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A Walk in the Park

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A Walk in the Park
One day, there were two people walking in the park on June 14, 1945. Sally and John were madly in love with each other and planned to spend the rest of their lives together. They weren’t married however, they still wanted children. They were both very happy until one day something bad happened.
Sally and John decided they wanted to go to the park for a walk. They ended up staying out until about eleven thirty at night. Sally was having the time of her life. She was on break from college for the summer. Sally is a beautiful, twenty year old. She was wearing a pink and black sun dress with black high heels, a sun hat, and a little black purse. She had brown curly hair and a face you couldn’t stop starring at. Sally goes to college full time. She loves school and plans on becoming a teacher, when she finishes college. Sally is very good with children, which is why she wants to have her own. She would love to have a little girl to spend time with in the garden. Sally’s mother died when she was young and she never knew her father.
John is twenty-one, he was wearing a blue suit and isn’t very handsome, but Sally loves him just the way he is. John has black hair and it parts on the side. John owned his own diner called “John’s Diner,” which brought him a lot of business and tons of money for himself and Sally. John is a nice guy. He likes children just as much as Sally and hopes one day they can have children of their own. John is extremely happy with his job and enjoys every minute of his life.

One night John and Sally were home sleeping when all of a sudden they heard a noise. John told sally not to worry that it was probably just a cat or some other animal outside, so she fell back asleep. The next morning they woke up to find that they have been robbed. From then on, every time they went somewhere they always checked to see if someone was selling any of their things. They recovered some of their items, but not all of them. The person who stole their stuff swore revenge on Sally and John, they just brushed if off like it wasn’t a big thing. A few days later, John and Sally went out for a walk in the park. They came home around eleven thirty that night, everything seemed to be okay. As the night passed, they kept hearing noises, such as people talking outside their home. John went to check, but no one was there. They weren’t really sure what was going on. John liked to joke about what the guy had said to them just a few days before and it seemed to scare Sally. She didn’t like to be home alone; which forced John to close his diner and stay home with her every night.
As the nights passed strange things kept going on outside their home John, of course, pushed it off like it was nothing, until one night, the guy that had stolen their stuff broke into their house again. This time he was not after their things; he was out for blood. As he walked up the stairs, he could hear them breathing. He pulled out a bandana and put it over sally’s mouth so she wouldn’t scream, then he slit her throat, and left. The next morning John woke up to find the love of his life dead in the bed next to him. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to go to the police because he didn’t want them to think he did it and put him in jail, or worse, kill him. He called the police anyways, he had no where to put the body of dear Sally. The police had a feeling that John wasn’t the one who did it due to the fact of what the guy had said to them before. When the cops went to the guy’s house, they found that he had packed his bags and left town. They sent someone out to find him. When the cops caught up to the man, they found out that it was her long lost father. He was jealous because she had everything he had ever wanted. He wanted to make her pay. Her father was killed soon after the trial. They hung him to make him pay for what he had done to his own daughter.
As time passed, John became more and more depressed and then one day when no one was around, he killed himself because he could no longer spend the rest of his life with the only girl he ever loved. To this day on June 27th, John wonders the Earth searching for his one true love that he had lost so many years ago. People say that it isn’t true, but others claim that they have seen him walking around, searching, trying to find his dear Sally.



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Paige739 said...
Dec. 10, 2012 at 10:48 am:
The story has the potential to be so good! I noticed that you jump from past to present tense a lot, and your sentences are really choppy. Also, I wasn't sure why the theif wanted revenge; it felt like that was thrown in there. Just keep working on giving the story a little more structure and it'll be great!(:
 
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