(Even those meant to be together, can fall apart)

 ‘Have I seen you before?’, a beautiful woman asked me. Her body the colour of almonds, smooth black hair slicked perfectly down which rolled over her well-developed body, her black eyes piercing anything they saw; and her hand was linked to another’s.

     Did it have to end this way? I sadly thought to myself, at the same time I had plastered a bright smile on my struggling face.

     ‘Uh’, I stammered, unsure of what to say, ‘I don’t believe so’. My face seemed to be full of joy and sincerity, but, my hands were shaking inside my cloak which has been smouldered by the smell of cigarette smoke.

     ‘Oh!’ she exclaimed, ‘My bad for disturbing you. Have a good day’, she awkwardly threw me a smile as she and the man beside her headed towards the lit Christmas tree. Where every family and couple were gathering at.

I stared for a bit. Specifically, at the stranger’s backside, the image of myself and his kept flashing in my mind. I sighed and kept walking with my head down on this frigid winter night. Hard to imagine that in a time in my life, I thought she was going to be my wife.

+

Children.

Me and my best friend are called Beauty and the Beast. We would walk around the neighbourhood hand in hand, gallop onto strangers’ lawns, swim together, attempt to start a lemonade business together; basically, we would do anything and everything together. Of course, that isn’t the reason we are called this, but, I will explain that later since as of this exact moment, I had exposed myself to a strange situation.

     ‘So, you’re saying I won’t jump off this bridge?’, I asked, overconfident in my abilities as a man.

     ‘Ha!’, she teased, ‘I know you won’t even consider it’, my friend said confidently. Her straight black hair bouncing with each immature snort. Both cute and disgusting.

Ignoring her I climbed onto the bridge. The distance from here and the pond was at least two stories. I dragged my feet forward feeling more confident with each small stride. That was until a sudden cold front made itself known, almost throwing me off balance.

     ‘H-hey now I was joking!’, my friend was stumbling for words, concern obvious in her tone, ‘You don’t need to jump’. She came towards the edge, her feet still safe on the concrete, and held onto my thing brown shorts that were a size to small. For some strange reason I had what might be the best idea in the world.

     ‘How long have we been friends for?’ I asked nonchalantly. The wind was blowing stronger, now.

     ‘Does that matter right now!?’ she said hysterically, even her black hair was beginning to get blown away by the wind, ‘Just get down!’

     ‘I won’t until you answer the question’, I could feel the bottom of my feet being dragged by the wind.

     ‘Since we were eight, we’ve been best friends for the past five years! There’s your answer now get down!’

     ‘Best friends’, I whispered to nobody, the wind taking those words away, ‘That sounded nice, but, now that seems a bit childish. Hey! Let’s say I survive this plunge I want something in compensation’.

     ‘I ain’t even forcing you to jump anymore!’, she had both her hands on my shorts, her small fingers grasping as tightly as they could, ‘Why do I have to pay?!’

     ‘Not literally!’, the wind picked speed, ‘But just go with it’.

     I turned myself around and faced downwards, looking at her in her pitch-black eyes that could investigate anyone’s soul. Here fingers slid off. Keeping eye contact I stretched out my arms, and, as if this entire stunt was staged the wind blew its mightiest gust, ‘I want’. I felt a tilt in momentum and before I saw the sky I yelled, ‘A kiss!’

+

 I woke up startled, unsure of where I was at first but as I recognized the all too familiar hospital room. I soon managed to steady my breathing. I looked under the common blouse most patients wear, I had heart monitor stickers stuck to my chest. I let go of the thin cloth. These hospital rooms have always been a bittersweet place. Hospital rooms is where I spent the best days as well as the single worst day of my life.

     I scanned the room pushing the nostalgia to the back of my mind, seeing nothing special I was about to lay back down. That was until a lion, more specifically the snoring of my fellow peer caught my attention. 

     ‘Serena?’ I whispered hoarsely. She didn’t respond. I swallowed a bit of my spit, not really expecting my voice to be so raspy.

     I frowned. Regaining all my senses I could easily feel the soreness, bruises, and pain that ran through all my body, but, I got the sudden urge to do the opposite of what my body wanted. Carefully ripping of the EKG stickers, I slid off the edge of the bed, the balls of my feet in agony, I stumbled my way there and barely landed on the green leather couch. Pulling myself into a fetus position I sat there silently adoring her. I found myself smiling. Although her mother was an alcoholic and used to beat her, Serena never gave in. Despite being young and vulnerable. People are easy to criticise a pretty face and say, she probably had it easy. Beauty is different than arrogance, but people seem to forget that.

 The reason we are called Beauty and the Beast is because in the original 1740 version of this tale, Beauty was being worked to the core for her family who mocked and wanted her dead. Her mother wanted her dead the most as she was a failed abortion from a man she didn’t love. Serena eventually moved in with me after her family left her to die behind some convenience store. For their convenience. And they called me Beast because after my mother died I wouldn’t accept anybody. Not even my own father who gave in to drugs a couple months afterwards, thankfully he’s doing rehab now. It was Serena who repaired my broken shell.

