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We both sat there at the end of his bed quietly. He looked into my eyes and I looked into his. His gaze burned my skin as the revelation of what happened not too long ago set in. I was shocked. Deeply and utterly shocked at what I had done. And though my face showed many signs of stress, his was still the way it was during the incident. He was still smiling with his perfect pearly white teeth. The eyes seemed to hurt me even more when his smile was involved.
“ Why are you smiling?” I asked him harshly.
“ Your face is priceless.” he said with a quiet chuckle behind his words.
At that moment, I wanted nothing more but for him to to die. I couldn’t believe after everything he knew I went through, he found our situation not serious at all.
“ Take me home.” I said not looking at his face anymore.
“ Wait, let’s have a little more fun before you leave, huh?” He replied and I knew deep down that his smile had broadened.
“ No!” I said loudly. “Take me home now. I wish not to be here anymore!”
“ What are you going to do if I don’t take you home?” he asked.
I turned to him, my eyes surprised by his words. He laughed. Of course.
“ Your face! It’s just so…….” he continued to laugh.
“ Stop it! Please take me home now!” I continued to protest.
“ Relax. I just…….Your face!” he laughed even more loudly.
I tried to fight back the tears in my eyes, but I lost the battle. I could feel the warm droplet eek from my eye down onto my cheek.
“Awwww.” he said his laughter stopping abruptly, his face serious.
“ Don’t cry. Listen, you wanted to have a good time and I gave it to you. Greg could never do the things I did. He would never even try it, considering his beliefs.” He moved closer to me and brushed my tear with the tip of his thumb. “ There now.” he said smiling once more. “Feeling better?”
“ Home. Now.” I said.
He sighed and quickly got to his feet. I got to my feet as well and rushed out of the room. I then ran down the stairs and went to his car outside by the front yard.
The ride seemed much longer than it had been on my way over to his house. Most likely because we weren’t talking. Or atleast I wasn’t speaking to him. He tried to get me to talk to him, though I refused. I was repulsed with myself. I didn’t deserve to have a kind conversation with him. I didn’t desevre to have a kind conversation with anyone.
Not even Greg.
More tears streamed down my eyes. How was I supposed to tell Greg about this? Should I tell Greg about this? I didn’t like keeping secrets from him, but maybe it was the best thing to do. As if he read my mind, he said:
“ So, I think it best if you don’t tell Greg about this.”
For once, we both actually agreed on something. “ Unless you want to?” he asked puzzlingly.
“ I don’t know.” I admitted.
“ If you tell him, that would be the end of your relationship.” he replied. “However, that means you and I can be together. Wouldn’t you like that?”
I did not reply. I felt happy with Greg. Sort of. We had fun together but he never wanted to get close to me. It was hard for him to even kiss me in public. But I did not want to end up being the bad person in the relationship.
“ On second thought, tell him.” he finally said after a moment of silence.
“ No!” I yelled. “We can’t. I want to be with him.”
“ That’s not what it seemed like three hours ago.” he began laughing again.
I turned my whole body away from him and towards the window. Tears came down my eyes so frequently that they seemed like broken water faucetts that could never be fixed.
It was not long before he pulled up to my driveway. I got out quickly without looking back at him.
“Aren’t you going to say ‘Thank you for this pleasant time?’” he called to me. I slammed the door in his face. I could hear him laughing loudly. He then sped off down the street.
I was glad to be rid of him. The first thing I did was take a shower. In that shower, so many questions filled my head:
“Should I tell him?”
“What’s the worst that could happen?”
“ He’d understand wouldn’t he?”
“But I don’t want to break his heart.”
These questions and statements rang through my ears like the bell at school that sounded for the end of the school day. Thank God school was out! Had we still been in school when this occurred, the news of me and him would spread like wildfire. Greg would definitely call off the relationship. I got out of the shower and quickly dressed into an old t-shirt and pajama pants. My hair was still wet from the shower, but I didn’t care. I laid on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I pondered what to do as the night dragged on. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but suddenly I heard a ‘beep’ at my computer. I sat up quickly to look at it, and there was his face.
