I look down at my phone, its 3:02. I moan in desperation because the clock could not go any slower. The teacher seems to be talking nonstop, and the other kids are getting antsy also. The bell finally rings, and I bolt out of the classroom. I hurry to my locker, which is right outside the classroom, thankfully. I twirl the code, 49 12 32, and lift up the handle. I dump my heavy books into the bottom of the locker, grab my backpack, and run to Savannah’s locker, at the end of the hallway.

“Guess who?” I whisper in her ear after covering her eyes. Savannah grins.

“My sweet boyfriend who will be taking me ice skating tomorrow?” She guesses.

I lift my hands away from her eyes and give her a quick peck on the cheek. She whirls around, and her long brunette hair hits me in the face. I laugh and she hugs me.

“So, what else are you doing over the winter break? I am going to this really cool ski resort, and my parents said you could come, if you wanted to.” Savanna tells me as we walk arm in arm down the hallway.

“I don’t think we are doing much. But I will have to ask my parents.” I say. “But I will try to go.”

Savannah smiles and rests her head on my shoulder.

“Until then,” I say, “wanna hang out at my house?”

Savannah nods and we walk out of school and climb onto the bus. We sit together in the back of the bus, and the whole way home we laugh and talk.

At my stop, Savannah gets up, and I follow her. We are one of the last stops, so there is no one to push past, really. Savannah descends the slippery bus stairs, and I follow her. We ice skate up the driveway and laugh when I fall. I try to get up, but end up pulling Savannah down on top of me.

After five minutes of both of us laughing too hard to get up, we finally make it to our feet. I hold her hand and walk up the driveway carefully.
I unlock the door and shout to my mom, “Were home!”
We hear a faint call back from my mom as we take off our winter clothing. After grabbing the mugs of hot chocolate my mom made, we make our way downstairs into the basement. My room is down there, and so is my sister’s. We pass my room and Julia’s room, and head into the main area of the basement. I set up the Game System to play a movie and I snuggle up with Savannah on our couch. My mom brings down popcorn and we eat the lightly salted kernels.
Halfway through the movie, Savannah rests her head on my shoulder, and I feel her chest rise and fall slowly and evenly. I know that she is asleep, and I shut off the movie. I lift up her head slightly and shift my body so that I can easily get up. I set her head on the couch and lightly stand up, so I do not wake her. I lean down and kiss her on the forehead and tuck her in.
I walk into my room and change into something a little nicer. From my mine craft tee to a dark blue long sleeved shirt. From tattered blue jeans with holes that are stapled shut to newer blue jeans with no holes. I go back to where I lay Savannah down and see that she isn’t there.
“Savannah?” I call out. I feel a little conscious of myself, thinking that she might have seen me take off my shirt and see that I have no muscles whatsoever, or see me take off my jeans, which I do NOT want to think about.
“I’m here.” She calls out, in her voice of “don’t worry, I saw nothing.”
I sigh in relief and laugh as she walks out of my sister’s room. Savannah grabs my hand and pulls me up the stairs. I was so worried that she had seen me changing, that I didn’t realize that there was a great smell wafting from upstairs.
“Cinnamon cookies!” She exclaims brightly. I smile as I see that my mom has a dozen cooling on the counter.
After finishing the movie, eating about four cookies each, and talking a lot, Savannah got up and I walked her home.
After I got back, I stomped down the stairs and kicked off my boots. I walked over to my dresser, opened up my drawer, and dug down into the bottom of the shirts. I grabbed a hold of something harder than the rest, and pulled it up. I smiled as I looked at the necklace that Savannah gave me. For me, it is a good luck charm. I put it in my pocket and I go back upstairs to my mom.
“Can I go skiing this week with Savannah? Her parents said it was ok if I go.” I mention to my mom.
“You are going to be a counselor at winter camp, remember?” She reminds me.
I whisper under my breath, “Oh, yeah…” and I sigh in disappointment. I walk back into my room and pull out my phone. I press the speed dial on my phone for Savannah and listen to the rings. One… Two… Three… And she picks up.
“Hey! Can you go on the ski trip?” She asks.
“My mom said no. I have some other stupid camp thing that I just have to go to.” I moan into the phone.
“Oh. Well, sorry you couldn’t come. I will see you later, then. We are leaving tomorrow. Bye.” Savannah says, and she hangs up. I can hear the disappointment in her voice and I lay on my bed.
