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“My Lady, Octavian is here.” Neferura, my only loyal servant was in a panic. “It will only be a matter of time before he finds you here.”

“I won’t hide any longer. Bring my paints, my best red sheath and my most expensive jewelry. I’ve charmed two Roman men; there’s no reason I can’t charm this one too.”

Neferura bowed, then ran out of the mausoleum I had been hiding in for the past few months. Had it really only been a couple of months since everything had gone wrong? Our fleet was destroyed at Actium, Mark Antony committed suicide and now the Emperor had arrived in Egypt. If I couldn’t charm Octavian like I charmed Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, then I would soon return to my mausoleum as a corpse.

Neferura soon returned with all the things I had requested. She helped me wriggle out of my plain white sheath and into my sumptuous red one that left little to imagination. Then she brushed my tangled black hair, pinned it up and slipped my wig of a hundred ringlets into place. I sat very still as she outlined my eyes in kohl, used henna to redden my lips and covered the dark circles under my eyes with powder. From the small selection of jewelry she brought, I chose a silver circlet with a huge red jasper stone that hung on my forehead, bracelets of electrum, a belt of moonstones and rings of lapis lazuli. I looked at myself in the small bronze mirror Neferura brought and smiled. I looked perfect, as usual. Now all I had to do was make Octavian agree.




“You manipulated a good Roman man into turning against his own country.”

“Me? I am just a woman. What influence could a woman have over a strong Roman man?”

Octavian spluttered at my words; he was not buying into my story. And he definitely wasn’t falling for my body like Julius and Mark had. My intelligence only threatened him, so that definitely wasn’t helping my case. Time for Plan B.

“You need a powerful ally in Egypt; I can maintain control over my people. Let me remain Pharaoh and Rome will reap the rewards.”

For the first time in our meeting, Octavian smiled. “Cleopatra, you are an intelligent woman. Tell me why would I need a powerful ally in the newest Roman province?”

“You’re annexing Egypt?” I gasped.

“Of course. I have no wish to quell the rebellion of yet another tempestuous Eastern Queen.” He snapped his fingers. “Take her away, but do not harm her. I wish to display her at my triumph when I return.”

The Roman guards marched me at sword point to a tiny room in the palace that had been a guest room. Before they locked me away for good, I turned to face them and suggestively lifted my sheath to reveal my right calf. One of the soldiers hesitated, but the other pushed me into my prison and slammed the door behind me. To my surprise, Neferura was there, setting up a simple cot by the door. Seeing me, she bowed before speaking.

“I convinced the guards to let me tend to you. My Queen, what are you going to do now?”

“I am going to deny Emperor Octavian his greatest prize.” I smiled reassuringly to hide the fact I was ready to break down and cry. “I don’t care how you do it, but bring me an asp. I’m going to die with the honour that befits the last Pharaoh of Egypt.”

Neferura nodded and I could see the tears in her deep brown eyes. I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug, a huge breech of station on my part. But I didn’t care; I was about to die and I needed to thank her for her complete loyalty to me. I felt the tears run down my face, but I let them flow. After all, if I had my way, I was not long for this world.




After Neferura retouched my makeup, I was ready. She had smuggled the asp past the guards by hiding it in a basket of figs. I reached in the figs and nearly smiled in triumph when my fingers closed around the asp’s cool, smooth body. It hissed as I pulled it out of the basket. Good, it was already annoyed at being kept under the heavy figs.

Its eyes stared coldly at me as I stroked its head, enticing it to bite me. Finally, it struck my wrist with lightning speed. I bit my tongue to keep from crying out in pain. When the snake let go, I quickly dumped it in the fig basket and put the lid on it. I didn’t want it to slither out and bite Neferura, my only friend left.


Within minutes, my breathing became laboured. I lay down on the bed and carefully composed myself. I was going to die with dignity, the way a Pharaoh should. My last breaths were steeped in agony, yet I was strangely happy. I had thwarted Octavian, denying him his greatest prize.

But my happiness didn’t last long. The gods in Judgment Hall were calling for me, Queen Cleopatra, the last and greatest Pharaoh.



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This article has 220 comments. Post your own!

HappySappyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 2 at 8:30 pm:
This is an amazing portrayal of Cleopatra. I love historical fiction and read it often, and I have to say that this piece was very well done!
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 3 at 12:17 am :
Thanks!  I'm always glad to hear from a fellow fan of historical fiction.  I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
 
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RegiaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 13 at 10:44 am:
Perfectly written. I loved your portrayal of Cleopatra. She was easy to sympathize with, realistic, and the entire story was so very historically accurate. Cleopatra was always one of my favourite people in history. Very well-written! 
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 3 at 12:16 am :
Thanks for commenting! :)  But I'm afraid that after I posted this, I learned that not all of it was historically accurate.  The character of Neferura is Cleopatra's actual handmaidens, Charmian and Iras combined.  And of course we don't know what Cleopatra wore when she died.
 
RegiaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 3 at 8:20 am :
:) Well, naturally, you're kind of expected to change small things like that when you write about history. But I don't think you really changed anything too major. The truth of the story and the important things were still there. 
 
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Doves_and_RavensThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 12 at 8:34 am:
Did you base this all on historical facts? It is amazingly written.
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 12 at 7:23 pm :
I based it on what information I had at the time. Her attire and what kind of snake (as well as if it actually was a snake or poison) are up to debate. But she actually did ask Octavian: "Me? I am just a woman. What influence could a woman have over a strong Roman man?" Thanks for taking the time to comment!
 