     ‘Jeez. You’re pretty’, I said out loud. Out of curiosity I hovered over to see if her breathing pattern changed. Nothing. But although the result isn’t what I wanted, it didn’t stop me from saying more embarrassing things.

     ‘The best gem of the rocks’.

     ‘The definite needle in the haystack’.

     ‘Most beautiful women I’ve ever laid eyes on’.

     ‘I wish you would be mine’.

Silence was my response. I gave up. Taking a deep disappointed breath, I forced myself up and began to stumble back to my bed. I frowned at the words I had just said, oh my word that was cheesy. Let’s not repeat any of those words again. If possible, I hope my memory erases this minute from my brain forever. I’m glad she’s asleep, never will she know the pain I will get from those words.

     ‘Y’know you can’t just blurt out those things to a girl. She might get the wrong idea and what kind of man stalks other people’.

     ‘Pretending to be asleep to avoid conversation isn’t very lady life either’, This line came out smoother, faster, and more aquiver than expected. I’m glad I was facing away because my face the even redder than cherries.

     ‘Were you serious earlier?’ the petite voice squeaked.

Earlier? What happened---Oh! I turned around with the speed of a snail. As I turned around I debated whether to blow what I said off, or to go through with it. I might have just been bursting with hormones earlier, or I could have legitimately wanted what I asked for. I had my answer the moment our eyes meet.

     ‘Yup’, I stated, walking forward ignoring all the physical pain, ‘But I won’t exactly force you into it’.

I sat down beside her, looking into each other eyes the entire time. I felt my heart flutter in a way I haven’t felt much. I slowly reached out my shaking hand and placed it softly on her face. Such smooth skin. I’m wondering if her face is redder or just as red as mine. I pulled closer until the tip of our noses touched.

     I pulled closer.

+

Part Two. Burn.

     The infamous jumping off a Four-story bridge to attempt to get a kiss (Which was never accomplished) from the girl turned into a full-blown news article. From time to time I pick up the dusty article and read it.

     HOW FAR WILL BOYS HORMONES GO! What a name.

A couple years have passed since then and life being how it is; both good and bad happened. Serena’s father returned wanting a new life with his daughter. At first Serena rejected her father and that was understandable. But it seemed that he genuinely wanted a new and renewed relationship with his daughter. She was seven when they left her. Fourteen when he came back and now eighteen when they are a family. No information has been leaked to what happened to her mother and six siblings. But going off Serenas fathers’ nightmares, something tragic took place.

And me? Well with Serena living with her father I had an emptier house than usual. My father noticed my loneliness (he works in real estate now and always seems to be busy) and introduced me to some of his friends’ children. Logan and Manuel. Beside these two sacks of hell I also made my new male best friend called Han. A refugee from the territories in the Middle East. At first, he was reserved and at every large noise he would jump and hide. But soon me, Logan, and Manuel found a connection with Han. Stories. We all decided that together we would change the entertainment industry for the better. In High School that’s all we did. We would get together and create stories on the spot under the night sky.

On the topic of dreams becoming a reality me and Serena tied the knot. Homecoming King and Queen. What a day. But putting all this nostalgia aside…

     ‘Hey, don’t zone out!’

     ‘Hm?’ I said on instinct. I looked around my eyes first landing on the podium decorated with large silver bubble letters. The overwhelming sound demeaning both of my ears. Looking down I was covered by the black gown making waves, piling on my shoes. Me being me I didn’t realize immediately where I was until the music began playing. It’s graduation day. The day where us kids have been promoted from eating cereal from a Bugs Bunny cereal bowl to paying taxes. I looked at the crowd that consisted of my fellow classmates, and my gaze slowly transitioned to her.

     ‘Just forgot that we were graduating, ain’t that funny?’

     ‘Yeah sure’, she said all the while staring forward, ‘We’ll talk later I want to hear Han’s speech’.

    I looked upwards realizing that I had been zoned out longer than I should have, ‘Damn straight’, I agreed wholeheartedly. The scared and scarred boy from the Middle East was now a man with his Associates and only needed two more years for his Bachelor’s degree. He was four years ahead of every single person at this school. Talking about Han, here he is.

He was the only one with a red gown and hat, he said it was in remembrance of his fallen brothers and sisters. Their blood pushed him forward. Han now stood in front of the massive crowd, he had a pile of papers in his hand, he showed them to the crowd, he then threw them to the crowd. I’m sure that this action was supposed to be a cool expression of rebellion. But it honestly looked kind of dumb.

Either way, even if I found my friends action dumb, the crowd loved it. Students and spectators alike and once again the roars of the crowd surrounded and wanted to burst my ear drums. This chaotic noise went on for a good thirty seconds. Han silenced them with a raised hand, the tattoo of the Cross on his palm. Silence was the new sound, after two minutes.