I get up and walk into my twin sister’s room. Julia looks up from her drawing of me and Savannah and asks, “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t go skiing with Savannah. I have that stupid camp thing that mom made me do. And because she is leaving tomorrow, Savannah and I can’t go ice skating.” I groan in desperation.
Julia looks sorry but says, “Then why are you in my room?”
I look at her, grab a pillow and throw it at her head. She knows that I would do that, and dodges the pillow as it sails by her long black hair. I grab the black head phones she took from me and take them back into my room.
I plug the huge, black head phones into my laptop and play my favorite playlist, the one that Savannah helped me put together. She and I like to make mix ups of songs, and they mostly sound good. I have a playlist of my favorite ones.
I mouth the words to the song that is playing as the main melody, and look up the winter camp that my mom volunteered me to go to.
“The kids will be ice skating,” I sigh, “snowman building, snowball fighting, snow painting, hot cocoa drinking, and we will be playing a game of capture the flag at the end of the week. The cost is $15 per week and for before/aftercare the cost is $3 per hour.”
I click on the link for counselors and I look at my hours. I will be working with the first and second graders, with a girl named Rebecca and her older brother, Joshua. I look at the picture the website has, and she has long blonde hair and eyes that are a very deep shade of blue. Her brother is the complete opposite of her, long brown hair and brown eyes that seem to dig into your soul, and not nicely. And the picture beneath him has black hair that covers his eyes, but shining through it, is the icy blue of his eyes. His arms are crossed over a black and white journey tee shirt and he smiles a shallow smile that is only visible if you look closely. I sigh as I look at the picture that describes me completely.
The loud music stops suddenly and I look and see that the playlist has ended. I close the webpage and go to my media center. I open up my software that helps me make songs and combine them. I pull out two of my favorites, Don’t Stop Believing, by Journey, and Boulevard of Broken Dreams, by Green Day. I attach them to the sound player, cancel the lyrics on the Journey song, and hit the “all play button”. The system matches their down beats, making the Green Day song a little faster. I listen until the lyrics end, and the Journey song plays out its last note, and I stop the music, save the mash up, and close out of the program. I check my email and look through for an email that isn’t spam. I delete all of my emails but two of them. The first one is from Savannah, and the second from Rebecca. I open the first email and I read it.
“Dear Kayden, I am sorry to say that I have to break up with you. My mom found out that I am dating you, and she doesn’t want me having a boyfriend until I’m 16. I tried to protest, but she said that I am not responsible enough for a boyfriend yet. I am sorry. When I am allowed to date, I will come to you as soon as I can, I promise. I am so sorry, with this email, I am shaking and crying. I do not want to do this, but I have to. Bye Kayden. I love you, and I always will.”
I sit on my bed stunned as the screen goes to sleep. I blink a few times, and then read the email again. And again. And again. I slide the laptop off of my lap. Then I grab the first thing I can reach, my iPod, and chuck it across the room. My sister comes into my room and looks at my now cracked iPod, bewildered.
“What is wrong with you?” She screams. She takes a look at my email, reads it a few times and looks back at me. “Omigosh!”
I nod and put my head into my arms, and let out a sob. She puts her arm on my shoulders and tries to comfort me. But I just want to be alone.
“GET OUT! I scream, my face wet with tears. I want no one to see me like I am, and I just want to be left alone.
She gets up, startled, and runs out of my room as I throw a pillow at her. When my door slams, I put my face in my pillow and stay like that for a long time. I ignore my mom when she calls for dinner and my dad when he knocks on my door asking to come in. I finally sit back up and look at my other email, from Rebecca.
“Hey! It’s Rebecca. I’m working with you at Camp Snow! I cannot wait to see you in person. I bet you look a lot happier than you do in your picture online. I wanted to say hi so that when we meet in person next week, I won’t seem as much of a stranger. I hope you respond soon! Until then, bye!”
I look at the email and smile a little bit. I hit the respond button and start typing, messing up every other word, like usual.
“Hey. Kayden here. I am sort of excited for working at camp snow, but I had to miss going on a ski trip with my now ex-girlfriend. But I saw your picture online, and you’re pretty cute. I mean, you know. But at camp, could you not mention both the things that I just said? If a second grader asks me about my ex, that would be embarrassing. And if your brother finds out that I said that you are cute, I might not make it to the end of the week! And did I respond soon enough? ? But I will see you next week. Bye.”
I hold the curser over the send button for a second, then press down on the button that confirms my send. My laptop beeps to tell me that my email has been sent.
