Conversations with Myself

September 22, 2009
Shaking my head gently and with the slightest of a smile I turned to him and said,
" You really doesn't matter to me anymore."
He was so taken aback that I didn't even have to interrupt him as planned...but I pretended like I had anyways. -
"BeCAUSEEE I'm my very own person. I'm not only happy, but I'm also comfortable in my own skin. My very own skin."

I paced around the room, picking up random knick-knacks and handling them delicately.
He shifted his weight nervously from foot to foot.
"I've realized lately that everyone wants to bring down the person they can't become. The person who's got it all figured out without trying...the person who's pieces of the 'puzzle' seem to just fall right into place. And you know why? Because they're all such a deep green shade of envy that they don't care about anyone but themselves anymore. All they want is to steal the happiness right out from under you. They think that maybe, just maybe, they could pull your happiness from you and glue it back into the hole where their's used to be. But it doesn't work like that."

He wasn't even looking at me.
I raised my voice.
"Happiness cannot be traded, or exchanged, or even stolen. You've gotta earn that s***! But the ones who are too weak and lazy and self-righteous to try and get their own happiness think they can just JACK MINE."

He looked at me with the blankest look I've ever seen on a living, breathing human being.
At least he was paying attention now, the smug little b******.
Sardonicly, I continued...
"Maybe it's my fault...maybe I haven't spent enough of my life trying to make other people happy, so God is punishing me. God is punishing me by forcing the cold and emptyhearted youth of the nation to steal my joy. That's gotta be it. Tell me, please, tell me - when do I get to just live my life for ME? When do I get to just breathe without feeling guilty for sucking in someone else's oxygen? Why can't I feel anything but angry?"

My emotions started to fight their way out of my brain and into my tearduct. I blinked them back, swallowing several times to banish the lump in my throat back to its biley grave.
He sighed a heavy sigh and landed on the couch in one fluid collapse.
There was still nothing in his eyes.

"I'll tell you why, darling. Because everyone's stolen my happiness, so anger is all that I've got left. I can't even be despondent seeing as how I've got no heart to be sick about. They can't even use it, seeing as how it isn't theirs, so my Stolen Happiness is probably just laying in some landfill in North Dakota somewhere, waiting for some lucky dog to come by and gobble it up. Happiness tastes like bacon, didn't you know? That's why dogs are always smiling."

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This article has 16 comments. Post your own now!

wishingtheskywasbluer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 20, 2012 at 1:13 pm
the beginnning was a little bit confusing, but the end was great!
aschneider This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 24, 2011 at 6:29 pm
I play the bassoon too! also, great story 
awesomeaugust This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 9:48 pm
Great ending. You ahve a way of ending your pieces with some humor or bittersweet thought. Also, I think you'd be good at writing plays. There was one part in the middle where I thought "wow, that would make a great monologue"
Supriya said...
Jan. 1, 2011 at 12:16 am
loved it !
reenay_95 said...
Jan. 1, 2011 at 12:14 am
I would like to know a little more about the context and situation.
stephanie.marie.g said...
Oct. 27, 2010 at 8:49 pm
wow. that is so great. i love it. it seems to just fit. like an answered always searched for, it makes perfect sense. great job!
cyanidesun said...
Jun. 24, 2010 at 2:13 am
I absolutely adore your writing! It's extremely difficult to write with such personalized views that you use in your characters, and you do it so well! The cynicism, the comedic timing, the commentary? It's all so flawless and original. Albeit, there are a few grammatical errors, but your writing is beyond lovely. Bravo.     
Laughternchoclate said...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 6:59 pm
Love love loved it "happiness tastes like bacon, that's why dog's are always smiling
babigerl1194 said...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 5:22 pm
to be honest i been stalking you. jk jk ive beem readin ur work tho and u sound amazing <3 u should be writer u have me hanging on everyowrd. and i really wanna meat you know. im just curios tho are these really real or made up scenarios. i myself write but think im horrible if ud giv me feedback itd mean alot since i love all your work. <3
Peanut:) said...
Jan. 21, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Really awesome, powerful and thought-provoking. I love all your work. It's so true and well written and I hope you post some thing new soon!
TigerLynn said...
Oct. 15, 2009 at 8:22 pm
I love THIS! I do understand and the parts that i didn't you cleared up in the explanation to the other person who commented. you said it is shaky but girl if this is the shakey stuff you need to apply yourself completely and you will find the result to be masterpiece! you are one of the best writers on the site! KEEP IT UP! On your profile it says you want to be and English teacher and i think you would excel at that but you should also write many books for us! it is your duty with all tha... (more »)
Annabelle7614 replied...
Nov. 11, 2009 at 6:36 pm
I agree with TigerLynn.
You would be really good at writing down to earth, totally believable teen books. You are really good at communicating what teens go through. I love reading what you write because it's so raw, and there's no sugar coating. Just the cold hard truth. I'm sure everyone who reads your stuff agrees with me.
bamboom212 replied...
Feb. 2, 2010 at 3:15 pm
tigerlynn and annabelle pretty much said it all. I have to admit, i've read alot of ur work and i just luv it. ud definetly excel at becoming an english teacher! :))
Mahathi said...
Sept. 30, 2009 at 10:09 am
though i didnt understand some parts of the story, its really well written! i would really appreciate if you could just brief me about its theme! :)
Bassoonkelley This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 30, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Honestly, the emotions behind the narrator's voice come from several different places. It sort of represents feeling beautiful even though people are always trying to bring you down. The narrator is irritated that no matter how much she tries to ignore insults or criticism, they always end up getting under her skin anyways. Thanks for the comment, feel free to take a look at the rest of my stuff!
Mahathi replied...
Oct. 1, 2009 at 12:05 am
Ahh! that makes things a lot more clear! I did read your other work, its really great! :)
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