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A Morning Run

It was one of those songs that explained my life so well; I sore it was written just for me. I turned up the volume all the way, attempting to tune out my thoughts. Unfortunately it didn’t work. I could hear the pitter patter of my feet against the dirt, the huffing and puffing of my breath, the wind rustling through the trees, but no matter how loud the sounds, my thoughts were always louder. I hated that, so I would just start running faster. Maybe I was running towards something, maybe I was running away from something, maybe both. I wasn’t sure though. All I knew was it made me feel better. Early in the morning, no people, and the sun rising up from its hiding place: it all felt so good. Occasionally I would stop and stare up at the sky through the trees. This place was beautiful. It was almost magic. I just can’t believe that in a world full of such horrible things, beauty like this still exists. It seemed so unreal. Maybe I wasn’t in my world anymore, maybe when I entered the forest I entered a new world.

This was all so easy. I knew where I was going, because all I had to do was follow the path. If got lost I could just turn around and follow the path out. If I got tired I could just stop and rest. No one was watching me, so no one was judging me. Why can’t life be this easy? Why can’t there be and easy to see, set out path for us to follow?

It’s just not working, you know? Everything isn’t working. This relationship isn’t working. I can tell you’re not happy. I’m not happy. That isn’t hard to figure out. But I love you, and I can’t let you go. But maybe, just maybe, we will be better that way. It’s going to happen eventually. Like taking off a band-aid, maybe it’s better to just rip it off instead of doing it slowly. It might be less painful that way.

The situation plays over and over in my mind. Every time it’s a little bit different.

I run even faster. I turn the music up even louder. I hate all these voices in my head. They all try to tell me what to do. But which voice is mine? Oh, if only I was able to tell.

I just can’t run anymore, so I fall to the ground, into the puddles of autumn leaves and lay there letting my thoughts dance around me.

You know, I’m kind of glad we don’t have set out paths in life. I don’t think it would be as fun that way.





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thoughtfulsoul said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 10:40 pm
You are a talented writer. This is very, very well written. When I read this it instantly put me in a better mood :)
 
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