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I Loved You Seven
“You were once the light of my world. The colour. The beauty. The love. I always looked around the room for you, even when I knew you weren’t there, to see if you were laughing at the same thing I was. Your laugh, was the sunshine in my world.
I loved you seven times. Your long hair, when it streamed in the wind and shone in the sun. Your warm eyes, watching them light up as they fell on me. Your voice, yelling or speaking softly. Even when you sang, which we both know you can’t. Your care for your little sister and brother, no matter how much trouble they were, because they had only you. Your personality. Enough said. Your tendency to never remain mad with anyone for long, including me. Your face, so pretty, so much love. So much happiness amidst the pain.
I loved you six times. The way you could talk about your painful memories with me alone. The way you looked at me and a smile spread across your face. The way you could possibly be happy to see me. The way you weren’t girly all the time. The way you looked when you tried. The way you loved me. I could feel it was true.
I loved you five times. The time we sat in the tree and almost fell out. The time we saw the concert in the park. The time we ate that rainbow coloured ice cream. The time we took a trip to New York City. You loved calling it the “Big Apple”. The time we watched the sunset, on the rooftop, and I realized I could never be the same if you weren’t around.
I loved you four times. You were the best at video games, not caring that it bothered me at first. You were the best at making chocolate chip cookies, if nothing else. You were the best at talking your way out of anything, and you rarely got nervous. I could never tell for certain. You were the best at bringing me out of my quiet, secluded self. You always knew what to say.
I loved you three times. You were the worst at lying to me. The truth you could never keep in. You were the worst at paying attention when I was around. I could see I was a distraction. You were the worst at seeing truths you didn’t want to see. You tried not to see what was impending, but you were forever optimistic.
I loved you two times. The way you said “I love you” at the time you were in most distress. It was practically ripped out of you. The way you cried that time, you know the one, and they all thought you would never be the same. I never wanted to do that, or let you go, but I want you to know it was always as hard for me as it was for you. I hid it so you would not feel worse.
I loved you once. Your laughter brought the sun to my world, the colour to my grey, and the light to my dark. The most wonderful sound in the world, to heck with what anyone else thought. If I could only hear one thing for the rest of my life, it would be that. Your laughter.
I love you.
I swear it will never change. Together or apart, my emotions toward you will perpetually remain the same.
You are my first love. My only love. I broke the promise I made you that I would never leave you. You feel alone now, but you aren’t. Keep the memories close, love, and someday we will see each other again. Don’t forget. Remember me.
Because I know I will never forget you.”
The words had not been spoken. They didn’t have to be. It would have hurt even more to hear it in your voice. The pain, spread like poison throughout my body. An toxicant I will never be able to rid my soul of. You pained me so much that if I were to look at you, I wouldn’t e able to stand it. You’d leave again, I know you would.
That was a year ago. The only memory I could think of whenever I heard your name, quite common, or anything similar. My heart still beats for you. But there is nothing I can do. You are still gone.
I was forced to look up when a shadow passed over the window in my living room. I looked up, seeing a dark silhouette. Someone was out there. I went outside, carelessly, still clutching the tear stained letter in my hand. I knew I looked terrible, but nothing like that mattered anymore. The figure turned around.
“Blue?” a familiar voice asked.
I was dumbfounded to hear your voice. I had thought you were never coming back. On instinct, I ran to you, jumping into your arms. Only you called me Blue. Only you could cause me to have such a spontaneous reaction. When I tried to speak, nothing would come out, and you started to speak.
“Look, Blue, I finished what I set out to do. If you want me, I’m here. I understand if you don’t. But I love you. And I always will.”
My laugh came out as a cough, through my ragged sobs. You never said much, I couldn’t remember when you had last said so much at once.
“Of course I love you. Don’t leave me. You promised once. Remember?” I managed to say, looking into your dark eyes.
“Yes.” you said, and I waited for more. I didn’t have to wait long. “My little Blue Jay, I love you forever and eternity, and I’d love if you decided to come fly away with me to a new life, where we can be safe and forget the bad things and stay together. It’s finally over and we have this chance. At life.”
“No.” I said, and instantly laughed. “No, we don’t have a chance, we ave a certainty.”
He grinned, the same lopsided one as before, and I knew that things would be better. The sun was only brighter when we were together.