I get up, open my door, and walk into the bathroom across the hall. I turn on the sink and splash water on my face. I look into the mirror and my face looks red and splotchy. I take a few deep breaths and I dry off my face.
I walk out of the bathroom and climb the stairs. My mom calls out to me that there are leftovers in the fridge for me. I take the cold ribs out of the fridge, open the microwave, and put them in. I start their reheat, and sit down on the couch.
“Why so mopey?” my dad asks me, messing up my hair.
I answer, “Savannah had to, um, break up with me.” I take a deep breath with my eyes closed so I don’t start crying again, and I hear the microwave beep.
I get up, grab my food, and walk into the dining room. I shove some papers aside and set my food down. I start eating it when Julia walks in.
“You ok?” she asks me tentatively, like she is expecting another outburst. I don’t blame her.
I nod and say through my food, “Sorry.”
“It’s ok, lover boy. Everyone goes through that, but you and Savannah were like PB&J.” She laughs a little bit and walks a few steps away. Then she turns around and says, “And I’m getting those head phones back.”
I jump up and leave my food, trying to beat Julia to my room so she can’t get my headphones again. She laughs as she shoves me out of the way, and I laugh as she trips on the second to last stair. I jump over her so I don’t fall and I grab my headphones right before she gets to them. I stand panting by the side of my bed and she laughs and punches me in the arm. Even though she is the girl, I’m the weak one.
I go back upstairs, still holding my headphones, and eat the rest of my food with them around my neck. I put my plates into the sink and go down stairs. I change into some black pajama pants, and an old grey tee shirt. I hear my laptop beep with a notification that I got an email. I lift the top and see that I have a new email from Rebecca.
“I’m glad you responded! And don’t worry; I won’t mention anything to my brother or the second graders! ? But why did your girlfriend break up with you? And what is her name? If you are not happy with answering these questions, it’s ok. I’ve been told that I am too curious before. I think they are right, but I like to know things. But other than that, what are you looking forward to at the winter camp? I’m looking forward to meeting the kids and getting to know them. Talk to you soon! Bye!”
I smile and think about responding tonight, but I realize that she is probably almost ready for bed also. I ex out of the tab, close my computer, and put it on my desk. I reach over to the light switch, and shut it off.
The next morning, I wake up, half off my bed and my blankets strewn all over the place. I don’t mind. It’s a usual morning. I look at my clock, and it reads 12:53. Oops. At least it’s not winter camp today, I think. I get up and walk over to my dresser. I take out a pair of jeans and a tee shirt that doesn’t smell too bad and walk into the bathroom. I look in the mirror and I see that my hair is sticking up in some places and it pressed to my face in others. I laugh at myself and get changed. I brush my teeth and wash my face. I put on some deodorant and walk out again. I walk back into my room and open my laptop. Looking at the time, it is 12:55. I see that I have an unread email.
“Hey! It’s Rebecca! I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out today. If so, meet me at the skating rink at one. I hope I can see you there! See you soon, Rebecca.”
I look at the time again, 12:56. I swear under my breath, throw my laptop to the side, and sprint up the stairs. My mom tries to say something about breakfast, but I ignore her and put on my snow jacket and boots. I grab a muffin and run out the door. I hop on my bike with half of the muffin stuffed in my mouth and I bike the distance to the ice rink.
When I get there, I have banana walnut crumbs all over my face and I look up at the big clock in the center of the park. It is one exactly, and I look around. At first, I see no one my age. Then a family moves, and I see Rebecca sitting on a bench by the rink. She has on a white snow jacket and is holding a coffee shop cup.
I lock up my bike and walk over to her. At first she doesn’t notice me, but when she looks up, she is beaming.
“You have a little something…” she says, laughing.
My face blushes as I wipe the crumbs away. She laughs and we stand awkwardly for a little bit.
“So… what do you want to do?” I ask.
“Well, were at an ice rink. And we have time to spare. Do you have an idea on what to do?” She laughs.
I smile as we walk over to the booth to rent ice skates. I pay the teenager behind the window for a pair of skates, Rebecca has her own. We walk over to one of the benches near the entrance and strap them on. I try to get up and laugh when I fall almost immediately.
“You need help?” Rebecca asks me, while she is expertly walking on the sidewalk in her white skates. She reaches out a hand to me, and in my clumsily way of getting up, I pull her down on top of me. We lay on the ground laughing for a while and people walk around us, giving us looks like were crazy. I guess we are.