     ‘My fellow Americans’, he started, the once thick accent now grazed to nothing, ‘You have now passed your greatest challenge, High School. But like I said, we have passed one of your childhoods complex tests’. He pulled out a small box and slammed it on HIS podium. Not sure what it was, but, from down here the only thing that could be seen was the word, TROJAN.

     ‘Our new test is now adulthood. A merciless place where money is the best friend we could ever have. A society where it won’t matter how hard we work for something, if we don’t follow through how society says its supposed to be done, we are done for. A place where even the strong can consider suicide, a place where the strong HAVE committed suicide. But no matter what situations get thrown our way remember this. Legacy. I won’t say that all of us will end up getting a statue, but that within our families that we leave a legacy at the least. A legacy that our kid’s children will remember. A story where their kid’s children will tell stories of you to their kids. I don’t know about you, but I want to leave a legacy for my kids. I honestly already have’, he stopped for a second, taking a deep breath he continued, ‘As most of you know I am not from this state or country. I am from Iraq and my story starts after the U.S invaded my country and messed everything up. I am not shaming this country because it gave me an opportunity, but I am criticizing it. Born into an extremist Shia militia all I ever saw around me was death. At the age of five I held my first gun, and although I don’t like to remember it, at age six I shot my first human. I never knew if my bullet killed him all I do know is, is that I will never hold a gun again. My family managed to travel through the Kingdom of Iran finally ending up in Yemen, where we were taken in by a Houthi rebel group. The Houthi helped me, and my family cross the border, we suffered heavy casualties but when we made it to Somalia we were basically home free. I’ll spare you the details of the rest of my story. But now here I am a nineteen-year-old kid who is about three years ahead of my American classmates. As a boy I doubted I would make it past eight, but now here I am double the age I was sure I was going to die by. Now, as soon as I finish my education here I plan on returning to my war-torn country, and I will fix it. That will be my legacy. But what will be yours?’

The building was quiet letting his words resonate within. Then the crowd went crazy and once again Han only needed to raise his hand to calm the crowd, ‘Let us continue’.

     ‘We all know that our best friends in high school may one day end up being a stranger. We’ll walk past them on the streets of Brooklyn without even sharing a glance. Now although that’s sad don’t misunderstand me. Do not sacrifice your dreams just to keep in touch with your weed buddy. But, if you really want it, do not lose touch with those who both push and inspire you to do more. Those people who stay are their because God wanted them too, they are destined to be a part of your future’, I pulled Serena closer, giving her a small kiss on her forehead, ‘We are now a thing of the past. It’s our job to pave a path to the future for those coming up behind us. We have the responsibility to help the growing and carry on the dreams of the deceased. Don’t forget the people who made you what you are today’.

     The crowd roared, chanting his name. This time he didn’t raise his scarred hand.

After Hans speech everything went on smoothly. I got my diploma and graduated from High School. I told my old man, ‘We’re equals now’. He only laughed, but I felt a twinge of sadness in his laugh. We took a picture with my diploma, Serena holding the camera, and afterwards (At midnight since the entire day was saying goodbyes and taking pictures) we went to mother’s grave. It was a bittersweet night. My mother died when I was ten due to a failed triple bypass. She was no stranger to her heart being tampered with as when she was born a hole had appeared on her heart. As an adult she knew that she had maybe a couple of years left. The most tragic part being that she didn’t want to fall in love due to her unavoidable death. But it seems my father had some charm and managed to break her promise. She fell in love, got married, and managed to raise me the furthest she could. She is my hero and my idol. And her perseverance to survive just for me is her legacy and it’s exactly what I want to pass to my kids.

  Talking about kids.

     ‘What are your plans?’ I asked Serena. (This was a couple days after graduation day) We were beside a small pond sitting on a table mat she brought, and this mat was covered with food that I had cooked with the help of my father. For some reason my father was more invested to this entire process than I was. He had been watching a lot of a show called, Hells Kitchen. And as I was cooking he came into the kitchen and suddenly grabbed a spoon and began to taste test everything. I stood there looking like an idiot holding a fork up like it was some weapon. In the end he said it tasted like crap and we cooked everything again.

     ‘Plans?’ she repeated, ‘Glad you asked…Say, I know you’re curious about what happened to the rest of my family, right?

     ‘Of course, but why bring them up now?’ I said acting like I wasn’t curious where in reality the creative factor in my mind was already producing possible outcomes. Some of them involving aliens and cows.

     ‘Because it influenced my dream’, she stood up, her eyes staring at the bright moon, ‘See here, mother beat me because she was an alcoholic but, even if she was the incarnation of evil something made her that way. I found out that at the same time she was raising me and other six she was taking classes to become a teacher. Her being rejected constantly eventually broke her soul. So, she beat me, and me being a child that wasn’t my fathers he never went against her. I honestly don’t understand why Dad never left her even if she was unfaithful. Anyways, the moment she was ripped away of her degrees she decided to leave me. Turns out that one of the neighbours saw her beat me and reported her. Hence her losing all she wanted because of me. My father agreed at first, but it seems that on the road he found God. It’s crazy how the most sinful person one Earth suddenly wanted to become a prophet. He found God and tried to get the rest of the family to convert their sins to blessings. My mother kicked him out the family and like to me, she left him to die. Hence, him coming back here and raising me’.

