In the Depths

September 9, 2017
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The air smells of roses and the sky looks of fire. The little things like that is what keeps me alive, breathing,. Not living persay, but alive.


The night I went back home my mother cried. I couldn't tell if she was worried or just pissed that I ran off. But yeah, I was alive, i'm alive now, but alive doesn't mean living. I'm not happy, I don't feel joy when I see a couple of deer frolicking in the woods, I just think that maybe they're better off than I am. Its monday again, things always happen on monday, like things you don't want to happen but they do anyways.


Breakfast time! I sit down next to Chasity who’s whispering words to her dear Branardo that I honestly don't want to hear. They slip off somewhere that I’ll never know to do heaven knows what. I scoot over to Logan who’s look is numb and depressed But he hides it…..like me...I smile for no reason even though i'm losing my sanity even though I hardly had it in the first place. I look to gregory, who still looks love struck...He’ll never know who I really am….I feel like s***, my head hurts so bad….But I still smile. I think Angie is mad at me...though of course it's probably my fault….I walk away, my bag nearly pulling me to the ground....
Throughout school my eyelids get heavy and I become really sleepy…

I unlock the door to the house A note taped to the door…”call mom when you get home-Devin”. The dogs take about an hour to feed, water, and let out, and i'm still tired. My little brother begins to throw a fit and I can't do anything about it-no punishments allowed. I call Mom and she tells me once again I have to watch kid brother for the 6th night in a row.


I cry and cry and cry until my eyes are red and my older brother rings the door “Pizza.” his voice so full of life…...and...I take the pizza shutting the door as he turns to go back to his car.


I sob as I shove my face full of pizza...and my kid brother whines it's not good because it's pepperoni.

 

Night:
I finally fall asleep after four more hours of crying and trying to convince myself that i'm ok- it doesn’t work. The ocean creeps up to me, threatening to consume me once more. I hear the chains screech against the rocks, readying themselves to take me captive once again. My demon De-ye-de appears in front of my, sort of protecting me from the waves for a short while, “Why do you fight child?” A hiss clawed its way out of his throat, and he lurched forward only inches away. “I honestly don’t know...De-ye-de.” “Give in let the water take you away, don’t be s-s-s-stingy.” The water inched forward and i walked past him….”You don’t have to tell me twice.” The ocean slid up my body, freezing my warm hands “Good...Child this is what you want…” The water was above my head now..it pulled at the air in my lungs and I let it go….I didn’t need it anymore anyways...not where I was going…The kelp twisted around my feet and the chains took my arms pulling them to the sand. My eyes closed and I gave in…..”I'm sorry, Angie. For what it’s worth, I will always love you…”.   It felt like years under the water, and when I opened my eyes I was still alone...I almost thought I had seen Angie, but the last time I saw her she was...mad. The emptiness filled the air, and not so much as a buzz could be heard, I was really alone. My heart shrank and I knew that this was it, I was truly done with this trying, wanting, caring. God, you know what, screw them. I can't do this anymore. I can't act like i’m ok when I wish I was dead…..I stopped trying to cheer myself up and the water lifted me off my feet, but the chains still bounded me to this sandy hell. My eyelids shut and I even think I could feel my heart break. De-ye-de whispered in my head, “Child, this was for the best, you do know that right?” “Yeah.” My head echoed and faded to the new sounds that filled my thoughts.“Why won't you fight this, child? You never give in...what about your friends, the ones you’ll always love?” “They don’t need me….not like I needed them, so I won't burden them with my own problems…”“Ahhhhhh...I see dear, my-my-my well it's done and over with now isn’t it girl?” I could see his grin in my mind the one you know that will haunt you forever…..But what did I care I was going to die anyways….I gave into the darkness, and I was nothing more.
 






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