We finally both make it so that we are standing, and I use her arm for support as we walk onto the ice. Rebecca smoothly glides out onto the ice, while I slowly make my way around the outside of the rink, using the wall occasionally. Rebecca slows to a stop and holds my hand when I get to her. I feel my face heat up and she helps me not fall as we skate around the rink.
After a while, I get the hang of how to move my feet, and I am able to go almost as smooth as Rebecca does, but I still can’t do tricks and spins like she does. For a boy as clumsy as me, though, it’s ok.
A while later, Rebecca and I sit back down on a bench. I take off my skates and turn them back in.
I am about to start my ride back home when Rebecca walks up to me.
“I had a great time.” She whispers. Then she does something that makes my heart stop. That makes my cheeks blush and my hands go numb.
She gives me a quick kiss on the cheek.
I start to say something, but words can’t, and won’t, come. I close my mouth again and look down. I awkwardly get on my bike, murmur a quiet goodbye, and leave. On the way I am still shocked by the kiss.
I get home and leave my bike abandoned on my driveway. I walk into my room, dazed. My sister coming in my room to take my headphones doesn’t even register in my mind. I am too busy thinking about the quick warmth, the way my face felt warm, and the way her lips felt on my cheek.
My sister comes back into my room, returning the headphones an hour later, and she notices me, lying on my bed, not moving. I guess she thinks that this isn’t normal, because she walks over to me, waves her hand in my face, and pokes me. I don’t respond to the waving, but I grimace a little bit when her sharp nail scrapes into my cheek.
“Are you dead?” Julia asks me, with a wide grin on her face.
“Just… Shocked.” Her question breaks me of my daze. “If you were in my place, you would understand.”
“What? Did she kiss you?” Julia smirks. When she sees my face and how I curl up a little, she realizes that that is why I am so dazed. “Where?”
I point to my cheek, the one opposite where I got poked, and Julia’s face lights up.
I push her out of my room and shut the door behind her. Then I open my laptop and check for any more emails. I have one new one from Rebecca, and a few spam. I delete the spams and open up the one from Rebecca.
“Hey. Sorry about earlier. I guess that because you seemed so happy I thought you were ready for a new girlfriend. I guess I was wrong. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings, if that is what I did. If not, I’m sorry for trying to start a relationship with you right after, well, you know. I guess that’s all for now. See you soon, Rebecca.
I decide to not respond because I need time to think. Should I wait until Savannah is able to date again, the girl I love, or thought I loved until Rebecca kissed me, or Rebecca, the girl who picked me up from my days of sadness, who clearly likes me, and who I may like back?
I go back upstairs and I turn on the TV. It is on the news and I am about to change the channel when the reporter says something.
“At the local ski resort, there has been a terrible accident. A family was caught in a small avalanche, due to poor distribution of the snow, fake and real, and they were all trapped under a pile of snow. The mother is alive, but in a coma, the father has not been found, along with the two children.”
The screen flashes to an image of Savannah’s mom, looking dead in a hospital bed. I cry out for my parents and my chest heaves. Savannah. How could that happen? I see my mom and sister rush into the room, worried about my cry, and then they see what I stopped the TV on. The image on the screen. My mom rushes over to me. But I register none of it. All I can think about is the fact that Savannah is gone. Torn away from me by a careless ski resort.
The next few days go by in a rush, blurry and out of focus. I get numerous emails from Rebecca, but they stop when I send her a link to the news report on YouTube. When I send her the next one, saying that the girl, Savannah, was found, she comes to my house and tries to comfort me. It doesn’t work. Nothing she does, or my mom or dad does, or my sister does, breaks through to the part of my mind that still works. Finally, it is time to be a counselor.
On the way there, I try to break out of my daze, and it works. I feel a little tiny bit better, enough for me to seem cheerful to the kids, but not enough to fool Rebecca. She sees me when no one is looking. She has seen my bad side.
But even though she is important, she isn’t as important as Savannah is. Was. I don’t think she can be.
But the alive part of me knows that that statement is wrong. She already is more than Savannah ever was. But most of me doesn’t realize it.
“Kayden?” A little girl asks me, and by the way she looks and says my name, she has been there for a little while. “I can’t tie my shoes.”
I smile and bend down to tie the skates over her ankles. In the process, I try to remember her name. She is the girl who won’t let go of my hand, who is obsessed with me, yet even though I said all the names, and their colors with them, I cannot remember her name.
I smile as she wobbles on the thin metal under her feet. I walk up to her and hold her hand so she doesn’t fall and she looks up at me with a wide grin, missing one of her teeth.