     My eyes widened. The words of Han resounded in my ears, Legacy. In the same way my mother is my biggest role model Serenas role model might be her father. Turning his life around the way he did.  

     ‘I bet if mother had someone to talk to she could have ended up differently. So, I want to become a therapist. Somebody people can talk to, somebody people can vent to. I want to help people sort out their problems. I want to help people’.

I smiled and not just at her words. But at the bright shine in her eyes. I switched glances from her eyes to the sky. What a great day.

+

     ‘Alright Manuel, Han, and Logan’, I said standing above them while holding a fake Oscar in my right hand, ‘I want to thank my best friends for giving me hope and encourage---’

     ‘No! That’s where we stop’, Logan interrupted me. Holding his Kool-Aid in a very threatening position, ‘I get that sometimes these speeches are cheesy and what not, but don’t make it weird’.

     I frowned in a joking way, ‘The hell? Oscar speeches are the epitome of cheesy speeches. But Logan if you really want to I’ll just exclude you and just leave these two in my speech’. I pointed my Kool-Aid at him, squeezing it so the red diabetes filled drink would shoot towards Logan like a spear. He simply moved Manuel in the way ruining his Hawaiian shirt. The lot of them had a small Kool-Aid fight, and since Serena bought me this shirt I hid behind the truck.

     ‘Ok’, Han said while rinsing of his shirt, nobody mentioned it but there were multiple scars over his chest and back, ‘Let’s get back to the topic. Who’s going to get recognized first?’

     All four of us raised our hands. I’m still behind the truck. We looked at each other in silence, not awkwardly, and simply absorbed this moment. Here were four boys who had massive dreams. All of us had learnt the hard way that children are like play dough, if properly structured they can be beautiful works of art.

     ‘So, it’s about twelve at night… Who’s dropping all of us back home?’ Manuel asked in a drowsy voice.

     ‘Don’t be a spoilsport’, I said, ‘The nights barely started’.

In the end the four of us ended up all scratched up as Han discovered a game he fell in love with. Slender Man. He brought flashlights and everything, this man really wanted to play this game. So many events happened in this game. The most banter highlights being; Manuel falling asleep and a pack of squirrels ended up cuddling beside him. Logan crapped his pants since Han scared him so bad. Han discovered he had a skill for manipulating people as he set up a trap for me. The nice shirt ended up being soaked in Kool-Aid.

This night will be one we reminisce on forever. As adults who come together at barbeques, and as old men who will banter on their rocking chairs as their grandkids enjoy themselves in their front lawn.

+

 I was at home relaxing with my father, playing Rayman on the PS2. I had a couple of weeks before college classes started so I was just living the easy life. My heart fluttering at the possibilities of what can happen next. In my work life, personal life, social life, but most of all I was excited for my love life. After a while of playing Rayman I told my dad if we could take a break. He agreed saying my skills as a gamer weren’t as good as his. I smirked and went into my room to work. I pulled out paper and pen and wrote down my thoughts. My proposal thoughts. My dad caught me writing down plans for how I was going to propose. Me being me I instantly balled the papers in my fists and dove head first to my bed, hiding the papers under my Dragon Ball inspired pillow. After ten minutes of nagging (he literally took a chair from my closet and sat there saying, ‘Let me see it’) I gave in. He laughed and joked about my plans, but he had a massive smile on his face. I also saw the shadow of mom right beside him, I so wanted her to see these plans. But, life is how it is.

     Plan: Catch her by surprise and invite her to Japan. She says yes, we go. Enjoy life there and on last day when we walk through the cherry trees. Propose. Says yes? Obviously, the plan was more elaborate, but this was the basic point.

 After me and my dad had a good laugh and a deep talk about love, I got a message. This may sound childish, but, I can’t be the only one who gets Goosebumps when they get a message. It may just be me, but I feel like getting a text is like an invitation to adventure. I mean, what if you’re expecting a text from a homie then suddenly get invited to Russia to ride on Polar Bears! Very likely to happen, by the way.

I picked up the phone and saw the message was from my woman crush Wednesday. I read the message with a light feeling in my heart. It simply said, come over, parents aren’t home.

I grinned and texted back, you know I’m not that type of person. But if I bring over my PS2 I’d gladly go.

     Ten seconds later. Does anyone else wait to text back just to not seem clingy?

     Haha, no don’t bring it we just got to talk.

     I shrugged and texted back, Ok sure I’ll be there soon, love you!

