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Dangerous Thoughts

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If you had told me what was going to happen last year in advance I would not have believed you. It all started on a blustery autumn day.

“Hi Susan”, Star said.

“Hey”, Susan replied.

“How are things going with you and Ted?”

“Great”, Susan replied, “we are going out tonight”.

“Cool”, Star sighed, “you are so lucky to have a boyfriend like Ted.”

Susan smiled, showing off her perfectly straight white teeth. “He is awesome.”

At that moment the bell rang signaling the end of school. Susan and Star headed to their homes. It was 4 o clock by the time Susan got home. Rushing up to her room she realized she only had 2 hours to get ready, which was not enough time for her because her red hair that she liked to curl in complicated ringlets. It was already 4:30 by the time she stepped out of her shower. Susan put on her turquoise V neck dress and fastened the clasp on her bracelet that Ted had given to her their last anniversary.

“Susan?” her mom called up the stairs.

“Yes?” she shouted in response.

“I am ready to leave.”

“OK.”

Susan scurried down the stairs and into her mother’s car. After approximately 2 minutes Susan’s mom’s red convertible pulled up to Ted’s house. Susan thought Ted looked like a movie star with his brown shaggy hair just sweeping his gorgeous eyes which were almost always hidden behind dark Calvin Klein sun glasses.

“Where to, the movies?”, Susan’s mom asked.

“Please”, Ted replied. “Is that OK Susan?”

“Great”, she said.

So they went to a movie that was (in Susan’s words) the best movie on the planet. After a delicious dinner they ordered crème brulee to share for dessert then got in Ted’s parents car and headed home. As Susan lay in bed that night she thought about how well the evening had gone. “How many girls are lucky enough to have a boyfriend like Ted?”, she thought before she fell into a deep, deep sleep. The next day at school in homeroom the intercom went off and said all 8th graders report to the auditorium ASAP when Susan and Star (who were in the same homeroom) got to the auditorium where they were joined by Ted.

“Quiet”, the principal said. “Today we will be talking about high school. High school will prepare you for the road ahead…….”
Susan had tuned the principal out at the words “the road ahead”. So she was surprised to see that Ted was actually listening. As they were walking out of the auditorium Ted yelled “Susan, those jeans are way too tight. Don’t ever wear them again”.

“OK”, Susan choked.

That evening Ted did not call Susan at six which they did every night. “Hmmm”, Susan thought , “maybe it was my turn to call him”. So she picked up the phone and dialed his number which she had long ago committed to memory. However Ted did not pick up. “Oh well, he must be outside and I will call him later”. That happened for 3 days. At school Ted either ignored her or insulted her. Susan was so glad it was Friday.

In homeroom Star slipped into a seat next to Susan. “Hi Susan”, Star said.

“Hey Star”, Susan said glumly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Ted was supposed to call me the last three nights and he has not”.

“That stinks”, said Star sympathetically.

“He was supposed to go out with me last night but he didn’t”.

“Oh”.

“ I am so depressed. I really want to go to the movies but I don’t want to go alone”.

“ Well, lets go together”, Star suggested, “like a girls night out”.

“No guys?”, Susan asked.

“Yup. I’ll meet you at the movies at 6, OK?”

“ Sure”, Susan replied.

That evening when they were standing in line Star said to Susan “Isn’t that Ted over there with those high school cheerleaders?”

“It is”, Susan cried, “and he is totally flirting too!”.

Star said, “I know”.

That night Susan cried herself to sleep thinking, “Why? Why? Am I not good enough for Ted?”

The next day Star slipped into her usual desk next to Susan’s desk in homeroom. Susan was not there. “I’ll call her tonight. Maybe she is still upset about Ted”, Susan thought.

At 4:15 in the afternoon Susan’s phone rang. “Maybe it’s Ted”, she said aloud to herself. She picked it up. “Hi Star”.

“What’s wrong?”, Star asked.

“Ted has been ignoring me”.

“Oh, that stinks”, Star said.

“Maybe I should just kill myself and get out of his way”.

“You’re not serious?”

“Yes I am. Please don’t tell. Promise?”

“Yup, promise.”

The next morning Susan got called down to the counselors office. “Susan, we need to talk”, the counselor said.

“Star”, Susan yelled on the phone that night, “YOU PROMISED NOT TO TELL!”.

“Well I was worried about you. I am sorry”.

“I am never speaking to you again”. Then she hung up.

“Susan?”, her mom called.

“Yes”, Susan said.

Susan‘s mother knocked lightly on the door and came in and hugged Susan. “ The school counselor called me and told me about your whole dilemma with Ted. I am getting you in an after school counseling program”.

“OK”, Susan said, “I guess I should apologize to Star”.

“Yes, you should”.

The next day Susan broke up with Ted at lunch. That day a little while after she got home the phone rang and she picked it up. “Hi Star”.

“Hi Susan”.

“Look, I am sorry I got mad at you”

“It’s OK, I deserved it”.

“No, you didn’t, Susan said. “I am going to get counseling after school:.

“Susan, my mom and dad and I were wondering if you would like to go on vacation to North Carolina with us?”



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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

His-Bright-Green-Eyes... said...
Aug. 10, 2009 at 8:59 pm
LOVE IT!!! but it could use more imagery like joanna said. but otherwise i loved it. thanks for your comments!!
 
tor10jax said...
Aug. 4, 2009 at 6:13 pm
I thought the plot line was interesting, too. I pretty much agree with what Joanna said (please don't be discouraged with all the criticism. I still haven't gotten myself to write a short story like you). I have a few really small things to add. The characters don't really sound like 8th graders (it said they were during the meeting in the auditorium). I'm not sure what that meeting contributed to the story. I think you could probably do revising on this story and resend it to te... (more »)
 
pinksage33 said...
Aug. 1, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Thanks for the constructive critisisum. ill keep it in mind.
 
Joanna said...
Jul. 29, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Erm... The story had a good plot line, you just need to work on it a bit.
Why does Ted make that remark about Susan's pants? Why is everything so easy and why does it all move along so smoothly? When you write you need imagery. You need to dredge up the emotion. Susan speaks about comitting suicide so calmly. Also, try to stick to one character's point of view. Who is the "I" in the beginning? You start out from Susan's point of view, but halfway through switch to Star's. If yo... (more »)
 
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