“Hannah.” Rebecca whispers into my ear. I mouth thank you to her and turn back to the rest of the kids wobbling in front of us. Rebecca already has two hands and a kid on her back. I smile, and let Hannah climb on my back, also. I grab two other kids’ hands, and we skate on the ice the rest of the way, down to the rink. Rebecca, her brother and I end up racing with the kids to see who can get to the rink the fastest, with no falling allowed. I set down Hannah and let her skate by herself, and she is good. I end up being the first one to fall, and as Rebecca passes me, she reaches down to pull me along. I laugh and grab her hand, but I am heavier than she expected, and she topples down on top of me.
“Want me to take the kids to the rink while you two figure this out, and what your excuse is for your actions?” Joshua asks us, with all seriousness in his voice.
Not laughing at ourselves anymore, Rebecca and I get up. We walk over to one of the benches and wait in silence for her brother to get back. Rebecca says something about being sorry, and that we were just playing around, but I am just looking down, scared of what will happen if Joshua finds out that I really do like his sister. If he finds out that she kissed me. If he finds out that I actually liked the moment when her lips touched my cheek.
I look up and say that it won’t happen again, and I look behind me, and see that half of our group is listening in behind us, and the other half is laughing at us. I shoo them away, and I get on the ice rink, and start chasing them. They giggle when they slip a little bit, or if I fall.
Rebecca must think that my game looks like fun, because she starts helping me. The kids laugh when they can’t escape her, or when they do, they tease her and she catches up to them, making their faces turn red with laughter. I catch Hannah, and Rebecca gives me a high five.
I let go of the little girl in my hands and I see the ski mountain. I see spots in my eyes, and I feel my knees give out. I see Rebecca skate as fast as she can over to my side, and little kids swarm around me, just barely making it to the bench before I collapse completely. Hannah starts bawling, and I can see that she is scaring some of the other kids. I just continue to stare at the mountain where Savannah went missing, then died.
Rebecca follows my gaze, and sees what I am seeing. The closed ski resort. I feel her hand rummage through my pocket, and pull out my phone. I recognize that she has my phone, and is calling someone, but I don’t understand anything. I don’t process that I might be scaring the kids with my muteness and how I don’t respond. I don’t process that an ambulance comes for me. Nothing registers through my sorrow that the girl who I loved died somewhere where other people are skiing, not realizing that someone that a teenage boy loved, died right where they are.
Rebecca comes into the truck with me, and the whole way, she is grasping my hand. About halfway to the hospital, I wake up from my daze, and finally see what is happening.
“What?” I ask, while medics are checking my heart rate, and my pulse, and other things that they do.
“You passed out. But not really. I don’t know. You didn’t respond to anything for a while. I think you blacked out. But I really don’t know. You terrified me, and we had to leave Josh in charge of getting the kids back into control. Hannah was freaking out, and was freaking out the other kids.” Rebecca explains.
I look down, ashamed, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know what was happening.
We arrive at the hospital, but because I showed no signs of being injured or sick, they let me go.
My mom picks me up from the hospital, along with Rebecca.
“Are you ok?” My mom asks me for the millionth time.
“As I said three seconds ago, I’m ok. I don’t know what happened. My mind went numb.” I say, again.
“He is ok. He just fell on the ice, and scared some of the kids, but he didn’t hit anything or get a concussion or anything.” Rebecca says, looking more like she is making herself feel better, rather than helping my mom.
I reach out and grasp Rebecca’s hand, trying to comfort her. I guess it works, because she looks at my hand, smiles, and squeezes it.
“So, I called your head counselor. I told her that you wouldn’t be working at the camp anymore, due to your safety.”
“Mom! I’m fine. I just saw the mountain where, you know. I guess I blacked out. I can just stay back from the ice rink, which is the only place with a real view of the resort. I will be ok. I promise.” I say, trying to reason with my mom. I broke out of my shell walking to the rink, and it was with the help of Hannah. If I don’t go back, I will probably go back into the shell.
“Well, Judy, or who over the director is, said that she will take you off of the website ASAP. I will call her back, but I don’t know if you can get the spot back.” My mom says to me. But I don’t hear her. At that moment, Rebecca leans on my shoulder and whispers something into my ear.
“I hope you stay.”
I look down at her blonde hair, and smell the faint scent of a fresh shampoo, and for the first time in a while, I feel ok. Whole. Alive.
I rest my head on Rebecca’s, and match my inhales and exhales to her own, and I feel like I did with Savannah.
Later that evening, I call up Rebecca.
