fine, Hello Cat."-friends
(GRRRRR)
----Also----
"You a turtle on steroids!"-friends
"Hahaha, I know" -ME

Well shoot, lol, myself and everyone I know have read this many times and not notice that bit of a problem.  I will fix the ages of the parents in my new fix book. Thankyou so much for pointing that out!

on Sep. 12 2010 at 3:54 pm
Aredhel PLATINUM, Lynnwood, Washington
29 articles 0 photos 13 comments
This story pulled me in. You have a good voice for your character.

on Sep. 11 2010 at 8:26 pm
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 158 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

i like this, and i think it has a lot of potential. I would agree and say that you do need to keep your character a little more consistent, because i'm pretty outgoing and i can barely say hi to people i don't know as well. i noticed that you say "Much" a lot, when the word many would be more appropriate. and i'm not sure if you intended for the school the mom and dad attended to be a middle school or a middle and high school, but most kids really don't have any idea when their parents completed middle school, and if the parents finished 8th grade in the early 90s, then they would have only been 15/16 when the kids were born, and especially since carla had an older brother. my parents graduated high school in the 80s. and nobody really pays that much attention to what middle school "class" they "graduated" you don't really graduate anyway. Also, i'm not sure that nancy is an appropriate name for a modern day story. when i choose the names of my characters i pick an age for them and look up popular names for the year they would have been born. Also, i think you might really have something going with the relationship she had with rachel. that part and the part about her brother touched me the most. Check out my work please:))

on Jul. 24 2010 at 9:23 pm
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball GOLD, Douds, Iowa
15 articles 9 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hello Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o," -friends
"Stop saying that!! My name ain't Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o!!" -Me
"Okay, fine, Hello Cat."-friends
(GRRRRR)
----Also----
"You a turtle on steroids!"-friends
"Hahaha, I know" -ME

Thanks for your critisim.  The only I have to say is, pretty much all love teen stories anymore have the girl or guy gawking at someone else while the other one is secretly in love.  Late on in this story once i finish chapter 2, there will be much problems between most of the characters, well actually, just the main 2.  I really dont want to give the rest out, but a clue, Kevin may die later on, leaving her in mourning.  But not till later on, but a new character will be mixed, soon creating a love triangle. Who knows, not even me to exact, but i do know, this is how i want to use my story, yes i know i have much grammer errors.  But thats common, i've had my teacher, mother, and myself proofread this.  But this is teenink, nothing is forever, these are just the beginning points.  lol

Also, with that line, I did have troubles with, and it did confuse myself. I know this doesn't sound like a good writer, but im trying to be honest.  Thanks for the suggestion!!!

 

Thanks alot, you really helped and I take in your words seriously and will try to improve my work, with all these words and comments.

 

=)


deka9 said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 1:11 am

You've done well with descriptions and imagery, but I find myself caught in loopholes. There are just so many many unnecessary words here.

"With this in mind, I went to her and shook her crazily. She woke with a start and pretty much yelled at me, saying, 'What the heck are you doing?' in annoyed tone." >>>

"With this in mind, I shook her crazily. She jumped and yelled at me, 'What the heck are you doing?'"~I think this conveys the same meaning with less words. Honestly, you absolutely do not need "in annoyed tone" because no one would yell sweetly after being disturbed from a good night sleep :) 

Be careful to keep your character consistent. Carla is supposed to be a loner but made at least two friends on her first day of high school? I don't know. I thought she sounded like she didn't care to have any close friends since she just got along with everyone. I also think "never fit in" contradicts with "got along with everyone".

I would be lying to say that I love this. The storyline is so cliche--a misfit girl secretly fallen in love for a cute boy. I think she would fall in love with a football player while Kevin is having a huge crush on her, but he would help her with her crush anyway. Am I right? Very high school, hahaha. But there are rooms for you to make it your own. Prove me wrong :)

P.S. There are quite several typos here and there, and don't write things to distract the readers that do not add to your story :)


on Jul. 7 2010 at 4:33 pm
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball GOLD, Douds, Iowa
15 articles 9 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hello Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o," -friends
"Stop saying that!! My name ain't Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o!!" -Me
"Okay, fine, Hello Cat."-friends
(GRRRRR)
----Also----
"You a turtle on steroids!"-friends
"Hahaha, I know" -ME

THANKS JESSIE!!!

Jessens SILVER said...
on Jul. 7 2010 at 4:13 pm
Jessens SILVER, Keosauqua, Iowa
8 articles 1 photo 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
The saying forgive and forget is only partially correct. Yes, you can forgive, but you can never forget..
-------------
"Nut Ug!" -Felix
"What the heck is Nut Ug!" -Me
"I have no idea, but it's hilarious!" -Felix
Both of us laughing soo hard!

love it! It was very good, can't wait for Chapter 2 (:

on Jul. 7 2010 at 4:08 pm
Caitlyn_ilovesoftball GOLD, Douds, Iowa
15 articles 9 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hello Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o," -friends
"Stop saying that!! My name ain't Cat-i-lynn Mill-ard-o!!" -Me
"Okay, fine, Hello Cat."-friends
(GRRRRR)
----Also----
"You a turtle on steroids!"-friends
"Hahaha, I know" -ME

will doo!!!

on Jul. 6 2010 at 9:28 am
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1985 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper

Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

hey there:DD the story line in this one was pretty interesting!! i liked it. u gotta tell me wen the next part is up:)))


SciArc

MacMillan Books

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