Goodnight

I stood there looking over the casket, only imagining the body inside. Flowers, sad music and black: Lots of black every where I looked. It wasn’t to long ago when I was five. When she stood over my bed, over me. Kind of the way I’m standing over her now. When she would tuck me in, read me a book and whisper in my ear that she loved me.

I was more sad then I had ever been in my life. It was something you just can’t explain, this feeling I mean. It was over whelming to feel such a great power over your emotions. Something you just couldn’t control. No matter how much I wanted to smile I couldn’t. I couldn’t because there wasn’t a part of me that was happy. Not one bit. Crying was the only thing I knew how to do now. Tears filled my veins and tears was all I felt. I felt them sliding down my cheek onto the dirt ground: onto the casket. There were many people all around me. But not one did I see. It was just me and her. No one else. Not even my dad who’s hand was placed on my shoulder for comfort. Sadly it didn’t take away any pain.

I wanted to leave. I wanted to get away from it all. But deep down all I really wanted to do was be there with her. I just couldn’t leave her side again.
My crying slowed down and from behind the tears that blurred the world around me I could see the sun beginning to set. In a way that made me les sad but then only made the hurt worse as it brought back memories one by one. The people began to turn and leave but I stood in the golden light on my own.
After the crowd was gone I began to make my way out of the cemetery as well. I wondered out into a field of grass. It reached out so far I couldn’t see where it ended and wondered if it did end at all. The sun was half way down and it marked its place for a little longer leaving behind pinks, golds, and shades of orange. I wished I could just stay here for the rest of my life. Never have to face another person ever again. I sat and waited until the sun was finished setting and the beautiful colors stretched across the sky had faded into a black. Again with the black.

A wind blew my hair from my face and I decided to leave. I didn’t want to go home though. So I went back to the cemetery. It hadn’t been long enough to forget where the grave stone was placed.
I kneeled down and closed my eyes waiting to here those words. But I knew they wouldn’t come. So I decided it was my turn to say them.
“Mom, If by any chance you can hear me I just want to say I love you. I want to say that I miss you putting me to bed at night. But I'm older now and so are you. I think its my turn to say those words. So mom, I just wanted to say goodnight.”

With that I stood up and left the cemetery with one last tear in my eye . I brushed it off my cheek, took in a deep breath and went on my way.





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