“Hey! You ok?” I hear her voice raspily through the bad connection.
“I’m fine. A little dizzy, but ok.” I respond.
“Get some rest. I should hang up and let you sleep. Good-” Rebecca starts to hang up, but I cut her off.
“No!” I clear my throat after it cracks a little bit, “I mean, no. Don’t go. I sound desperate, don’t I? I mean, I don’t want you to go so that I have something to think about.” I say, to cover up the fact that I just want to talk to her.
“Just admit it; you want to talk to me.” She says. I blush, and even though she can’ see me, I feel like she knows. I hear her laugh and I try to break the awkward situation.
“So, who do you think will get in trouble the most?” I ask. “I think it will be Joseph.”
“Why not Hannah? She seems to like you!” Rebecca laughs, and even through the connection, I hear it ring in my ears for a second.
“I know! But she is a good kid. If she keeps it up though, don’t get jealous!” I laugh into the phone and smile.
I hear Rebecca talking through giggles, “I might! I mean an eight year old attempting to steal my man? No-” And she hangs up.
My smile disappears when I try to call her back. It goes straight to voicemail, and I get worried.
I decide to put the worries aside, and I go out into the main area of my basement and start to play a game. Then, I get a call from Rebecca.
“Hey! Where did you go?” I ask her.
“Joshua.” She says, quieter and less happy. “He is trying to protect me from the, his words, ‘unstable boy who is just looking for a space to fill him for a little bit’”
I stay quiet for a second. At first, I believe that she agreed with him, and called back to tell me that. But then I get mad. Mad at Joshua, for not letting Rebecca have her freedom, mad at myself for seeming that way, mad at her for listening.
“I told him that I didn’t care because even if the love is one sided, I feel it.” Rebecca’s words make me smile.
“Don’t worry. It is two way.” I tell her.
“Thank goodness. I hoped that he was wrong!” She says through the phone.
“Well, my mom is telling me that I need to go do homework.” I say. “I don’t want to make her mad.”
“OK. I’ll see you tomorrow! Bye!” And she hangs up. I sigh because my character died on the video game. I turn off the system and lean back, thinking. There is no possible way for me to be with Savannah, but I’m not sure if I can let her go. But while Rebecca is alive and smart and pretty, I don’t know if I can have a relationship so soon.
“Are you going to get off the TV anytime soon?” Julia asks me, with sarcasm in her voice.
I sigh and say “I think I like Rebecca, but I don’t know if I’m over Savannah quite yet. What should I do?” I ask her.
Julia sits down on the couch next to me, hugs a pillow, and says “Well, even though Savannah was perfect for you, and she really was, she is gone. And that can’t change. But I get it if you still like her. I mean, you can’t help that. But if you want to fully get over her, but still have a relationship, Rebecca is there for you, and she will be. Not forever, but long enough. I personally think that Rebecca and you would be good together. I mean, you know. You both have that smile, and that compassionate heart, and the way you look at her, I wish a guy would look at me like that.”
I smile and mutter thanks. But even though it helped, it wasn’t enough. What if I still love Savannah, when I know that I also love Rebecca? What if her brother is right, that I’m only looking for a temporary space filler because for the time being, because I am unstable? I couldn’t control what happened to me at the ice rink and what if small memories of her, like her locker, or her seat in class, or where she sat at lunch, make me go weak again? The place on the driveway where we laughed so hard we cried, or the park bench where we first held hands could trigger another reaction and possibly put my life in danger.
I get up and go into my room. I open my laptop, look at the songs that savannah and I put together, and take a deep breath. I hover over the trash can button on one of our least favorite songs, and press down with my finger. The screen shows a buffering sign, and then the song disappears from the screen.
I open up my email and check for new ones. Spam, spam, and the last one is from an unknown sender.
“Kayden, I would like you to know that while Savannah is missing, the body we found is not her. While the similarities were almost identical, we used DNA tests to prove that the girl was not her, but her sister, a year younger. I am sorry to hear that you had such a terrible reaction to the thought of Savannah’s death, and would like you to know that the girls’ mom has mentioned telling you. Sorry again, and bye.”
I stare at the screen, stunned. Savannah is alive? But the girl they showed was her! I’m sure of it. But then I realize that the girl who was dead has shorter hair, and brown eyes, rather than blue. And that she seemed smaller. I guess I was in so much of a daze, that I didn’t realize it.
“Julia… Julia! Come… now!” I yell.
