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The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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This article has 473 comments. Post your own!

SoundTechie said...
Mar. 18, 2010 at 7:41 am:
I love your writing style, and this story made me laugh out with sister like feelings. almost every girl out there, even the retardingly pretty have felt this way. im sure of it
 
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roxamania96 said...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 8:18 pm:
Your writing style is interesting and beautiful, with a hint of sarcasm and today's intriguing society. But more than anything, you are completely and 100% correct. I love the rawness of your words, the way that it seems so effortless. It's amazing. Write your heart out.
 
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MyFairyTaleEnding said...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 6:36 pm:
Woah! Your a really good writer! I honestly never thought like that...INSPIRATIONAL!!! Go You!!!
 
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Kimalima said...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 4:21 pm:
i bet ur really pretty. keep it up. the "pretty" girls wont get anywhere in 5 years, while you'll probably be selling books every day.
 
Sarbear This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 18, 2010 at 2:53 pm :
i totally agree!
 
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PeacePerson said...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 10:29 am:
You totally captured what probably 99% of the population of girls feels like at that point. Minus the 1% "naturally fake pretty" girls who just dont's care. And even then... Wow, great work.
 
Ebony_Rose replied...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 12:59 pm :
I like it...
 
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star_struck_93 said...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 9:06 am:
I really do like this! I agree with the whole thing
 
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DaniWill This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:32 pm:
nice! i wish i could write like this. if this is your journal entry, it just further proves how great a writer you are!
 
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twiwrite said...
Feb. 16, 2010 at 2:53 pm:
bravo!!! true to the point!
 
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DallysGrrl said...
Feb. 10, 2010 at 7:15 pm:
Haha!! i luv it. i luv the way u write and the way ur so sarcastic. ur voice is, lik, poisonous. really great.
 
ѕтоямιε.♥ replied...
Feb. 12, 2010 at 7:37 pm :
wow, i agree with the "poisonous" thing!! (:
keep up the awesome work!! i want to read more!! :P
 
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maki:p said...
Feb. 2, 2010 at 8:39 pm:
That is really interesting and well written.
 
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live~en~livre said...
Feb. 2, 2010 at 8:27 pm:
Incrdible. I know it's a real journal entry but all the same.... it sounds sooo natural! The words flow so perfectly... gracefully. I LOVE it! Great job! Keep Writing!
 
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robrobrobin11 said...
Feb. 2, 2010 at 7:08 pm:
Amazing. Love it. GAH IT'S AWESOME. So raw, and effortless with wording that is insurmountably clever and cunning. I think we'd get along pretty darn well, you seem like a cool chick. lol.
 
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elizabethlaura said...
Feb. 2, 2010 at 6:52 pm:
this is absolutely amazing. one of my favorite pieces on TeenInk. I can't even express how much I love this piece. Oh, and that guy probably is too stupid to realize how amazing you are don't worry! amazing job!=]
 
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hlnpurple said...
Feb. 2, 2010 at 4:21 pm:
This is lovely. It's fresh, and interesting, a different look. I love it!
 
Classic W. replied...
Feb. 21, 2010 at 10:01 am :
True, it is fresh, and by lovely, if you say anger is beautiful, it is... in certain circumstances. And really? Your DIARY? I appologize for whatever pain you must be in for such a let down, and really, this doesn't make you sound like a cool person to hang out with. It's quite annoying. But, making amends, I wouldn't be able to put my diary on here, and can relate to that. Still, couldn't this have been said in a less... "I'm Tough And Am NOT Hurt... But I Am... (more »)
 
Bassoonkelley This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 9:28 pm :
Thank you for your honest opinion, you have no idea how much that means to me :) I'll admit that when I wrote this - I was barely sixteen - I was dramatic and starving for attention. However I disagree when it comes to me "toughening up." :) Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is allow yourself to be weak. To be weak and to really, genuinely feel things.
 
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SammiiSCREAMS said...
Feb. 2, 2010 at 8:07 am:
this is beautiful. ive never read anything as intresting as that
 
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