A Thief Among Us

January 13, 2010
By jenniferanne BRONZE, Louisville, Kentucky
jenniferanne BRONZE, Louisville, Kentucky
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Various Stalin and Churchill quotes. Various things said in Latin daily. "Lead, follow, or get out of the way."-Laurence J. Peter


On the morning of the second day of the school week, a bright sunray shone in through the window from the eastern side of the bedroom. The glittering light hit Elicia and warmed her face. A few short minutes passed, and her mother rapped on the door.

“Elicia, it’s time to get up and get ready for school!”

Still weary from slumber, Elicia slowly opened her eyes, revealing emerald rings and pushed her dark chocolate hair from her face. Placidly, she dressed herself in the uniform for Meriwether Preparatory School and eased a bright red headband onto her head.

Skipping out of her house to meet her best friend, Elicia passed up breakfast that morning to avoid her first tardy of the year. Together they walked along the empty sidewalk, in silence for most of the trip. Nearing a stop sign a block from their school, Elicia’s friend noticed at the bracelet that had slid down her wrist and frowned slightly. While crossing the street, she broke the quiet tension between them.

“Elie, how could you afford that bracelet? I thought you were grounded from getting an allowance.”

“What? Oh…erm…this old thing? I’m just temporarily borrowing it from my mother. She might get me one for my birthday, after we get out of school.”

“Oh, really? Because it looks like it’s brand new. My mistake, I guess...”

The final morning bells about to sound, the girls hastened to their classroom. One of their classmates was showing off an expensive gift from his parents: an “exclusive” French pen. Elicia wanted it for herself; it would look nice on her mahogany desk, after all. If she were to have it for herself though, she knew that she would have to act quickly to attain it without attracting any unwanted attention.

Their English teacher took note of all of the tired students assembled in the mob before him. “Your assignment is to write an informal letter to yourself. I want you to reflect on your lives, and any mistakes that you may have made recently. These letters will not be read by anyone, so don’t hold back.”

Pensive, Elicia could not decide what she could possibly choose. “What mistakes am I supposed to write about? I’m perfect. What a pointless assignment…I’ll just snatch that pen while nobody is looking, and maybe then something will come to me.”

The opportune moment arose, and she seized that glorious pen for herself. Not one person saw- they were all too busy writing-except for her best friend. Her undeserving classmate began to panic when he realized that his pen was gone. No one owned up to the crime.

The bells concluded the mundane Tuesday at Meriwether Prep. Elicia’s friend spoke up, giving Elicia a chance to admit to and explain her actions.
“It sure is strange that the pen disappeared like that, huh? I heard it cost a couple hundred dollars. His parents are going to ground him for sure.”

Elicia, entirely confident, responded. “That’s his problem. Why are you stressing out about this so much?”

“Elie, I saw you take the pen. Just give it back and I won’t tell.”

“Why should I? He’s never very nice to me anyway. All I know is that if you tell anybody, then we aren’t friends anymore.”

“Fine, I guess I won’t tell.”

Arriving at her house after in silence, they entered Elicia’s bedroom and emptied their backpacks to start on their homework. Nervously, Elicia asked her best friend where the pen she had recently obtained was. Her friend could only express a slight feeling of surprise.

“Oh no! This can’t be happening! Elie, where’s the last place that you had it?”

“It was in my backpack. It must have fallen out or something.”

“That’s not possible! We would have seen it or heard if it fell. Someone had to have taken it.”

“Why is this happening to me?” Elicia looked at her wrist. “Where’s the bracelet? My mother doesn’t know that I took it.”

“What? Elie, someone has obviously been stealing from you. I don’t see when they could have taken those things, though. I’m really sorry, but I have to go home. It’s getting close to dinner time.”

“You mean you aren’t going to help me look? Is there something wrong with you?”

Elicia’s friend’s back was turned to face her. She only smiled and said, “No, everything’s fine. Let’s just hope your mother somehow gets her bracelet back and the pen is found.” Departing, she set the bracelet on the kitchen counter and assured that the pen was still in her pocket.


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This article has 5 comments.


on Jan. 26 2010 at 9:11 pm
jenniferanne BRONZE, Louisville, Kentucky
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Various Stalin and Churchill quotes. Various things said in Latin daily. "Lead, follow, or get out of the way."-Laurence J. Peter

never thought about it that way, but i appreciate your suggestions. i wrote that for english a couple years ago, it's just supposed to develop the character. thanks for your ideas. :)

on Jan. 26 2010 at 4:03 pm
Just_Some_Guy BRONZE, Natick, Massachusetts
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
Reading is the thing we do to remind us of how much we'll never know.

Ah, yes, interesting.

It is an idea, but it is not yet a story. There is no conflict, as such, because the main character doesn't care what happens and everything is resolved before there can be any trouble. It's a good moral snippet, but it needs to be more fleshed out before it can really mean something.

However, it is well written, which says something these days. Keep it up, definitely.

on Jan. 26 2010 at 3:58 pm
Just_Some_Guy BRONZE, Natick, Massachusetts
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
Reading is the thing we do to remind us of how much we'll never know.

"Still weary from slumber, Elicia slowly opened her eyes, revealing emerald rings and pushed her dark chocolate hair from her face. Placidly, she dressed herself in the uniform for Meriwether Preparatory School and eased a bright red headband onto her head."

Most adverbs are unnecessary clutter

Why do we need to know the color of her eyes? Why not just brown hair?

Why does she ease the headband onto her head? Why not just 'put it on'

Writing like that may seem more interesting, but it's unnecessary. Description can be successful without such grandiose word choice. Furthermore, it dulls the meaning of every word if they are all so complex.

on Jan. 25 2010 at 9:48 pm
jenniferanne BRONZE, Louisville, Kentucky
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Various Stalin and Churchill quotes. Various things said in Latin daily. "Lead, follow, or get out of the way."-Laurence J. Peter

thanks! :)

on Jan. 25 2010 at 9:07 pm
...PensiveGurl... PLATINUM, Aurora, Colorado
20 articles 0 photos 268 comments

Favorite Quote:
You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we're doing it- Neil Gaiman.
Who are you to be who you are?-Le'Na Pernell

This story was very entertaining. Nice job! o.o


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