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Bald & Beautiful
I walked into my classroom, scared as hell, like always. I did NOT wannabe here . . . I really didn’t. I was a 14 year old girl . . . but knew and saw more things then a 60 year old woman. I saw everything different then my peers. Maybe because I was abused? Maybe because I was neglected? Maybe because I had to call child services on my own father at 10? Maybe because I watched my own mother die? Maybe because I knew who killed her? Maybe because I could die at any second thanks to my stage 4 lung cancer? Or maybe because nobody would care if I died?
But mainly it was because I was me and no one cared.
I sat in my seat and ran my hand over my stubby head. I looked up so my tears would change directions.
“Hey Cue Ball!” screamed Josh Harrisburg. When I didn’t look up he started throwing wads of paper crayons, glue sticks, everything and anything he could find at my bald head. . .
Finally he gave up . . . kinda . . . instead of throwing things at my head he wrote notes and had everyone sign them . . . which metaphorically killed me. One of the notes said no one would care if cancer killed your ugly a**! And had everyone names signed on it. It made me wanna die.
That night Josh and a bunch of people called my house and left a voicemail that said “No one and I mean no one would care if that cancer you have killed your pathetic ugly ass face!” my caretaker Liz held me for hours as I cried. She did the same the next night when someone wrote in shaving cream on our sidewalk ‘Go to Hell Cue Ball’
“Why?” I wept. “Why do they hate me?”
“I don’t know baby girl. . .” Liz whispered.
“I don’t care once I die they’ll be happy,”
“I won’t . . .” Liz confessed.
I looked at the 50 year old woman. And cried harder.
Two days later those jerks got what they wanted. . . I had slipped away into the dark. Where no one could throw stuff at me.
I stayed on earth though. Wandering around the halls the day after my death. Josh and everyone that made fun of were. . . . Crying? “I didn’t really mean it!” Josh wept. “I actually had a crush on her. . .”
My ghost had stared at Josh. . . . Wondering why he was so vicious. If he liked me why not be nice? Maybe just maybe I would have lived just a bit longer if he had.
On the day on my funeral Josh showed up. He spoken in front of everyone he said: “Bella . . . she was a good person . . . I’m sorry I didn’t . . . I’m sorry. . . I’m sorry I wasn’t nice. . . Bella I’m sorry . . . for the things I’ve done. . . I love you Bella.” My body was dressed in a poofy blue dress and I had a long blonde curly hair that looked like my hair before kemo.
In Heaven everyone loved me. Everyone. And when Josh passed on he smiled at me and said “Cu- Bella! You have hair!”
I said: “Yup and thank you for what you said at my funeral,”
He said: “No thank you. You taught me to be loving, Thank you.”