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Rosencrantz Speaks This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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      Hamlet, do me a favor and just sit still for a couple seconds. I guess you never learned your lesson at Wittenberg. I mean they always made you sit in the corner and wear that dunce hat for fidgeting. Sorry, I always forget that you are sensitive about that.

Anyway, Hammy, I need to talk to you. Don’t make that face, I need you to listen for once. I’m supposed to make sure you don’t go jump off a cliff, but how come no one follows me to check up on me? Right, because I’m not a psychopath who talks to himself in the corners of an enormous castle. I don’t understand you; you are the prince of Denmark, and you act like the son of the maid.

Do you want to know something else, Hamstring? You never do anything decisively. You need to think about every possibility a million times over before making a move. That’s why things escape so easily from you. Do you remember that girl from school? What was her name ... Roselyn? You better remember her because I surely do. I recall your feeble attempt to court her. It was hilarious! Looking at the ground you would ask her, “Wh-wh-where is the bathroom?” And she would reply, “The same place where it was yesterday, right behind you.” There’s something I have to tell you Ham-omelet - I might have had a thing with Roselyn. She was irresistible. I had a lot of fun with her a couple of nights, but of course, she could not find out I was connected to you or else she would think I was like you. Occasionally, she would mention a strange lad who crashed into things trying to follow her around. I knew that was you. Honey Ham, you are too slow with the girls, and with everything else, I might add.

Your mother actually thinks you studied at Wittenberg! Poor queen, if she knew that you only made it through because Guildenstern and I did all the work for you. Your philosophical ventures are mere excuses for your permanent state of laziness! If it weren’t for us, you would not have passed. By the way, you never did thank us.

Ham-cake, you really need to live a little. You are uptight and you let opportunities pass by. Not to rub it in, but I know you have a thing with that cutie, Ophelia. Take it easy. Fine, I won’t call her a cutie, but sit still because I’m not finished. When I arrived here at Elsinore, she was complaining about you constantly - how you are strange and fickle with her, and have constant mood swings. You do not know how to treat a lady, but don’t worry about Ophelia. Don’t get hysterical, it’s nothing serious. Besides, she’s crazy about you, literally. I’m setting her straight for you, you know, with a little more experience. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her. Really, what would you do without me?

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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Liv.HarrisThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 1:35 pm:
Oh my god thanky uo so much for writing this...I can't even...rofl XD!!!!
 
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CrashBagPhotoThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 14, 2013 at 11:56 am:
Hamlet is my favorite play, and when I first saw this, I was all, "Oh no they didn't go messing with my Hamlet!" then I read it and died laughing. You did him good, my friend. You did him good...
 
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Deej6595 said...
Nov. 26, 2013 at 5:42 pm:
This is funny. I have never read Hamlet but, I know the concept and I think this is a really good historical fiction piece.
 
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Snowy99 said...
Aug. 27, 2013 at 2:34 pm:
This is really good!  I like the nicknames, and just the whole idea!
 
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RelativetoWriting said...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 11:13 am:
I like how you give this somber play a fresh new twist with a different viewpoint! The Hamlet nicknames bring in some more humor. Thanks for writing this. 
 
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SpottyLepardThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 25, 2013 at 7:08 pm:
Haha, this is great! I love the comedic viewpoint you gave to such a somber book!
 
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IsibealThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 14, 2013 at 6:04 pm:
Funny! I love how you write this.
 
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rhea752This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 31, 2013 at 10:25 pm:
I love the point of veiw, the mocking, and pretty much the whole  thing. Keep writing!!! :D
 
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Redella said...
May 31, 2013 at 11:22 am:
Wow, an impressive piece! I like how you're talking to the character in the fashion.
 
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Elizabeth-of-rohanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:29 am:
This was quite amusing, and well written.
 
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Adi-heid said...
Jul. 7, 2012 at 10:05 am:

I love this soo much! I agree with Katie-jo, it's the best I've read so far!

Please comment and rate my article, Rita used to be Steve! Thanks!

Again, this is the best!!

 
alicia123L replied...
Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:26 pm :
thats really amzing totally love it post more about this i'm excited to read more than what i know so far  
 
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Katie-jo said...
May 29, 2012 at 11:57 am:
This is the best article I have ever read! Anywhere, on Teenink, in magazines, it's the best! The. Best. Ever. You are truly amazing!
 
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AEAluvsanimals said...
Jan. 14, 2012 at 9:50 pm:
The voice/nicknames are the best thing about this. aValid on his indescision, although this is an unfortunate side effect of his intelligence. And if you find out what the exchange at the Mousetrap between him and Ophelia actually ment, I bet yourposition will change on how savvy he was with the ladies. not to mention the doubt thou the stars are fire poem. Hamlet is very smooth, and I've gotno Idea why most people seem to hate him
 
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bookthief This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 5:37 pm:
This is really enjoyable. I don't know if you've seen the play Rosencranz and Guildenstern are Dead, but it strikes me that you might enjoy it.
 
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writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 22, 2011 at 6:21 pm:
Great job! very funny! I just posted a couple of stories. just click my user name and click one of the stories. :)(: Thanks!!!
 
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Nerdygal19This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 19, 2011 at 6:35 pm:
Haha! That was great! Very comical too!
 
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wasauskyx said...
May 5, 2011 at 2:21 pm:
Hello! I love this article. I haven't read Hamlet but it sounds great. You know what made me want to read your story? My name's also Karla and my lastname's with an R, weird, huh? Anyway, congrats on getting published and being such a great author.
 
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Modrockerhippie. said...
May 15, 2010 at 4:34 pm:
Haha, excellent. Hamlet was one of my favorites, and you presented a pretty accurate view from Rosencrantz's POV. The nicknames for Hamlet were especially good.
 
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JeanGrey said...
Mar. 10, 2010 at 3:20 pm:
Nice! Good work :) and funny too
 
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