Julia must think that I’m hurt, because she gets to my door within five seconds, I stare wide eyed at my screen, and point to it. She reads the words, and yelps with joy.
“Savannah has hope! She could be alive! Kayden! Do you hear this? Savannah is ok!” Julia screams.
But while the words are intended to make me feel better, it makes me stunned. When I thought that I had only one girl in my life again, and I was over the other one, she came back, and gave me more confusion than before.
Then I realize that Savannah had her phone on her when she left.
I take out my phone as fast as humanly possible and press the speed dial for Savannah.
One ring… two rings…
“Kayden! Please, cold, starving! Help! Please!” and the line goes dead. I heard her. I heard Savannah’s voice. Julia stares at me.
“What?” I ask.
“You acted normal in a bad situation! You didn’t cry or pass out!” Julia laughs.
I punch her in the arm and dial 911.
“Hello, this is the police. What is your emergency?” the voice calmly asks me.
“Yes! I am Kayden Layne. I would like to report fact that Savannah Does is alive. Please, she was in the avalanche at that ski resort and she said something to me and please, you need to find her!” I scream at the unnaturally calm woman on the other end of the line.
“Please sir, calm down. We will get to Savanna as soon as possible. Please tell me where she was seen last.”
I groan in desperation. “The ski resort! I just said that! Please, send people out there.”
“We will, but I don’t like your attitude, mister.” She says.
I moan in frustration and hang up.
“I’m coming with you.” Julia says.
“I never said that I was going somewhere.” I say, but my twin knows me well, and she knows that I’m taking matters into my own hands.
“I texted Rebecca.”
“You know her? Really?” I look at her with surprise.
“Yeah. She’s in my homeroom. And when mom picks her up, where do you think I am when you get into the car?” She explains.
“Oh.” I mutter as I pull on my snow boots.
“She says that she is meeting us at the ski resort entrance, but that we need to get there fast, because people could be skiing over her if she is under the snow.” Julia explains further.
I pull on my snow jacket, but I don’t look forward to seeing the two girls I think I love in the same place and at the same time.
I run up the stairs and call out to my mom that Julia and I are going somewhere, but since we are 14, she doesn’t care. I throw open the door, and jog to my bike.
I forget that Julia, although stronger than me, isn’t as fast. I am halfway down the street on my bike when she is just getting on it. I stop hard and wait for her to catch up. When she does, I go at her pace, which is turtle slow for me, but by the looks of it, is cheetah fast for her.
When we get to the ski resort, I see Rebecca waiting for me, and my chest heaves. I will have to choose between the two girls that I love soon.
“Hey! You ready to find Savannah?” Rebecca asks me when I stop my bike, three feet away from her.
I nod and get off my bike. Julia locks up her bike next to mine and we start walking.
I hear Julia and Rebecca talking behind me, but I’m only set out to find Savannah, wherever she is. I pull out my phone and call her again.
“Kayden? Please, are you here, I’m so cold!” I hear her say.
“I’m here, I am, and I will find you. I promise. Where are you, what did you see last?” I rush my words; for fear that I will lose her again.
“I saw the ski lift pole, I was half way do-” and I lose connection with her.
“Are either of you scared of heights?” I ask to the girls behind me. Neither pipes up so I go to the man behind the desk and ask for a three hour ski time, and when he asks where our parents are, I tell him that we will wait for them before we go up. Of course I lie to him.
I walk back over to Julia and Rebecca with three ski lift tickets, good for three hours.
“Ok, well, Savannah is somewhere here, by one of the ski lifts. Great. Let’s just look for a ski lift!” Rebecca says brightly.
“That might be hard,” I point out, “because there are over fifty lifts here.”
“Oh.”
I shrug and explain further. “There is ten of each level, and you are not allowed to ski above your ski level. I can go on all courses, Julia can go on 40 of them, but I don’t know how many you can go on Rebecca. Savannah was a diamond, which is in the middle. I suggest that I take all the diamond levels, Julia takes the square levels, and Savannah, and you can take the circles. They are the easiest. Julia, you are the most likely to find Savannah, though, because she likes to use the square courses.”
“Cool! And by the way, I can go the same amount that Savannah can.” Rebecca tells me.
“Let’s get going though, because we need to find her before she freezes.” Julia says.
I get on my ski gear and head to the first ski lift for the diamond one. I look up the slope and see no mounds, and it isn’t closed off. I spot a worker and ask him where the avalanche was. He says that it was in one of the diamond levels, but he doesn’t know which one it was. I thank him and continue going.