Leaving everything I simply motioned to dad that I was heading out. Swinging the door wide open I plopped onto my bike and pedalled as hard as I could. But as I neared my destination I began to have a sinking feeling. There were trucks outside, not small ones but the ones specifically for moving. For leaving.

      As soon as I was close enough I rushed off my bike, my bike had a mind of its own and kept going onward, I entered the building. Boxes everywhere with sharpie writings on them. Accessories. Jewellery. Clothes. All the things required to move. From the entrance of the empty building I saw Serena walk down the stairs, and I must have given her a very desperate look. As she ran towards me embracing me in her warm arms.

     ‘I meant to tell you earlier, but with all the goodbyes I couldn’t bring myself to tell you’, I was wearing a cotton shirt. So when the waterworks began my shirt absorbed them. Serena is light, but now in my hands I almost fell beneath the weight. I didn’t have the strength to say goodbye.

     ‘If you’re moving, how far then?’ I forced myself to say.

     ‘…New York’, her voice barely audible. My mind began calculations from here to New York. Conclusion; to damn far.

     ‘So, the conversation the other day was preparing me for this. I guess… New York has the college you need’.

     ‘…Affirmative. I want to help people, but I also need to leave some. Please, forgive me!’ she bawled on my shirt.

I could tell she was serious about this. Of course, I don’t want to see her leave, but I have no right to deny her dreams. I looked at a mirror that was installed onto the wall, Serenas father was in the reflection on the verge of calling her over, he stopped and turned around. The truck beside him revved and ready to go. I thought about the possibility of convincing her to find some college closer to home. The dreams of Japan beginning to fade, just how the cherry leaves fall to the floor and get swept away by the wind. She was clinging on to me like as if I was her last life line. My heart sank at this scene, I bet I could convince her to stay but do I really have the right to? She wants to help people like her mother and if this place does not provide what she needs its only natural to look for more. She needs to do this.

      I swallowed my pride and lust.

     ‘Hey man! I know this is sad but what kind of human would I be to halt your dreams? Go! Make those dreams a reality and later we’ll talk. Sound good?’

Serena looked up with a gigantic, sad smile plastered on her face, ‘I don’t deserve you!’

I squeezed her closer, ‘Maybe you don’t’. Not sure why those words came out I looked forwards the window, a massive shadow was beginning to cover us.

+

Part 3. Growing up.

My feet were exhausted from all the pedalling to the mail house. It had been two years since she left and although it hurt for her to leave, we had been keeping in touch, so it wasn’t all bad. Each Sunday a letter would be at the mail house waiting for me from Serena: the most beautiful woman in the world. Although lately the routine had slowed a tad bit.

Me, Logan, Manuel, Han, and now a new friend named Deluca applied for the same college. Now one step closer to our dream.

     The wind was being very annoying today so by the time I reached the mail house I was ready to collapse. I parked my bike at the entrance of the building. Opening the door, the fresh smell of paper penetrated my nostrils, it honestly smells great. Upon entry there were rows of massive bookcases containing both paper and soon to be delivered mail. I sped my way through the hallways looking for my address. I soon found it and could feel my heart beating like crazy as soon as I touched the metal casing.

     I opened it excited to see its contents. But nothing was there.

     ‘That’s weird, usually her mails are here by this time’, I whispered to myself. I took a glance to my fake designer watch, 8:30. It should be here. For some reason the image of another male holding her flashed in my head. I stopped in my tracks. But then smacked myself, not too hard because I love myself, but I needed to remind myself that she’s also working hard to achieve her dreams. I slowly walked back out to the hallway compensating what to do next. At this time, I felt my phone vibrating, I picked it up and simply clicked the end call button. Sorry but I need to focus on this dire situation. I sat down and kept an eye on the mailmen coming in and out the mail house. My phone kept vibrating but I didn’t answer since the caller was Logan (who probably wanted me to pick him up because he was just dumped by another girl. Not today Logan. Drink your sorrows away with somebody else.)

     After two minutes of ignoring calls and keeping an eye out for mailmen heading into my alleyway I was about to give up and come later. I stood up, a little too fast, and received a phone call once again. I sighed in defeat and having no reason not to answer, I answered.

     ‘What’s good?’

     ‘Hey ge---!’

I didn’t hear the rest of his words because it was at this exact moment I saw a single lone mailman walk into my alleyway.

     ‘Sorry! Call you later!’ I hung up and sped walked to my alleyway. For some reason I felt like I had just done something terrible, but at this moment all I had in mind was reading Serenas words.

     To the poor mailman I must have been the wolf from Woody Wood Pecker, picking up speed and then digging my soles onto the marble floor making a loud and annoying squeaky sound that echoed through the large building.

     ‘Woah, woah, woah!’ the mailman said backing up to avoid my top speeds, ‘The hell you running so fast for?’

     ‘There any mail for me?’ I got straight to the point, my feet moving up and down for no apparent reason. Many people do this, jog in place expecting movement to happen.

     He gave me a strange look before scanning his bag of mail, ‘Uh. No, I got nothing for you. You are Levertoure, right?’

