The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth MAG

January 22, 2009
By Bassoonkelley GOLD, Tampa, Florida
Bassoonkelley GOLD, Tampa, Florida
15 articles 0 photos 49 comments

I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.


The author's comments:
This is literally an excerpt from my journal, so it's a little different when it comes to writing style.

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This article has 476 comments.


on Dec. 29 2010 at 2:12 pm
RainyWriter GOLD, Redmond, Washington
14 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
Only the smart, talented, amazing, and insane are remembered in history.

I'm a little confused too, as to why it says "her". But anyway, I liked reading the story (or manifesto?) because it is something many of us can relate to. Because it's based off of real life. Hardcore, I liked it.

asofnow GOLD said...
on Dec. 29 2010 at 12:18 pm
asofnow GOLD, Troy, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 209 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing gold can stay ~ Robert Frost

im confused.. why does it say chuck it at HER big, stupid...

anyways this was amazinly fantasticly awesome!


nannerrr. said...
on Dec. 29 2010 at 11:59 am
nannerrr., Bonifay, Florida
0 articles 7 photos 1 comment
This is my absolute favorite! I love it(:
 

on Dec. 23 2010 at 4:07 pm
JustToBeQuiet BRONZE, Uniontown, Ohio
3 articles 1 photo 3 comments
I love this! It's funny and easy to relate to. I look forward to reading more of your work.
P.S. Guys are idiots. :)

on Dec. 17 2010 at 11:46 am
NothingButAli GOLD, Silver Lake, Indiana
11 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The best things in life are better left unseen. that's why we close our eyes when we cry, kiss, and dream"- Anonymous

You Know what? Great Journal Excerpt! (: Keep it up

on Dec. 16 2010 at 4:01 pm
WingsFlyingHigh BRONZE, Sterling, Virginia
2 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Marylin Monroe

I absolutely love this! I can feel you in it so much. I love how you mix the whole thing together so well. Wait... now I feel like I'm talking abou tsome kind of meal. You know, like you followed some recipe and I'm congratulating you on how well you followed the directions. But this is original, amazing, and completely your own.  Your writing is an inspiration to me!  It makes me want to sit with my journal for hours! Great job!

<3bubblez said...
on Dec. 7 2010 at 9:14 pm
OMG i love your story. good job

on Dec. 7 2010 at 7:55 pm
musiclover94 GOLD, Springboro, Ohio
15 articles 0 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.

This is PERFECT. I'm so sorry someone broke your heart and that you feel like you need to "paint yourself pretty". I don't know you or anything, but I'm absolutly positive that you're gorgeous all on your own. I know because that's what your writing says about you. Your personality so real, it's awe-inspiring. Keep writing, one day, I'll be buying one of your books off a shelf at Barnes and Noble.

brunett97 GOLD said...
on Dec. 7 2010 at 6:59 pm
brunett97 GOLD, Cedar Rapids, Iowa
10 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
never give up until you are happy with the ending.

great story. i side with you. i dont feel the need to get up at four in thr moring just took go to school looking like barbies sister.

Camille Carr said...
on Dec. 7 2010 at 5:42 pm
Camille Carr, Wilmington, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
Seriously, I love this. I mean, you really did capture some great feelings on that page. Makes me want to type up some of my journals and send 'em in. And I adore how you describe the guy as a "stupid XY". I am totally going to steal that, Okay? Okay. PHENOMENAL.

on Dec. 7 2010 at 5:32 pm
blackveilbrideschickies BRONZE, Brackenridge, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 30 comments
First off...I love this. I dont know how people think its funny though. What this girl describes is NOT funny whatsoever. Its real. 100% real!

on Dec. 7 2010 at 5:29 pm
Novelwriter14 GOLD, Durango, Colorado
16 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Either write somehting worth reading, or do something worth writing."-Benjamin Franklin

Wow, I love your train of thought! Its very similar to the way many of my friends think, its refreshing to know that there is someone else who could care less about makeup.

on Dec. 7 2010 at 5:11 pm
soletsdance GOLD, Hoopeston, Illinois
15 articles 16 photos 94 comments
i don't know how people are saying this is a funny piece. It brought tears to my eyes. That's me, right there in your article. wow.

on Dec. 7 2010 at 5:03 pm
SavannahSerena, Campbell, California
0 articles 1 photo 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We come into this world alone and we go out alone. Maybe thats why we spend our time here on Earth clinging to the love and compassion of others."
-unknown

i love how raw and real it is(:

katiikat said...
on Dec. 7 2010 at 2:02 pm
I love this! It's great dry humor. Keep writing!

jkilmer SILVER said...
on Dec. 7 2010 at 1:26 pm
jkilmer SILVER, Washington, District Of Columbia
6 articles 1 photo 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
When I am dead, I hope it may be said:
"His sins were scarlet, but his books were read."
"Declarations of love amuse me, especially when unrequited."
'Pity is a useless emotion.'
'Read. Breathe. Relax.'

I really liked how you worded things seriously and were funny at the same time! Great article

on Dec. 7 2010 at 1:05 pm
MissKayyADayAway, Olathe, Kansas
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"tears dry smiles fad be the memories never go away."(quote by quentin graham <3)

that is a really intresting view lol you made me laugh i really needed that so thanks so much and everything and it sreally good!

funnybunny said...
on Dec. 7 2010 at 11:11 am
awsome u really should keep writing!keep up the awsome work!

on Dec. 7 2010 at 10:39 am
RoundRobinGirl GOLD, Craigmont, Idaho
16 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Cowboy up, puss."

Loved it! I could totally relate!

evaine said...
on Dec. 7 2010 at 10:02 am
that makes me sad.  shouldnt there be a protection law against that kind of stuff?? your piece was very real.  I really like it. :)


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