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Alice in a Not so Wonderland

Alice. That’s what they named me when I was first born. That’s the name I’ve always had to live with. Of course the people I should be calling mom and dad, the people who gave me that name, left me at the hospital the day I was born. Yes, you heard correctly. They simply left me on my own to deal with a life that I in no way had bargained for.

When I was about five I saw “Alice in Wonderland” for the very first time, I can remember that day so clearly it’s as if it was yesterday. It was a sunny Friday afternoon, and I was all set to be adopted to a wonderful family. So I was sitting in the adoption room waiting for them in my brand new blue dress, and the social worker came into the room and popped in the VHS for me to watch as I waited.

I think that it was at this time that my life completely and utterly changed. Point A: That wonderful family that was supposed to adopt me? They never showed up. Turns out they just wanted me to sell on the market to get some money. That was when I realized that no one would ever want me. And point B: What I wanted more then anything in the whole world was to escape into my own type of Wonderland. A place where I could have no cares and no worries and where I may eventually find someone to love me, because it certainly wasn’t happening at the orphanage in Chicago.

As I grew older these truths became more and more proclaimed in my life, and I even created a Wonderland for myself. It resided solely in my purple notebook, but that didn’t matter to me. My Wonderland consisted of puppies, warm chocolate cake drizzled in caramel, and anything of sweet essence. My life their was filled with happy moments in loved ones arms, and getting adopted into a family that would let me into their arms on nights that were too hard to bear. And of course, every time that I journeyed into this beautiful world, I would follow a white rabbit. But this was an ordinary rabbit, one that became my beloved pet in my beloved imaginary world.

As I turned into my teenage years, I was shipped to an all girls boarding school somewhere back East. I’m not exactly sure where, as I try to block out all painful memories of that period of time. The only joys I found were in my escaped moments to my Wonderland. And what’s a teenage girl’s Wonderland without a prince Charming? Absolutely nothing. So soon I had the perfect guy created into my world, he was so perfect. A guy that I could run to and tell all my problems.

“Alice! Get your head out of the clouds and stop daydreaming!” I was told this by several of my tutors, and yet I never listened. I would have positively given up without these dreams of a better life. So for better or for worse I kept dreaming my way through boarding school. Somehow I passed my classes, and they decided to put me into a “home.” It was in no way my idea of a home. Sure I was fed three times a day and I was forced to call two creatures mother and father, but there was no love or compassion the way I believed a home should have. But still, it was still better then nothing, and not all of my memories there were sour.

My first kiss. I was seventeen and living in that place I had to call home, and I met this boy. He was one year older then I and fit perfectly the outline I had given him in my Wonderland. But that kiss was much better then my world had ever offered. Words cannot even begin to describe the joy and wonder I felt that night. It was a warm spring night, and he told me to meet him at an hour to midnight. So I snuck out of the house and ran to meet him at the park, my heart was racing and I was a mixture of excitement and nervousness. We talked for about half an hour, then it started to rain. I told him I needed to go home, but I didn’t want to leave. He slowly leaned in and, caressing me gently, he kissed me, in the rain. It was a perfect fairytale moment of bliss and joy that for the rest of my life I will never forget. And for a moment, I even felt like Alice in Wonderland, I was even wearing a blue dress. But then he told me he had enlisted into the Navy and was leaving to start his training the next day. I was torn up inside, luckily the rain was there to hide all of my tears. He kissed me again, and then left with a promise that he would write to me every week and that I could see him again in just one year.

So that’s where I am today, waiting for him in yet another blue dress at the airport. And yet he’ll never come. He wrote just last week saying as soon as he got back he planned to marry me, but that was before the bomb. The bomb that killed so many people in his troop, and he came up as missing. As I watch the plane come in I keep praying that he’ll step off and sweep me away to a place much better then my Wonderland, but my hopes aren’t that high. That is, until I saw him in a wheelchair being rolled off the plane. As I ran to his huge smiling face I couldn’t help but think that my reality was about to become so much more enchanted then my Wonderland ever was.



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Jackies63 said...
Jul. 3 at 1:56 am:
Great story that moved me to tears
 
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dominicana said...
Feb. 11, 2010 at 7:55 pm:
I definatley love your story i think it was so amazing keep on writing
 
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