     ‘The one and only’, I stated, ‘Now, could you please check again?’

     ‘Sure’, he checked again, ‘No kid I got nothing for you’.

     My heart sank, ‘You sure because I learned that with aging comes certain negative effects on the eyes’.

     He slammed the mail back into his bag, ‘Your funny, but don’t tell me how to do my job’.

     ‘Oh’, I took a step back, ‘I didn’t mean it in a rude way, I just want to make sure your eyes aren’t h---’

     ‘Get out!’

I ended up getting kicked out. I sighed in exhaustion, what a morning.  

Welp, looks like there’s no note from her today.

      I walked off, completely forgetting about my bike, the sun shining brightly and the breeze wafting through my hair.

What a beautiful day.

+

     Manuel pushed me down to the wet concrete. Groaning and in mental, physical, but mostly emotional pain I looked up. The images of my friend’s face contorted by rage will forever be imbedded into my mind.

     ‘The hell man!’ I shouted as I forced myself up, ‘You told me to suddenly come to your house and as soon as I do you push me down! Why are you so mad!’

     Logan appeared from behind Manuel, his face the same as my other dear friend, ‘I called you about a dozen f****ng times! And I know you were getting them, so you had no reason not to answer! Do you even know what happened?!’

     I was genuinely terrified. My heart beat was so intense I could feel it shake my entire body. My chronic headaches decided to come back in the worst time. My body felt numb and my mouth had so much to say but no guts to say it for the looks Manuel, Logan, and Deluca were bloodlust.

     ‘Alright fine! I’m sorry about not picking up but please, tell me what the hell happened?!’ I barely managed to get these words out without bursting into tears.

     The trio all looked down, staying silent. The only sounds were the peaceful rain landing on the concrete. Birds chirping in the trees feeding their children. The sounds of squirrel’s feet pouncing on the road bringing in food, so they could survive. Insects stuck to the walls and windows of people seeking refuge unwilling to die. Everybody wants to live, even the lowest of organisms.

     Logan was the first to speak, ‘Han died’.

     Silence.

The words went in one ear and out the other. Han? Dead? What a bad joke! I felt a confused smirk arise on my bruised face. Han. The child who transferred here from his war-torn country, is dead. The kid who stood up for me when I was being harassed for being motherless. The boy who achieved the best grades in middle and high school despite having all the odds against him and putting aside his out of country problems Han also suffered PTSD, that Han died! The man who had plans to return to his war-torn home and save it, that man is dead? What a f*****g joke!?

     ‘Han is dead?!’ I laughed hysterically, like a mad man, ‘No way! He wouldn’t die! Stop playing this sick joke!’ I stepped back and began to shout for Han, suspecting he was probably hiding somewhere waiting to pounce on me, ‘Come out you f****r! I know you’re there!’ My eyes were widening and as I refused to close them no matter how much water was entering them, they were becoming bloodshot.

     ‘Han come ou---!’

     ‘Shut up!’ Logan took one step and slugged me, hard. But the part that hurt most was the violence in his words.

     He grabbed me by the collar before I could fall and brought me closer to his enraged face, now that I was closer I could see how he truly felt. His eyes red and puffy from all the crying. Obvious claw marks scrapped across his cheeks, probably from himself. And as I saw him through the corner of my stinging eyes I saw marks on his wrists.

     ‘Two nights ago, Han got involved in some deep stuff and ended up with a fractured head in the hospital! Yesterday morning he wanted all his closest friends to be with him in his last moments! You were the only who wasn’t there! He wanted you there so bad and you were off doing something else, he even repeated our names in his last moment of life! You didn’t deserve to be mentioned!’ spit flying from his mouth, Manuel and Deluca behind him were beginning to sob, ‘Were you at that damn mail house? Serena always sends letters to you on Sundays… you spent time there waiting for some w***** letter than being with Han!’

     ‘Shut the hell up’, a ball of fire erupted inside of me, but for the wrong reasons, ‘She loves me, and I love her! She is no w****!’ my enraged face against his. Man, against man. Hypocrisy against bravery.

     He let go of me, the back of my head hitting the concrete. He now stood above me, joining him in his spot as a monarch was my best pals. The people who I grew up with and wanted to die with, now stood against me.

     ‘Fine’, Deluca said, ‘You keep living your lie’, Deluca was the first to disappear from my blurry vision and soon the other two followed. I was left with the image of the grey sky punishing me. I got up to my knees and watched them walk away. The rain making them harder to see the further they got and soon they disappeared. Not just from my vision, but, also from my life.

     After a while although my heart hurt my body began to heal. Is stood up and looked at my hand, covered in mud. The rain seemed soaked my entire body but seemed to be unwilling to wash away the filth on my hands.

     ‘I love you, Serena’, I said desperately, ‘And… you love me…right?!’ my voice broke, ‘W- What am I saying, of course you do!’ I began to laugh but soon the sound of laughter turned into despair as I realized my happy life had just ended. My first death.

