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The Door (Revised)

“Tina, door!”
“Mom, I’m upstairs. Can you please get it?”
“Tina, get the door!”
“Please, Mom?”
“Tina, there’s someone at the door for you!”
“Fine, I’m coming!”
“You know what, fine. If you really don’t want to answer the door, then I will answer the door.”
“Mom, I said I would get it, just give me a sec!”
“Then hurry, Tina. It’s impolite to keep other people waiting.”
“Mom, I’m coming! And unless you want me answering the door in just a huge T-shirt, it’ll be a minute.”
“Just put on some sweat pants and come downstairs. And why are you just wearing a T-shirt?”
“Because it is a weekend, and so I am still in my pajamas. Have you seen my grey sweat pants?”
“No. And since when do you sleep in just a T-shirt? Didn’t we get you new pajamas last Christmas?”
“Yes you did, only they are flannel and it is June. I am not sleeping in flannel pajamas in June.”
“Tina, are you going to answer the door or not?”
“Yes Mom, I am going to answer the door.”
“Hurry, please.”
“I’m hurrying, Mom! Hear this? This is me coming down the stairs… and this is me unlocking the door, andOhMyGodthatisAaronJefferson. Aaron Jefferson is standing outside my door and I am wearing sweatpants. God, I am going to die. I’m going to die, wearing sweatpants. Someone please kill me now.”
“Oh, honey, aren’t you overreact—oh, he is cute!…...Uh, sweetie? That’s not exactly what I meant when I said sweat pants. I think there’s a hole right…”
“Yes Mom. I know.”
“Oh... So… Do you want me to get the door?”




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This article has 15 comments. Post your own!

roxymutt said...
Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:46 pm:
this is soooooo cute i like that its all dialouge and no action it puts a unique spin on things i really like it!!! :D please write more to it if you can but try to keep the same styple its hard but i know you can do it and do it well
 
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...Hopeless... said...
May 18, 2010 at 4:32 am:
Haha this is really cute, the humor is awesome.  I actually like it the way it is, expanding it might not be a bad idea.  Good Job!
 
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SandyC said...
May 2, 2010 at 2:26 pm:
i LUV this...so cute and funny..."i think there's a hole right...'yes mom i know'" made me laugh....great work:)...i was wondering if yu'd mind reading/commenting on my article? thx:)
 
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redsoxandsunshine said...
Apr. 22, 2010 at 10:03 pm:
"I'm hurrying. Mom! Hear this? This is me coming down the stairs..." This line made me laugh out loud. The story is short, sweet, and funny. I wonder if you could review some of my stuff?
 
goddess_of_the_moon_123 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 23, 2010 at 4:17 pm :
Absolutely! Although, I think I've tried to look for your stuff before and the website kinda spazzed on me. I'll try again though! And thanks for commenting!
 
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burningembersThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 12, 2010 at 7:37 pm:
I loved that!!  Your writing flows so well and the humor was perfectly placed : )
 
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Lover*that*HatesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 31, 2010 at 7:39 am:
I really liked this story, very entertaining and funny. It sorta remained me of Gilmore Girls. The characters are different but the humorous element seemed very simular to Gilmore! Its great, you should write more!
 
goddess_of_the_moon_123 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 13, 2010 at 9:44 pm :
That's really funny, because I absolutely love Gilmore Girls! I didn't notice it before, but I guess the repartee between the daughter and mother in this piece does have that feel. Thanks for pointing that out! :)
 
Lover*that*HatesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 14, 2010 at 3:54 pm :
I LOVE Gilmore Girls too! lol
 
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MetalChickRock said...
Mar. 13, 2010 at 12:23 am:
lol nice one! except one thing though, who is Aaron Jefferson?
 
goddess_of_the_moon_123 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 23, 2010 at 4:20 pm :
Random-character-insert-cute-guy-name-here. Just needed a realistic name for an arbitrary minor character :P
 
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A_Dreamer said...
Mar. 11, 2010 at 5:20 pm:
I think it is very good so far, you should DEFINITELY add more. :)
 
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MayaElyashiv This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 2, 2010 at 10:41 am:
Funny! I agree that this flows better, but only in some parts (I think). Although it's better overall, I think some of the daughter's character is lost in this version.
Keep writing! :)
 
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xtwilightx95 said...
Feb. 21, 2010 at 4:09 pm:
This is really good!!! It flows better than the first one and I would love to her anotyher part or another story like this from you.
 
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Laughternchoclate said...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 11:00 am:
I LOVED THIS! The one word thing??? i DO THAT ALL THE TIME! omg i luv luv luv this.... cud you write the next part???!!!
 
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