Fall Crash

The world was chilly in the morning and the windshield fogged up like clouds floating above still water. I pressed the defrost button and the car responded to the twist of my key with a roar. I sped down the streets of suburbia and the twenty year old oaks' branches coated the sky with falling stillness. Left, right, and a few minutes later, left again. Cold, fall sky. Leaves like like laughing lilies. The colorful dead. Hair on the shiny tiles of the barber shop. Dead Skin. Rake it into piles and discard. Right. Light is red. Stop to the crashing of two cars they collide two lives intertwine and merge as the used vehicles like useless in the scandalous sun and the used bodies soulless on a paved fall street. Only the trunks remain trying to remember what it felt like to carry the burden of life and death.





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yaelephant5 said...
Sept. 24, 2009 at 4:51 pm
very true. some careless typos on my part. most the fragments are purposeful. "like" is supposed to be lie one of the times in that sentence and in the second to last sentence
 
yaelephant5 replied...
Sept. 24, 2009 at 9:34 pm
pretty much it should read like this:
The world was chilly in the morning and the windshield fogged up like clouds floating above still water. I pressed the defrost button and the car responded to the twist of my key with a roar. I sped down the streets of suburbia and the twenty year old oaks' branches coated the sky with falling stillness. Left, right, and a few minutes later, left again. Cold, fall sky. Leaves lie like laughing lilies. The colorful dead. Hair on the shiny tiles of ... (more »)
 
flockm said...
Sept. 24, 2009 at 4:21 pm
I like this story, but in the sentence "Leaves like like laughing lilies" you said "like" twice.You also wrote sentence fragments such as, "Right." and "Light is red." I think if you proofread it and fix up some mistakes you would have a very good paper.
 
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