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Lillie M. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 12 at 7:34 am:
Loved this! You make her seem to realistic. It must've been hard to write, since she is such a famous woman.
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 12 at 7:24 pm :
Actually, it wasn't that hard to write. Cleopatra's character spoke to me, so I just did a bit of preliminary research and wrote my heart out. Writing from a famous historical figure's point of view really isn't that intimidating.
 
Lillie M. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 13 at 2:09 am :
Yeah, I guess it's about finding what speaks to you! You really did a great job at it. And avoided clichés that people usually use when writing about Ancient Egypt.
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 13 at 8:07 am :
Thanks! I avoided the normal ancient Egypt cliches because 90% of them are historically inaccurate. I wanted to give an authentic experience and I think I did with this piece.
 
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Bri K said...
Feb. 1 at 5:37 pm:
I really like the picture you have. Its really cool. :D
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 1 at 6:09 pm :
Thanks! I'm really glad I found it in the first place. The artist who made it was very talented.
 
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bookreader said...
Feb. 1 at 2:25 pm:
I think this is a very good book because it had one of the best story lines I have read on this site.
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 1 at 6:08 pm :
Thank you! :) Which line was your favourite?
 
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Krissy F. said...
Jan. 31 at 1:39 pm:
This story was very good. The words you used to describe Cleopatra helped me visualize her very well.
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 31 at 9:01 pm :
Thank you! I put a lot of time into my descriptions.
 
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Jeret N said...
Jan. 31 at 1:39 pm:
You made a excellent choice to write in first person, who knows what was going through her head. I think it was a wonderful piece of litterature. Keep on writing!
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 31 at 9:01 pm :
Thanks! :) But I only wrote in first person because my writing sucks in third person.
 
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logan said...
Jan. 31 at 1:33 pm:
Your story is very inspiring.The climax is suspenceful.This peace is an amazing example of a wonderful young writer!
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 31 at 8:59 pm :
Thank you very much! :)
 
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Gökçe This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 27 at 5:13 am:
I think the queen being coward because she chooses th easy way but a great story.
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 27 at 7:57 am :
Thanks for commenting! :) And would you want to be paraded through the streets of Rome and strangled publicly? I think most people would commit suicide if that was their fate.
 
HilidanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 28 at 1:35 pm :
:) I wouldn't nor Cleopatra but she should, as a delegate of her country and people.
 
Joey C. replied...
Jan. 31 at 1:31 pm :
I think that was a phenoninal story because it had great words in there and I learned things in your story. Good job and good read.
 
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zech 11 said...
Jan. 26 at 9:47 am:
you r so cute and nice hi
 
jazzi replied...
Jan. 26 at 10:03 am :
wooooooooooooooow
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 26 at 3:27 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :)
 
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Wats Up said...
Jan. 26 at 9:45 am:
That was great I loved that story it tought mhe alot
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 26 at 3:26 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :)
 
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you don't know me said...
Jan. 25 at 11:27 am:
I loved it!!!!! :)
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 25 at 6:44 pm :
Thanks! :)
 
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Ellie_MichelleThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 17 at 6:17 pm:
Wow, this was a great story! I love historical fiction that lets you see what might have been in the mind of historical figures :) I actually didn't know much of anything about Cleopatra before, so thanks for enlightening me!
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 17 at 7:44 pm :
No problem! :) And thanks for commenting!
 
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crazywriter662This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 11 at 8:48 am:
I really liked this story. It gives you a brief glipse into Cleopatra's mind, and why she killed herself to save Egypt from Octavian. Very, very good!
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 11 at 6:01 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :) But killing herself was a way out of being paraded at Octavian's triumph, not a way to save Egypt.
 
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EtherealThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 1 at 1:59 pm:
I'm not usually a fan of historical fiction, but this is really great- you can see cleopatra's character, and the way you described things was very good. the dialogue seemed a little short though, I think she should have talked to octavius a little more.
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 1 at 5:43 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :)
 
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AngelsLullabyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 7:41 pm:
I think I've read this before lol. It's really good. I don't really like history but you wrote this really well. 5/5 stars :)
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 7:47 pm :
Thanks for commenting!
 
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Malsie8 said...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 6:54 pm:
Overall, a very strong story line! you definitely had an idea of where you were going with it, and a knowledge of the time, which is spectacular! The language and emotions you gave to cleopatra were believeable, yet at times, I could sense a little bit of your 21st century influence sneeking into certian phrases and wording within the work:( but overall, a very well written piece!
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 6:57 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :) And yes, I really need to watch my 21st century language.
 
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idc-wat-they-thinkThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 22, 2011 at 1:45 pm:
this was great i loved it keep writing :)
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 22, 2011 at 1:47 pm :
Thank you! :)
 
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KatieDeLavani said...
Dec. 20, 2011 at 7:30 pm:
A celver piece. The description was satisfying, the dialog intelligent, and the format inviting. Though it refrained from delving into a deep story, it reflected built personalities and was definitely worth the time. Continue writing!
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 20, 2011 at 7:31 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :)
 
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Aron Rogers said...
Dec. 19, 2011 at 10:14 am:
i hate this article! there is no point of it.
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 19, 2011 at 3:24 pm :
I'm sorry you feel that way.  Thanks for taking the time to comment! :)
 
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Andromeda said...
Dec. 17, 2011 at 9:48 pm:

I really enjoyed the story line, I've always liked historical fiction. I personally, do not like long dialogues so I liked the fact that the dialogue that was present was short and direct.

Your grammar and spelling had no issues that I could detect. The only wording that maybe was a bit awkward was "I was not long for this world", though I'm not sure if that was for a specific purpose.

Your story was descriptive without being wordy.

Overall I really liked your writing sty... (more »)

 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 17, 2011 at 9:50 pm :
Thanks for such a thoughtful comment!  I really appreciate it. :)
 
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