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The Coffee Shop

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Melissa and Jennifer began to walk to their cars from early release and felt the sturdy wind of autumn run through their hair. Melissa giggled as every stride she took she was crushing many fall painted leaves. Once they approached their cars Jen suggested, “Hey wanna get some coffee?”
“Yeah sure, you know me!”
“Alright meet me at City Brew.”

“Race ya!” Melissa and Jen hopped into their cars and broke every law to City Brew. At the finish line Jen won. They both meet at the door laughing about the rebellious tasks they completed to race. They walked in and ordered their favorite lattes. “Let’s sit by the window.” Melissa insisted.
“Okay!” As they walk towards the window Melissa glances outside and sees her dream car.
“Oh my gosh, I want a Range Rover so bad.”
“Yeah me too there’re so cool, oh yeah did you see the news last night about the guy?”
“Oh yeah, the one with the orange sweater with a snake on it, oh my gosh I hate snakes!”
“I hate him he sounds so scary. They said he is dangerous and murdered like fifty people.”
Melissa added, “I bet it wasn’t fifty but he’s probably in jail.”
“Your right but it’s still scary.”
They both sat back and continued to talk about school and whatever new drama there was. Impatiently Jen asks, “Where’s our drinks, this place is so slow. I need to use the restroom. I’ll be back.”
“Okay!”
Jen quickly moves from the table and makes her way to the bathroom. Melissa just stares out the window and minutes later a lady brings the lattes. Deep in thought Melissa recaps about the man in the sweatshirt form the news, and what it would be like to die or be tortured. Uncomfortably she shifts in her chair and returns to reality. She then takes a swig of her coffee and realizes Jen went to the bathroom, but that was like ten minutes ago and Jen doesn’t usually take that long. Melissa wondered if she should go check on her but instead drank more coffee. Half the latte is gone and Melissa’s cheeks turn red from embracement as her friend hasn’t returned.
Frustrated she leaves the table and walks outside to the lobby were the bathrooms are located. As she reaches the door she opens with determination.
“Jen, what’s wrong…?” Melissa’s voice trails off as she spies an orange sweatshirt with a snake on it lying crumpled on the sink. Heart pumping she whispers, “Jen” as she stares at the closed stall. Shaking, she glances at the floor and sees a puddle of blood creeping to the sink. Melissa shrieks in horror and turns to leave only to come face to face with the owner of the orange sweatshirt




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EdytD said...
May 6, 2009 at 9:38 pm:
The end is very gripping, but you might lose some of your audience due to minor grammatical errors at the begining. I think the story needs a little bit more action, and less talking about this and that at the beginning that the reader might not find interesting. I like the plot, however, and think that your story has potential.
 
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