Memories of my former friends replayed in my mind. The times we laughed together---Our dreams! The five of us wanted to help the children of the future, we had so many plans! Now all of them thrown to the hottest pits of hell and for what!? The memories of Serena played in my head. From the time where father brought her to our house the only thing covering her was muddied table cloth. The time our first kiss was interrupted by my father. To the peaceful moment we had at the pond. What was the point of everything I had ever done?

Love does bring people closer together, this is a great feeling. But it also hell on Earth.

-

The door closed behind them. The pair rushed into the bedroom clothes already flying off. The half-naked woman grasped at the man’s neck and held him close as he grazed her smooth skin. The man pulled back and looked at her. Love apparent in both their bright and young eyes.

All I want, she thought, is him. She brought him closer and as soon as they landed on the bed their lips touched. His tough lips and her smooth silk lips coming together. Their lips touched, their tongues intertwined, and their heart beats were just as loud as the other. She pulled away.

     ‘We can go all the way if you want’, Serena whispered. Already reaching into her bra strap.

     The man smiled innocently, ‘Sounds great… but what about that note?’

Serena looked sideways to the blank white notecard on her desk. A desk covered with bongs, drugs, needles and all other nasty stuff. She had once wanted to become a great therapist, the need for helping people would run through her veins. But as she became entranced by the party lifestyle that college introduced to her she began to change. She was consumed by the people around her, consumed by their lust for anything but responsibility. In fact, each time she was tempted to do something against her moral code she thought of her old lover. But when she met the man she is with now, she felt a different type of feeling. Her old lover kept her alive and nurtured her, but, this man fully allowed her to live her life. She loved this man for teaching her that.

     Her mind wandered back into her childhood: specifically, to her old lover. She remembered all the laughs they shared, the tears they shed, and the embraces they had. Levertoure was once a major part in her life and she’ll admit it herself that if it wasn’t for him and his father, she would have died as a child. Levertoure was a kind soul who would do anything for her and she loved him for it. But they were so far away that it was only natural that contact with each to fade out. She looked at the pack of unopened heart stickers she used to use. She smiled, but soon snorted.

    ‘Don’t be silly’, she flirted, facing back, ‘That was in the past and I’m looking to the future. A future with you’.

     ‘You sure?’

She kissed him to shut him up, pulling away she whispered, ‘Yes. This is better’.

+

Part Four. Grown Up.

After my friends left me I constantly had suicidal thoughts. I sneak away from my dorm deliberately and go behind the restrooms to hurt myself. Soon after Hans death, I was dropped from my college due to my lacking grades, also I couldn’t face them anymore.  I was twenty when Han died, now I am twenty-four. A pathetic four years have passed.

On another note I found Serenas social media page, turns out she got married to this other dude. The man had a large beard with his black hair tied into a ponytail. At first the sight of how they smiled when with each other hurt but after I got used to physical pain, nothing hurt anymore. I never got the energy to write her and she never wrote anything to me. I don’t hate her. I’m just done.

I got up from my scratchy bed and as I stepped down I felt the cold covers of adult magazines, the hot tips of cigarette buds, and the spheres of prescription drug cases. Anything to escape reality. Walking over to my small stool I extended a note I had written the day before. To put it bluntly it was my suicide note. I grabbed my cloak and exited the room, note in my pocket.

     It was Christmas Eve and I was all alone wandering the crowded streets left to reminisce about my tragic life.

I never got invited to Hans funeral. His cause of death was by a blunt object being stuck on his skull, murder. Han always sent money to his family in Somalia and this time he happened to be short. To add to his despair one of his cousins had been kidnapped and the abductees wanted a ransom and Han being himself, he decided to get enough money by himself to pay off the entire ransom. And to get this money he went to extremes. He survived two weeks in the world of human trafficking, torture, and drugs. This was nothing completely new but it’s only natural that he wouldn’t be as smooth as he was before. He almost had enough money to pay off the entire ransom. But on his last deal the buyer made a mistake and being caught by his presumed boss he shifted the blame to Han. Thus, him dying to human sloth.

Logan had started his own film company. Although his first movie wasn’t a box office hit he posted this on his Twitter, ‘This is not the end. I failed and that is final. But a friend once told me that I had to leave a legacy and that is exactly what I will do’. His current movie is now being considered for an Oscar.

Manuel became a screenwriter for children’s television. He had more success than any of us since now he is married and is awaiting the birth of his child. This man has forever embedded his legacy towards his children.

Deluca wasn’t as fortunate. After a falling out with his family he dropped out of university and joined the army. He is now fighting terrorist in the Middle East. The place Han wanted to save.

    And me? I had my dreams shattered and have been living pathetic life ever since, not even bothering to attend my father’s funeral. He died due to a sudden heart attack.

