Oprah visits Condoleeza Rice

August 14, 2008
Once upon a time in a political climate in Washington D.C., “Malcolm get me Condoleezza Rice on the phone right this minute. It’s a very urgent matter,” said President Bush to his secretary. “Okay. Right away Sir”, said the secretary. “She’s on the phone right now.” “Condoleezza, it’s so nice of you to call me. It’s been ages”, exclaimed Bush. “But sir, you called me.” Rice said, sounding very confused. “Oh, well that doesn’t matter. On to the issue at hand. At our last meeting, where we were debating about the whole peace, love, and war thing, you mentioned you could bring peace to all the nations. Isn’t that correct?” said Bush. “Mr. President, you are exactly correct. I can and I will.” Condoleezza proudly stated. “If you can do what you so say then prove it to me. Bring peace between the Palestinians and the Israelis. If you cannot then I will boot you out of office, and make it where you cannot be secretary of anything.
“Uh oh! I’m in trouble now. I can’t bring world peace. I was just talking. I thought it seemed like a good conversation starter at the time. What have I got myself into? I don’t want to loose my job,” Condoleezza said to herself. “You won’t have to,” said a voice coming from no where. “Who said that?” asked Rice, looking around frantically. “I did! Down here!” said the voice again. “My gosh! Aren’t you Oprah Winfrey? Why are you so small?” said Rice. “It’s all just part of the story. Since we got that out of our system on to why I am here,” said Oprah. “What are you doing here? How did you get into my house exactly?” Condoleezza said, sounding very confused. “I am here to bring you your peace, but for a price,” Oprah said. “Can you really do that? How about I give you Hawaii? It’s not that great except it does have delicious pineapples, said Rice. “Deal,” said Oprah Winfrey. With just the snap of her fingers she was gone.
Well the next day the Palestinians and Israelis were shaking hands and sharing land. Condoleezza Rice did just what President Bush asked for her to do, and all with just the help of Oprah Winfrey. “Malcolm, once again get Mrs. Rice on the phone for me,” said Bush to his secretary. “Yes sir,” Malcolm said. “Condoleezza, why here we are again, talking on the phone. Now isn’t that lovely?” Bush said happily. “Sir, did I not do what you asked of me?” Rice said with worry in her voice. “I’m going to get Oprah even if she is helping the less fortunate in Africa. If she didn’t get me my peace she’s dead.” Condoleezza said to herself. “No. No. You did just what I asked of you. The thing is I want more. I want the terrorists gone and out of Afghanistan and Iraq. I want the UN out and away from there. If you can’t do that for me then you can kiss your position as Secretary of State bye, bye.” said Bush, greedily. “Whatever you say, Mr. President. I’ll get right on it.” said Condoleezza, sounding anxious. “I won’t let you down this time or ever.” “I will be the judge of that Mrs. Rice.” Bush said.
“I shouldn’t have done that. I should have told the President the truth, that I didn’t really bring the peace to those two nations, and that it was all Oprah Winfrey. Maybe not, he would have never believed me. But what if Oprah doesn’t show up this time? If not I’m in deep doggie doodoo.” Condoleezza said, talking to herself. “Did someone say my name?” Oprah said, appearing out of no where. “Oprah, I’m so glad you’re here. I need to the terrorist gone and out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Can you do that for me?” asked Rice. “Darling, I can do anything. Once again it will come at a cost.” Oprah said. “I’ll do anything. How about Alaska this time? It won’t matter. The Russians use to own it, so it’s all good.” Rice said. “I guess that will have to do,” said Oprah. And once again Oprah disappeared without a trace.
Some time during the early hours of the morning Bush was awaken to the lights being flipped on and to his body guard rushing in. “Well what is it Jackson?” sleepily Bush said. “Sir I think you need to step outside and have a look see for yourself,” explained Jackson. “Okay, okay, I’m coming. Keep your shirt on. What can be so important causing you to wake me up at this time of night? Did China bomb us or something? Is the sky falling?” Bush said to his groggy self. When Bush opened the front door all he could do was stand there in extreme shock. On the outside gates of the White House stood millions of people cheering and holding signs up for Bush. On some of them said “Thanks for bringing our children home. Bye, Bye Osama Bin Laden. We love you Bush and so on and so forth.” There was just too many out there to count or better yet read.
Bush rushed inside and dialed the number for Condoleezza Rice himself. “Condoleezza, sorry to bother you at this hour, but how did you do it? Just plain how? How did you catch all the terrorists? Where was Osama Bin Laden hiding out? If you could do that, you could do a lot more than just get rid of a few little terrorists. The world finally has a solution to world peace. You! If you can bring harmony to the whole world then I will pull a few strings and make you Vice President.” exclaimed Bush. “I’ll get right on it President. Before you know it there will be world peace.” said Rice.
“Oprah! Oprah!” Condoleezza yelled. “You called?” Oprah said in a sly voice. “Yes. I need world peace this time. Can you please make this happen?” Rice said. “Of course, but it’s going to cost you again.” Oprah said. This time I get to decide what I want, and I want Texas. I don’t want Texas to go to me, but I want to give it back to Mexico.” “Well I guess so. Anything to get me out of this mess.” Condoleezza said hesitating a little bit. “There’s no going back on our deal.” Oprah stated. “Okay. Fine.” said Condoleezza. Once again Oprah did just what she promised to do. She brought world peace.


The moral to this story is don’t sell your soul to the devil.





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