She Sabotaged My Suicide Attempt

She Sabotaged My Suicide Attempt I smiled wryly as I took a deep breath of fresh air. My breathing
was surprisingly even, considering why I stood here. It was a cold winter day- in fact, it was the
day after Christmas. Rain pelted the ground- not snow, rain. Snow doesn't stick in Texas. I
haven't seen snow in years and I never will again. I have waited so long for this day. It's been
weeks and months of scheming, planning, and timing the event. This increased my chances of success-
not that there was much of a chance of failure in the first place. But I'm not taking any chances
on having this plan fail. After all, you can get straight A's in every subject and still fail
life- precisely what I was about to do. I pulled my school ID card of out my pocket and put it on
top of my shoes. No note. No signature. Just one piece of identification so that my parents, if they
noticed my disappearance, would know what had happened. I doubted that it would matter to them. I
wasn't sure why I bothered, but I did it anyway. I slipped my jacket off, and the cold air hit me.
This would be the last time. I should savor it while possible. I took a step forward and felt the
sand beneath my toes. For some reason, I couldn't just do it, a much as I wanted to, craved it. I
forced all emotion aside and threw myself forward. And then something hit my back- hard. My
fingertips grasped the edge of the cliff and clung on, trying to fling myself over the edge instead
of facing reality. But whoever it was clutched me too tightly. I felt my strength leave me and
slumped over, elbows digging into the ground. The person (for the weight determined this) still had
their arms around my chest. "Let me go," I growled, tugging at the person's arms. The person
kicked me until we had switched places, releasing their grip as they did so. Now, she was closer to
my goal than I was. "No," she simply stated. Her beautiful red hair was wet, and she wore no
jacket. Her brown eyes were stormy and concerned. I wasn't sure whether to be grateful or
disgusted. "Liddyuh Moore? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at home studying so that
you can keep up your class rank as number one?" "I should ask you that question." She folded
her arms but kept her gaze focused on me. It made me feel uncomfortable. "Is this what this
stupidity is about? Unable to take second-best?" "No." I narrowed my blue eyes at her. "No
one wants me around. I might as well do everyone a favor and disappear. Now move so I can do
that." Liddyuh shook her head. "There's no way I'm going to assist you in committing
suicide. In fact, I'm going to stand in your way." "Don't be stupid." "That's another
thing I could say to you, Ezra Hodges." She looked into my eyes. "Your hair is a mess," she
added. "I know." My blond hair was filled with dirt and sand, but I hadn't bothered to clean
it. There was really no point. I remembered the cold when a gust of wind blew. "Why aren't you
wearing a jacket? Do you want to freeze to death?" "If I had stopped to get a jacket, where
would you be right now?" "Where I want to be." I tried to shove past her unsuccessfully. Even
though she was a girl, she was stronger than I was. "Why do you care anyway?" "You said that
no one cares. That's not true- here's living proof." "What do you know?" "Ezra, if I
didn't care about you, would I have let you jump off this cliff during a thunderstorm?" As if to
prove Liddyuh's point, a bolt of lightning struck. "Yeah. You could let me have the one thing I
want from life- death." "That is so bizarre." "It's the truth." Liddyuh sighed. "I
know you're going through a lot with your parents and all. I know your friends are back-stabbing
jerks. I know all these things, Ezra. But please don't commit suicide. I care about you!" I was
astounded by the audacity of her words. Although we were neighbors, that was pretty much how it had
been- neighbors only. I didn't know that she cared enough about me to come out without a jacket
and attempt to save my life. "What's the point of living? My parents hate each other, I'm
losing my mind, and I'm just always in the way. Might as well get it over with." She grabbed me
by my shoulders. "Are you insane?" she asked me. "I've felt like you before, Ezra! No one
came to save me! I just ended up in the hospital for a long time after that!" "I never knew."
"Is that something you think I would broadcast?" She looked at the floor. "Everyone else
thought that it was an accident. But I really tried to commit suicide and just ended up hurting
myself instead." "Was it a stormy day?" "No, and that's why you aren't jumping off this
cliff today, tomorrow, next week, or ever in your life. There's more to life than you think!"
"And what is that?" "I'll tell you what saved me from jumping off this cliff again. You
can't always be selfish, Ezra. You'd hurt me if you committed suicide. Besides, I'm not the
only person who cares. Just come to my house and dry off. Let's get out of here- it's kind of
nasty." "Wait." She stopped in her tracks- and now I was the one closer to the edge of the
cliff. "Give me a moment to think." "Promise me you won't jump." "I promise," I told
her. What was she going to do if I broke that promise? That promise didn't really matter. I
wasn't going to let anyone stop me. And then I looked at her eyes. Liddyuh smiled kindly at me.
"I'll meet you at the house." Maybe, maybe not. I thought it but didn't say it. I took one
step over, one step closer to the goal that I had chosen, feeling the sand on my toes and savoring
the moment as rain dripped down my face, in my hair, and on my skin for just one last time.





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This article has 6 comments. Post your own now!

Maxiiswuttheycallme This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 26, 2011 at 7:32 pm
I believe that Ezra does jump. The wording leads me to think that way.
 
ashley2055 said...
Dec. 6, 2009 at 9:38 am
i think ezra does jump because of the whole one last time thing and all, but im not sure
 
Inkspired said...
Aug. 26, 2009 at 10:39 pm
I think both Sara and Schubster were right. God is definitely one of people who cares, although having that as a reason to live doesn't work. And either she likes him, or someone else does. Anyway, love this, it deals with a tough issue!
 
Schubster said...
Aug. 17, 2009 at 2:47 pm
I think that Ezra does commit suicide (guys can be stubborn like that)....and that Liddyuh was trying to tell Ezra that she liked him. It's a great piece of work, and so original. I haven't seen any Teenink pieces written on commiting suicide...........
 
PK4evr This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 25, 2009 at 9:49 pm
I apologize for the paragraph spacing- I don't know what happened... but sorry anyway. It wasn't originally like that.
 
SaraB. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 25, 2009 at 12:08 am
Well, since I have sort of been in that situation before, I know that just one moment of hearing that you shouldn't do it can be enough to save you, or at least delay the action, I would have to guess that Ezra chose to live. However, your last line "...one last time." threw me for a loop, so I'm not entirely sure now. Oh, and just a guess, but since Liddyuh said that she's not the only one who cares, was she talking about God? I couldn't help but interperate that way because if it w... (more »)
 
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