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Dear Mom and Dad,
I am just giving up. We have tried everything. The months of chemo didn’t work and I am tired of living life in pain. Life isn’t the same when all I do is staring at hospital walls. I hate lying to everyone by pretending that I am fine and going to make it. I just want to do something with the rest of my life. I don’t want to die, but if I do I want to say I did something with my life and not die with regrets. Life is short and it is being cut even shorter for me so why should I use that time trying to find some miracle. Why shouldn’t I be in peace with my family creating more fun memories? I don’t want you to be remembering it as the end, but as the beginning. The beginning of…life. My life has been great, but there are so many things I still want to do. I know you don’t want to accept that I am dying, but please just let me do this.
Jane cried “Scott, Scott, Scott.” She ran to him in the back yard carrying the letter. He was out there mowing the lawn, but the second he saw her face he sprinted to her not even worrying about the mower.
“What is it? Is Meghan alright?” he said frantically.
“Not for long. I went and got the mail and… and Meghan must have dropped it in there. I don’t know, but she is giving up. She is just giving up.”
“I don’t. What?”
“Here just read the letter”
Jane handed him the letter and pulled out a tissue from her pocket and tried to wipe the tears away while Scott read the letter.
Scott finished the letter and ran up and hugged her.
“How could she just do that? She is just giving up. What does she expect us to do? She just wants us to give up hope and just let her die.” She said starting to cry again. “I mean does she understand what she is asking.”
“Sh. Sh. I know it’s hard, but it is what she wants. Let’s just talk to her. Maybe she has changed her mind, but if not it is what Meghan wants. I think she just wants to experience life. You know how hard it is to see her like this. I mean what if this is what she needs. What if this puts a smile on her face again? I just want to see our little girl happy.”
“How could you say that? You just want to let her die! How could you think this is a good idea?”
“Come on lets just talk to her. Please. Just let’s talk to Meghan. Okay?”
Jane ran up to Jane’s room with Scott silently walking behind her. When they came in Meghan was lying in bed searching for hotels in London.
“What are you doing?” hollered Jane.
“Looking for hotels in London.”
“You think I am going to let you just give up. Meghan Holly Pearson you are not going to London. You are not going anywhere. I am not going to let you do this. I am not going to lose you. You will live. I swear to God I will do everything in my power to keep you alive.”
“Mom I have already made the decision. I am sick and tired of being…of being sick and tired. I just want to make the best out of a bad situation. This is what I want. And Mom you are going to lose me. The treatments aren’t working. You heard the doctor. I AM going to die. One way or the other I will die from this cancer. I see it this way. I can have my last days be the worst days of my life or the best. Just please understand this is what I want.”
“You are only fourteen years old you don’t know what you want.”
“Honey, she does know what she wants. Look in her beautiful blue eyes and tell me that you don’t see the pain and want in those eyes. Jane, dear, I think she is right. She is going to die. Why not let her have these last days be exciting. You know she has always wanted to go to London. We could take Hannah and David too. I mean this is what she wants. I know it is hard for me too, but let Meghan be happy.” Scott said.
“What?! I am not going to let my husband help my daughter kill herself. That is what you are doing. If you stay in treatment just a little longer I guarantee you can fight this.”
“No Mom I won’t. Please just listen. The doctor’s said it. I am saying it. Dad is saying it. I. Am. Dying.”
“No. No. No. You are only fourteen there has to be away. You can’t just leave me like this.”
“Sorry Mom, but there is NOTHING you can do now. I am not really giving up. I am just accepting that there is no alternative. So please just say that I am dying and accept it.”
“No. You aren’t dying. There is a way.”
“No Mom there isn’t. Just say it!”
“Fine! You are dying. You my sweet little Meghan is dying and I can’t stop it. Is that what you want to hear? That I am going to lose you and I can’t control it.”
“Yes Mom. And I just need you to accept that or you will never be able to understand what I want. So please let me do this. I don’t have a lot of time left and this is what I want. So Mom please will you let me do this.”
Jane rushed to her daughter crying. She wrapped Meghan in her arms and whispered in her ear “Yes”