I sighed and looked forward. And as expected there was the once love of my life. There was Serena. My heart should have exploded, and my eyes should have widened, but instead I sadly smiled. I knew she was going to be here as she posted it on her social media. I just wanted to see her one last time. To say that I didn’t want to see the image of us running into each other’s arms embracing each other, would be a lie. But as we walked closer I saw how happy she seemed to be with this man. How her eyes lit up and how she smiled and was tranced by each word he said. What kind of human would get in the way of that? I tried to avoid her, but it seems that our eyes met suddenly.

    ‘Have I seen you before?’, a nice and beautiful woman asked me, stopping in her tracks. Her body the colour of almonds, smooth black hair slicked perfectly down which rolled over her well-developed body, her black eyes piercing anything they saw.

     ‘Uh’, I stammered, unsure of what to say, ‘I don’t believe so’. My face seemed to be full of joy and sincerity, but, my hands were shaking inside my cloak which has been smouldered by the smell of smoke.

     ‘Oh!’ she exclaimed, ‘My bad for disturbing you. Have a good day’, she awkwardly threw me a smile as she and the man beside her headed towards the lit Christmas tree; where every family and couple were gathering at. I stared for a bit. I sighed and kept walking with my head down on this frigid winter night.

     Well here I am. I got on the bridges edge and stared at the water, it was almost inviting. This is very nostalgic, bridges and water. But this time nobody was going to save me, not even myself. I turned around and took one last look at the horizon where a bright tree pierced through the darkness outside, but not the darkness inside. I smiled and hopped backwards.

As I fell many memories flooded into my brain; both good and bad. Logan, Manuel, Deluca, Serena, and even that man who took the love of my live; I hope you all live a great life.

     Legacy.

Huh, I found myself thinking. The wind picking up speed. The hell is that noise?

    Legacy.

Oh. Hans most memorable words. We graduates were meant to leave a legacy and I know most of us had… but what about me?

As the thought began to process through my head I felt the sudden and devasting impact on my scarred back. The wind was sucked out of my lungs and I felt the instant effect of the weighted belt, socks, and wrist bands. My heart raced against my weakened lungs, it so wanted oxygen! I saw the once calm water violently surround me and drag me down. My body squirmed as I was dragged underwater the darkness surrounding me. My eyes burning still managed to see the moon the bright full moon was out on this fateful night. I looked over my shoulder and saw only darkness, a pit of nothing. Only the colour black will keep me company, if I allowed it. Legacy. I hadn’t left a legacy on this world yet, I haven’t done s*** yet! I panicked and looked at the weighted objects on me. I didn’t leave a legacy and I’m about to die for nothing but my own moping! My lungs begging for air, my heart racing against time, my skin freezing due to the water, and my eyes stinging I scrapped at the weighted wristband. As I saw them sink to the bottom of the water I felt myself become lighter, both figuratively and literary. I had no time left. My body was beginning to give out, but I forced myself to swim upwards. My heart racing faster than the speed of light. My eyes stinging as if a bee had stung the pupil itself.  My skin freezing and becoming blue. And my lungs yearning and lusting for air. Please God let me make it! I was getting closer to the surface but just as I my fingers broke the water I felt my lungs stop, as my heart. My eyes stopped. As did my body.

     But I managed to get a single hand clawed into the dirt beside me, but it was weak. I felt the last of my energy fade away.

 But once again my mother saved me. The image of her on the hospital bed, the sound of the heart monitor dying flashed through my mind. She died a long time ago. But in her dying moments she held my hand as tight as she could and smiled. Her smile was the most precious thing I witnessed as a child. My mother could have given in to the sweet taste of death as soon as I was born. But she denied her destiny, refusing to die just so she could see me grow up… I can’t believe I was just about to throw her sacrifice away! With the image of both my mother and father I dug my bloody nails deep into the soil and running on nothing but pure willpower I pulled myself up with one hand.

     My head broke the surface with no air left in my lungs I yelled with all my might and threw myself onto the scarred ground. My heart began to beat again, I felt my body regain its strength slowly. I allowed myself to relax there for a couple of minutes.

     Once my eyes worked again I was greeted by a clear sky with bright dots scattered like milk over a canvas. I felt tears from in my eyes and although hypocritical, I began to laugh hysterically while crying like a baby. I was crying from sadness because of what other beings I almost just killed; my mothers will for me to live. I was also laughing from joy because God had just given me a second chance at life. And although this life will not consist of people I adored and loved in part one of my life.

It does not mean part two will need to suffer. I picked myself up and slowly walked up the small hill that lead to a newly paved road. Once on it I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and let it out in a single breath. When I opened them, I saw the ghost of all my comrades. Logan. Deluca. Manuel. Han. Serena. They seemed to be waiting for me, but I smiled and shook my head. It was time to part ways.

Turning the opposite way, I felt myself falter and about to lose my footing. But I regained my posture and stayed on my feet. Sure, it would be hard, but I knew that this new path I was taking, was the right path. All I need to do now is plant one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

Slowly, but steadily.