An hour later, I have skied four tracks slowly, but I have seen no sign of Savannah. I am getting off on my fifth one, when I think I see something. I get off at the top five minutes later and ski down as fast as I can to the spot where I thought I saw something.
“Savannah?” I call down into the snow. I hear nothing, but I feel the snow caving in. Before I can move out of the way, I go crashing down into a little hole into the snow.
“Savannah?” I say when I see a small figure across from me.
“Kayden?” The girl says. She realizes that it is me, gets up, and hugs me as tight as she can. “I thought I would die out here. Please, help me out of here!”
I look up, and the surface of the snow is ten feet above me.
“Get on my shoulders.” I say, hoisting Savannah up. “Go out, and get help.” I hand her a 20. “Buy yourself some food and a drink.”
“But you will be here! I can’t do that!” Savannah tries to say, but I ignore her and set her on my shoulders.
“Go, before my legs give out and we both stay here until Julia and Rebecca realize I’m not coming back!” I yell to her. She looks sad, but she still reaches up and drags herself out of the hole. I collapse when she crawls out of the hole.
“I won’t leave you. I promise.” Savannah tells me. Then she disappears. And I wait.
I pull out my phone and dial Julia’s number.
“Kayden, I haven’t found her yet. I’m so sorry.” Julia rambles.
“I have. I fell into a hole, and she was there. I helped her out, and she is going to get help for me.” I say sadly.
“You are trapped! What course? I will get Rebecca; she is walking towards me now! Stay put!” Julia screeches.
“Diamond five.” I say.
She hangs up, and I sit down. Like I have anywhere to go. I close my eyes and wait for Savannah, Julia, or Rebecca to come find me.
About thirty minutes later, I hear skis coming closer. I start screaming for attention.
“HELP!!!! I’M TRAPPED DOWN HERE!!!!!!!!!!” I scream.
“I know!” I hear Rebecca’s voice yell back. A feeling of safety courses through me when I hear those two words.
I see snow fly over the top of the hole, and I know Rebecca is here. I see her blonde hair over the edge of the hole, and I watch as a blue rope comes flying down towards me. More snow flies and I hear Julia and Savannah talking to me, and trying to help Rebecca hold her ground.
I pull myself up using the wall of the hole, and when my hand comes up over the edge, Savannah runs from the back and grabs it.
“Hold on, please, Just, don’t let go.” She whispers to me.
I finally get out of the hole, and the four of us lay on our backs in the snow, breathing heavily. I saved Savannah from dying. I could have died. I put my sister and girlfriend’s life in risk.
Wait.
Girlfriend. I just called Rebecca my girlfriend. I look at Savannah and Rebecca lying next to each other, one blonde, one brunette, one now, and one then, both my loves. Both love me.
I help Julia to her feet, who in turn helps Savannah to her feet while I help Rebecca up. We all walk back down the mountain, where there are news reporters and photographers, and people looking to see us.
“Did you really risk your life to save this girl?” “How did you survive this whole time?” “Why did you feel the need to help this girl from dying?” Flashes and cameras were all directed at Savannah and I, along with the questions.
I looked around, stunned with all the lights and flashes, and I guess Rebecca knew my look of chaos, and she started to shoo people away, and Savannah and Julia caught on.
“Thanks guys.” I mutter. I knew that I probably couldn’t handle it myself, but now the world probably thinks I’m some weak kid who can’t handle anything myself.
Later, as we exit the ski resort, Savannah shaking and muttering, Julia staring down at the ground, and I still feeling embarrassed, Rebecca breaks the silence.
“So, now that Savannah is here, what will happen?” she asks me.
I feel my face turn red as Savannah turns to look at me, with a question that I don’t entirely want to answer on her face.
“I don’t know. But I don’t want to. I don’t know how I feel or what I should do. Sorry.” I say when we get to our bikes. I unlock mine and ride off before I can get asked another question. What should I do?
I get home 20 minutes before Julia, but I guess she called my mom, because she didn’t say anything.
I lie down on my bed, sigh a huge sigh, and go through my options. I could break Rebecca’s heart and stay by Savannah’s side until she can date again, Stay with Rebecca until Savannah can date, stay with Rebecca forever, or be with no one. My heart says that the last option won’t happen, but I don’t know who my heart is yearning for.
Do I love the girl who helped me when I thought everything I had was gone?
Or the girl who lived through an avalanche, and who I risked my life to save?
I know who it is, but I am not certain. I call up the girl who I think I truly love, and tell her how I feel.
I call Rebecca.