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The clock is ticking

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My feet hit the hard ground, I stare at the clock. I look to my right, I see my briefcase reminding me that I need to get ready to go to work to be able to afford to get ready. I pull my hair up, decide today I’m going to be different. I let my hair loose, I can feel the lightness in my head. I stare into the mirror and tell myself I can do this, just like every other day. I put on my gray suit, slip on my gray heels and walk into my gray car. I decide to let the roof down, I feel the wind beating at my hair. The redness of the sun mixes with the brown of my hair. I take a breath for the first time and take the wrong turn. I realize where my car is headed, I don’t want to stop it. I have reached, I have finally reached. My phone is buzzing, it’s my secretary. I switch off the phone take off my heels and my jacket. I stare at myself in the mirror and see a child staring back.
“I thought you were gone, I missed you!” I hear the little girl say laughing. I stare at the little girl, her cheeks chubby, eyes innocent and smile pure. I blink and she disappears, in her place I see my mom hugging the little girl.
“Oh no, are you okay? Did you hurt your knee again?” My mom kisses the little girl’s knee and my hand instinctively goes to my knee, and I felt the scar. I see the two walk away and I want to beg them to come back.
Instead, I see my dad throwing the little girl into the air. Her brown hair acting like her blanket. The two laugh and he kissed her hairline. She giggles and starts goofing around. The picture fades away, and I see a girl entering her pre-teens, her braces catching the light. I see her sitting on her lunch table telling her friends about one story or the other. All five girls having a blast. The image changes to all five girls laying on the floor studying for a biology test. I smell the cookies baking in the oven, hear music playing softly, feel the nervous energy in the air, taste the minty freshness of my gum and see the sun dimming out of my window.
It all felt so real, like any moment my little sister would walk in with a plate full of cookies. It felt like that was still me, like that teenage little girl was still inside me somewhere. I shut my eyes and step out of my car.
My feet hit soft ground. I stare into the garden. I look to my right and see a swing-set, a little me laughing. I race to the swingset, but the closer I get the more it disappears. I turn around, noticing my surrounding. The little 2 story building that used to feel like a mansion had been converted into a 10 story apartment complex. I shake my head and try to bring the happy memories back.
Instead, I see myself sitting at a desk, day after day some days my suit is gray others it is blue. I see myself staring at the clock. Wondering what happened to the free-willed girl. I close my eyes and see her staring back at me. Her skin kissed by the sun, not pale like mine. Her hair flowing loose, her smile confident. Most importantly her eyes were shining. She knew what made her happy and she did it. I hop back into my car, switch on the phone. I call my secretary back, telling her I won’t be able to come to work this week and anything important that needs my attention can be postponed. With that, I end the call, go home and change. Finally feeling true. I grab my bike keys and drive off. Away from the sunset, towards the real me.

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