His innocent blue eyes stared at me with such love in them. His light blond hair glowed on the screen. His nice kind smile grew bigger when he saw me. There, I sat in the prescence of an angel. My angel. My heart began to sink.
“ Hey Leila!” he said cheerfully through the screen. “Hope I didn’t wake you.”
“ No.” I said getting up to sit in my computer chair. “Hey yourself!” I said back to him with a smile. He smiled back at me and laugh. His laugh was like a delicate soft newborn baby’s. My heart sank deeper.
“ So how’s camp?” I asked him trying to hide the hurt.
“ Ugh it’s so boring here!” he replied rolling his eyes. “ I can’t believe my dad made me come here. I wanted to spend summer relaxing with you. Not trying to fight off mosqutioes and pinching tents. I feel like I’m on Survivor!”
I laughed kindly to him and he laughed at me once more. “I’m sorry you’re not having any fun.”
“ Yeah, well atleast the web cam’s working.” he replied triumphantly.
It was so nice to talkt to Greg. He was nice and sincere. Cute and funny. Caring and Loving.
A tear fell from my eye. I grew even more disgusted with myself. Staring into this angel and telling him the bad news.
“ Leila, what’s wrong?” he said urgently.
I wiped the tear from my eye. “ I just miss you so much.” I replied.
“ Awww baby I miss you too.” Greg said looking as if he were about to cry too. “ But I’ll be back next week and then we can spend the remainder of our summer together.”
I nodded in agreement.
“ So.” he said changing the subject. “How’s Evan doing?”
“ Evan?” I asked.
“ Yeah, what’s my best bud up to? I’m sure he misses me too. You’ve shown him a good time haven’t you?”
That staement made me feel even worse. How were we supposed to deal with what I had done when he got back. Most assuredly, he and Evan would no longer be friends. How would I face Evan everyday if I don’t tell Greg? Evan would always be at Greg’s house or just hanging out with him somewhere at the same time I hung out with him.
This was all just so horrible.
“ He’s doing fine.” I finally answered.
“ That’s good.” Greg said smiling again. “ Well I have to go but I’ll talk to in the morning baby, alright?’
“ Yeah.” I replied quietly.
“ Okay. Love ya!” he said winking at me and smiling his broad angelic smile.
The screen cut black and the deadness inside me creeped up faster than anything I ever felt.
I slumped back down on my bed and looked at the time. It was 12:32. I was surprised at how early it was. This gave me time to think, which I was grateful for.
To tell the truth or not to tell the truth? That was the question. Both answers to that question had unfortunate consequences. One would suffer while the other prospered. Which one would it be?
Greg didn’t deserve to have his heart broken. I would hate to have to ruin his angelic ways. I was……am his first girlfriend. The first girlfriend is always someone that you remember, even after so many years. Is it worth telling him just to get the guilt off my chest? Worth ruining his hapiness with his lover and his friend?
And then there was Evan. Actually, I really didn’t care what happened to him. I never cared for Evan at all. However, his feelings towards me were different. I always knew that he wanted me, so I tried to play hard to get. I didn’t realize until it was too late that he was also playing that game, which drew me closer to him than I wanted to be.
Evan would be the one to suffer.
But if I didn’t tell Greg, how could I face Evan everyday? He would look at me with such scorn and hate in his eyes. Or he would try to lure me into his web once more.
This is so complicated!
Throughout the night, I thought about what I should do.
Morning hit fast as the sun rose through my windows. I heard a ‘beep’ at my computer and slowly walked toward it. There was the angel in my face again.
“ Morning sleepy head. How was your night?”
I didn’t answer.
“ Yeah, mine too.” he chuckled.
“ Greg.” I said.
“ Yeah?” he asked.
“ There’s something I want to tell you.”
“ Oh?” Greg looked stunned as I knew he would be. Just then, there was a buzz from my phone. I quickly grabbed it and read the text message from a familiar number.
“ Have you decided?” it read.
I texted back. “Yes.”
I then looked back at Greg’s angel eyes as he smiled.
“ I just wanted to tell you that…………….”
I looked back down at my phone as I deleted his number.
“ Yeah?” Greg asked with curious eyes.
“ I want you to know that I love you. That’s all.”