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Besides Alex

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“Hear me speak.” Her eyes, flooded in tears, looking up. “You say you listen to me, but you never do.”

“Honey, I’m listening.” Spoke the older woman, with a calm and soothing, yet worried voice.

“No, you aren’t mother.” She spoke silently, almost as if to herself.
Her mother reached out to touch her, she took a step back. She looked up at her as the older woman stood still, in a daze.
“Honey…”
The girl did not answer. She simply turned and walked out of the kitchen. She walked up the stairs, into her room, slamming the door. Downstairs, her mother squinted as the door slammed against its frame. She sat down at the kitchen table, face in hands and shed a tear.
Upstairs, the young girl, lying face down on her bed, shed tears into a pillow. She wiped her light brown curls away from her tear-wet face, tears running down her cheek just as water flows down a creek. She curled herself into the fetal position on her bed, lying with her back to the wall and the window behind her. She gripped her legs close to her body, slowly dozing off to sleep.
“Oh Sidney, what am I going to do with you?” The older woman asked herself, a hand entwining fingers with hair. Taking a deep breath, sighing, she stood.
Sidney was awoken by such a racket. Her shot open as if she had just heard a gun go off. Her mother had thrown a plate to the ground, in distress, causing it to shatter as it hit. She stood from the comfort of her fetal position and silently went down to the kitchen. Her mother looked at her as she appeared in the door way.
“What’d you do?” Sidney asked, looking at the broken plate.
“I dropped it.” Her body shook slightly.
“No you didn’t.” Sidney looked at her mother. Her mother made eye contact.
“Yes I did Sidney. I don’t like the way you are acting.”
“Oh, you mean the way I’m supposed to be acting?”

“Sidney…”
“No mom. Just because you don’t care doesn’t mean I shouldn’t?”
“I don’t care? I don’t care?!” Her mother’s voice slowly started forming into a shout.
“No mom. You don’t.” Sidney calmly responded.
“You think I don’t care that he died?!” She shouted at Sidney, waving her arm in the air.
“He didn’t die! You drove to suicide! It’s your fault and you don’t even care!” Sidney shouted.
“I didn’t do anything! And I do care that your brother died!” Her mother’s voice increased above her own.
“No mom! I know you don’t care! You never cared about him! You hated him!” Sidney started shouting, waving her hand in the air, letting her mother know that she wasn’t going to back down from the argument.
“Because he tried to be the parent, as if it was his job!” Her mother rushed to her, standing right in front her.
“He did a better job than you! While you were out drinking with your friends, he was here at home, taking care of me!” Sidney yelled up at her mom, inches away from her face.
Sidney’s mother raised her hand, quickly swinging it back down.

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that!” Her mother said sternly, no longer yelling.

Sidney touched her hand to her face.

“I hate you.” She said angrily, but silently.

Her mother had nothing to say.

With tears running down her cheek, Sidney ran out the door. She got into her car and drove away, fast. Tears started filling her eyes, making her vision blurry. She drove down four blocks and took a left on Oakland Avenue. She made a right turn into the drive way of the third house on the right and slammed her car door. She ran into the open house and up the stairs. A little boy was out in the hallway, playing with LEGOs.
“Hiya Sid…” He smiled.
“Not now Kameron.” She brushed him off, walking past him. The little boy looked puzzled but continued playing. She opened the door of the second room on the left.

“Sidney? Are you okay?” A boy stood from his desk as Sidney rushed in and took his place in front of Sidney. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked at her tear-filled eyes. Sidney didn’t say anything, just let out more tears. He put his arms around her and held her tight. Sidney poured tears, not being able to speak. “Everything is going to be okay.” He assured her.

“I hate her Trey. I hate her. She doesn’t even care!” She managed to say through the crying.

“I know. I know. Don’t worry, I’m here.” He calmed her.

She pushed away from Trey and sat on his bed.

“I just want her to love him. Even if he is gone.”

Trey followed her and sat down next to her, putting an arm around her, giving her support.

“Sid, you have to realize she may never.”

“But why?” She asked, wiping away a tear with her sleeve.

“Your mother…well, I hate to say it, but, she isn’t a good mother.” Sidney looked Trey in the eyes. “It’s true.”

“I know.” She whispered.
“She doesn’t deserve to have a daughter like you. And she drove Alex to commit suicide. She isn’t any good for you.”
“I just want her to love me like she used to.” Sidney responded quietly.
Trey pulled her closer, her head on his shoulder. He kissed her head.
“I know you do. I’m sorry.”

Sidney wrapped her arms around the boys’ waist.
“Do me a favor?” She asked, not looking up
“Yeah. Anything.”
“Just promise me, you’ll always be here for me.” She proposed.
“I promise.” Trey reassured her.
“Thank you.”
“I’ll be here because I love you.” He said.
For the first time, he told her he loved her. That was all Sidney needed. She looked up at him, a smile forming in the corner of her mouth. Finally, someone loves her like her brother used to. Someone besides Alex loves her.
“I love you too.” She smiled.



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