The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1910 comments.


on Oct. 18 2009 at 8:40 pm
carolineD BRONZE, Coppell, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment
HAHA!!! Could not stop laughing!!! Love this! Funny, truthful and completely appropriate.

on Oct. 18 2009 at 12:12 am
Alycat07 BRONZE, Fall River, Massachusetts
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Your hold on me is Permeanent and Unbreakable. Never doubt that."-Edward Cullen Twilight Saga

this is soo creative and its hilarious!1 i love it!!

Wordgasm GOLD said...
on Oct. 17 2009 at 2:14 pm
Wordgasm GOLD, Kingfield, Maine
12 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
If it was a unicorn it would have gored you.

muustt stoopn laaggghhiiinnngg....

on Oct. 16 2009 at 10:11 pm
Natascia BRONZE, Whitby, Other
1 article 0 photos 8 comments
really funny and entirely true :D

katnip SILVER said...
on Oct. 14 2009 at 6:32 pm
katnip SILVER, Eureka, California
6 articles 3 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

that was amazing i loved it !!!!!!!!!!!:)

LRachel BRONZE said...
on Oct. 14 2009 at 3:31 pm
LRachel BRONZE, Holmdel, New Jersey
4 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!! that was hilarious.

Mayolas said...
on Oct. 13 2009 at 8:13 pm
Mayolas, Newton, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
If you love the Twilight Series, you have to be able to laugh at yourself!

on Oct. 13 2009 at 1:54 pm
emmatheballerina GOLD, Tacoma, Washington
14 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is not in our greatest glory in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall"
"I use to want the words "she tried" on my tombstone, now I want "she did it"

wow. I was not sure someone could tell 4 vooks in two minuutes great job!

on Oct. 12 2009 at 12:48 am
Spellbinder BRONZE, Tucson, Arizona
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

I love Twilight, but I think this is seriously funny. xD

on Oct. 10 2009 at 2:31 pm
BeckoningLovely GOLD, Wilmington, Delaware
15 articles 1 photo 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I think our favorite quotes say more about us than the people we are quoting," John Green

YES!

Ha ha ha ha!


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